Getting past it
 

It's disappointing to keep being reminded that I obviously STILL haven't accepted all the ramifications of this. You'd think by now--over three years since diagnosis--that I could at least be close to "this is the way things are now, I'm going to make the best of it".

Today we're going grocery shopping. I still can't get my mind around the idea that this isn't something I can essentially do before breakfast and then get on with my "real" day.

I'm about halfway through double-checking the cupboards, rounding up my coupons, getting my list organized so that there's no backtracking, re-negotiating the menu for the next few days.

Then I'll get dressed, make sure my stomach and bladder agree that it's time to go, get my boots and coat on, get down to the garage and into the car. Off we go.

It's only a half hour drive each way, but after the grocery store and the drugstore (with all of their sights and sounds and thinking and so on), climbing in and out of the car, stopping for the mail, putting the groceries away, etc. it will be lunchtime and I will be toast.

You'd think I would be used to this by now, but it still surprises and offends me every time I remember that it takes a whole day's worth of energy to run into town and get a few groceries. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get past it.

I understand completely. Once upon a time .... I could do four loads of laundry, shop for food, cook the food, do some cleaning ... without breaking a sweat.

Like I said, once upon a time.

Now ... I gather laundry and get the washer started. Forget about it until the next day...
that day comes, put the laundry in the dryer and then it's forgotten...
every day.

I shop for food in a local grocery store (5 minutes away). If I were to travel a half hour I would have a much larger selection ... but the travel agrevates my fatigue.

While I've accepted the situation (dx'd in 2000) , I just find it a bit frustrating to not get as much things completed as I once did.

When I feel the frustration build, I repeat my motto: Do what you can do, when you can do it (and remember it).

I hope you'll find your way with it all.

Cheers!

Niko:cool:

The answer is Yes and No..:):(

I have long ago accepted my limitations and know what I am capable of doing, in any given day, but I don't like it and will never be ok with it.:mad: The every day stuff is bad enough, but not being able to do the bigger, more important stuff is horrible.

I'll resent, 'till my dying day, not being able to run to my DH's side, when he was dying...the same for my DBRO..:(:mad: I'm in better shape now than I was then. I was on the phone with them both constantly and they both knew I was with them, in spirit....:hissyfit: NOT ENUFF!!!

Thanks for the oportunity to vent my spleen, Blessings..:hug::hug:

Don't know if there is any "getting past it",but sometimes we can get around
it with different strategies.

You sound as tho you are very organized, get all of your lists togther, etc.
Is there any way you can un- consolidate trips some times? ie leave the
drugstore off the list once in a while? Or plan a break at a coffee shop part way thru? It might help you feel more in control if pacing yourself is a possibility.


I do know how frustrating it is to see a busy and productive past fading away
as it does with MS, but try not to beat yourself up about it. Some days you
just have to come and take a nap.:)

kami

I understand, B2Y. It's been a challenge for me to accept my limitations, too. Especially since I was used to being on the go all the time.

I've come to accept my disease....not sure why I've been able to do so. Maybe it's because I was dx after a bunch of really bad things happened in my life. Maybe I know that things could always be worse. Or that there are worse things to happen in life than this. I'm not sure why.....all I know is I have accepted it and I'm pretty much okay with it. Do I wish I didn't have MS? Absolutely.

I'm not saying that everyone should feel the way I do. I know that everyone's MS is different. But.....if this is my burden to bear then so be it. I wouldn't wish this on anyone......I'd rather deal with it myself than have it be one of my kids or other family members or even friends. Does that make any sense? I feel like I'm rambling. :rolleyes:

Yes, I get irritated when there is something I want to do and I can't. But, so far, I've been able to do all that I need to do, some that I want to do and some that I really don't want to do!! :o I just take it a day at a time.

