I don't feel right
 

Hi

Some background...
i tapered down from Zoloft for months before finally suspending it a few weeks ago. The reason for the taper was not an intent of suspension, but activation sx, which often do accompany fever when i am ill (in this case, when i had bronchitis for a long time.)

The last steps down brought on sleep disturbances (vivid, repetitious dreaming, nightmares, repeated awakenings and general poor quality sleep). All that has resolved.

-----------------
i now am just not right. I have a lot of stressors and i though i was dealing ok. But instead of settling down more, moodwise, i am getting more unsettled.

I am a bit concerned because spring (this time of year, specifically Feb-Mar) is historically a high-risk period for onset of a major depressive episode for me. So the timing of this "instability" is noteworthy, albeit not pure depression.

-----------------
Normally, the first thing to would be tweak my Zoloft, but as i no longer take it i can't tweak it! :Sigh:

Currently, all i take is Depakote ER and a long-acting but potent benzo. i'd rather not up the benzo but i have been padding with lorazepam sometimes when i am agitated/anxious to the point of insomnia. other times i have hypersomnia for several days and feel totally drained (yet still moody, labile, irascible... :hissyfit:)

Tomorrow i see my pdoc and will discuss with him possibly taking a higher dose of Depakote, perhaps for just six weeks or so... to cover my "vulnerable calendar time." Or going back on Lamictal for a while (suspended that over a year ago.)

I am not liking the Depakote idea much since 1000mg made me stupid. I now take 500. figure we could try 750. I don't know about the Lamictal since i never took it as monotherapy - always with another mood stabilizer plus the zoloft. so it is hard to say if it even did anything other than make me much more photosensitive.

Right now, if i had to self-evaluate objectively, i would say i am in a mild (subclinical) mixed state, with intrinsic rapid cycling but not clean cycling at all (a few days more on the upside, a few days more on the down side...but always mixed). The thing is, it may be subclinical by the DSM, but it is becoming clinically relevant as i find myself increasingly unable to get things done, even things i had started doing, and would like to see grow.

I am not liking this. i am liking it less and less. i am feeling so sick and tired of everything. everything is shaking me up one way or the other. i've seen myself in the mirror looking as though i've just seen a ghost. i go around making snyde remarks and snapping at my housemates :mf_argue: or biting my tongue just barely in time. laugh like a hooligan at stuff but get riled OR profoundly hurt in seconds over... any small thing.

like, right now? i am sitting here crying, upset over one housemate calling the other stupid... which happened this morning (over 12 hours ago). i was not even involved - i was pretending to sleep.

and no, i don't have PMS... not even close.

:hissyfit: :confused: :Bang-Head:

feedback welcome. support welcome. anything welcome. talk to me.

i will be checking back in.

:( ~ waves ~ :(

Dear Waves,
 

Waves,
This sounds awful.
I've got no med suggestions.
Except it does make sense to follow through on your first idea of raising the Depakote. Talk to the pdoc about that. If it doesn't work or you can't tolerate the side effects then you can go off that plan and go to another plan.

This first plan sounds obvious and easy and logical.
After you try it you will know if it is the right plan.

Mari

Waves can you take Ativan short term symptoms?
I have the Lexapro, but it helps to have the Ativan for days as you discribe. My chill pill to take of the edginess and shake off warding depression.
di

Oh waves, I am sorry you're having a hard time right now, I hope it gets better for you soon. I don't know much about cycling but I do know it's no fun, I have cycled between