I just swept sand out of the garage. Something I did about two weeks ago (only did one side then)

I got half the garage swept out first (my dad's side) and then I sat for a few minutes and started to sweep my side of the garage. I had to stop and sit because of my back about 3 times during that side. Then I had to walk to the backyard to dump the 30 pounds of sand that was inside the dust scoopy thingie. (I swear, it looked like I was dumping a box of cremains back there)

Walked back up to the front yard. Sat down for another 5 minutes, and then started to finish the garage. My dad pulled up about 10 minutes later. As soon as he was out of the car, I was handing him the broom and dust scoopy thingie and said "here, finish this for me." (I was nearly done)

Then I went, got a cold drink, and sat outside for awhile.

Two weeks ago, I was able to do one side of the garage without even stopping to rest...granted, it was 40 degrees outside, cloudy and I was pretty well rested that day.

Today, it was about 60 degrees outside (80 if you were in the sun with a white wall behind you) and it was bright sunshine out today. Plus, insomnia last night kept me up till 430 or 5am this morning. (and I got up at 11am)

My hands are shaking as I type this, and I'm about to take a nap in my computer chair while I watch my Tivo-ed episode of Glenn Beck.

I should have just left the sand on the floor in the garage, and waited till the neighbor has his leaf blower out...(he's nice, has blown sand out of our garage two years in a row with his leaf blower)

B2Y - Because shopping wipes me out, I break my shopping into parts. On Sunday I make the menu, do the grocery list, get the coupons ready and anything else I need for my shopping at any and all of the stores I need to go. On Monday I do the shopping in the morning as early as possible but like you, by the time I get home it's lunch time and I have very little energy to even make any lunch. There is no way I could even possible do both in one day. Not only is it too exhausting, it is way too confusing for me. Sometimes if I have more than one store I need to go to, I save some of the extra stores to later in the week instead of trying to get all the shopping done in one day. It took me quite a while to find a system that works best for me. If I find new difficulties as time goes on, I make changes as best as I can.

Blessings,

Is there anyone else at home who can do your shopping?

I have found it so much easier to think in terms of what I want my energy for in a day. Do I want to spend my energy cleaning the kitchen or working on a quilt? Do I want to go shopping or walking in the neighborhood? Can I combine my walking routine with my shopping? Can I quilt and call a friend via speaker phone at the same time?

I find the days I seem to pity myself are the days that I didn't sleep good the night before. Naps ALWAYS come first for me!

(and you know what? in my previous life, naps were for babies and old folks - not ME!)

As they tell new moms - don't compare your baby to another baby. I learned with MS, this was true too. I don't have your MS, I don't have Becky's MS, and I sure don't function like my healthy next door neighbor!

Peace!

My answer is a decided "no", 20 odd years into this, I still make too many plans, put too much in a day, and pay dearly for it. I don't plan on stopping either.

I'm glad that you can go to the store and do the shopping in the same day. When getting dressed can be an overwhelming challenge, it sinks in a little heavier, and no, I never get past it but I do it anyway. Then I take a nap.

I refuse to give in...I actually don't allow myself to believe the dx sometimes...and try to pack in as much as I can...sometimes the stiffness/pain/fatigue overwhelm me, but I fight, fight, fight it. I have to. I was the same way when the fibro dx came 25 yrs ago.

Hope it gets easier for you, B2Y...:hug:

Random responses from my random brain:

Niko: "Do what you can do when you can do it (and remember it)" -- good motto! Thank you!

Sally: I hear you about "accepting it" but not being "okay with it". Not being able to "be there" is one of the hardest things for me, too. It’s not okay.

Kami: I often leave the drugstore off the list! If I can find the two or three "drugstore" items I need at the grocery store, why make a second stop to save maybe $2 and use up a quart of energy?

Kitty: I like your attitude. That's how I think on my good days. :)

Erin: Sitting outside sounds good--except for the ice and snow. I'll wait a few weeks!

Karousel: "...make changes as best I can." That sounds like good advice, also, even though Ma and Pa have a hard time with change. I should just sit down and say, "Now, what can I change?"

AMN: Hmmm. Do it anyway, even if I never "get past it". Sage advice, as always. Especially the part about "then take a nap".

Debbie: Some days I have that fight in me, some days I throw the fight and try to regroup for the next day. Good for you.

Bird: Haha, no there's no one else who can do the shopping! I'm laughing picturing Bob (who doesn't drive now) walking into a grocery store by himself!

Actually, it isn't really shopping that’s the issue, it’s the concept of one more thing on my list of activities that only takes an hour or two but sucks up the whole day's worth of spoons.

I'm learning a lot from all of your input. My ultimate goal is to (like the Apostle Paul) learn to be content whatever state I'm in. I don't mean "content" as in "give up" and let this terrorist disease win. I mean find a good balance: be realistic but not fatalistic, not give in but recognize my limitations. Discontent that keeps me plugging along is a good thing; discontent as opposed to inner peace just makes my symptoms worse and rots my mood.

Maybe I’m trying too hard to “get past it”; maybe that’s not a good goal. Maybe I just think too much. I like hearing all of your coping skills, and plucking out what might work for me! :grouphug:

I don't see how you can "get past it" unless you get rid of it (it being MS). It's always going to suck eggs, some days more than others. Don't beat yourself up over not gleefully accepting what this disease does to you.

On my good days, I'm full of sage advise..Been a while since I've had a good day, so I got nothin'..:)
Seriously, though, when I'm feeling OK I find it easy to accept it and move on. When I'm not, or when I have to hesitate to make plans for anything, it just burns my backside..I've been dx'd for a few years, and had my very first flare this year. I don't think I like it very much. Since then, so much has become harder to do. Who's to say it won't happen again and leave me able to do even less? I think that's the hardest part. You can accept and move on from a lot of difficult things, but when they can come back to bite you with no warning at any time..How do you move on from that?

I am sending you great big hugssss
undx but can not always except limitations my sxs give me...

well work today, since I am the boss...ok I was there 16 hours...all but 20 min on my feet....uggggggggg hurting badly now..

I will be suffering the next few days, next few shifts...but I keep going...

sorry I went on and on...mainly wanted to tell you I understand hard to accept things we can not do, especially the things that seemed easy at one point now so hard to do..or takes so much of our spoons...hugsss,sarah

I just don't plan anything, and I never disappoint myself. :D

If there are no fresh groceries . . . there's always soup!

If the bills don't get paid . . . there's always tomorrow!

If I just want to sleep all day, that's what I do.

Then I wake up one day and I HAVE to do it, or I have a burst of energy, and I do everything that I can. I even pre-pay bills on that day.

It all gets done that way . . . eventually.

No worries.

Cherie

I finally finished sweeping the garage out today. My dad gave up about 2 minutes after I handed him the broom yesterday, and the sweeping job I did yesterday was craptastic...so today I did the entire garage, and actually finished it to the point where I was kind of happy with it.

There's still sand along the sides of the garage and I didnt really sweep along the back wall, since my mom's scooter lives there, and I just didnt feel like moving everything that's along the wall. I just got the big piles of sand swept out from where the cars have dragged in sand and salt.

My dad was happy with it (and happy that I didnt try to make him finish it)

My arms hurt now...altho it's a good kind of hurt, slightly pulled muscles. My back is killing me and is really not happy with me now. That's an unhappy pain. I hope I wont be regretting the garage sweeping later. (I have Baclofen and I'm not afraid to use it! and will be following it with a couple Tylenol)

It only took me about 2 or 3 weeks and several attempts (mostly half-hearted attempts) to get it swept up enough to make me happy.

They were forcasting heavy rain and big thunderstorms for tonight, and the weatherguy actually told the truth for once. We had HAIL tonight! I wanted to get the sand and salt out of the garage before it got soggy again. Trying to keep from dragging sand and salt into the house.

I may vacuum tomorrow or eventually sometime this week. (oh wait..the cleaning lady comes monday! yaaaaaay!! and she has a new vacuum!)

I think I'm going to relax with a Baclofen or three, and my Amazon Kindle and not move much for the next couple of days. I managed to accomplish at least one cleaning task this month.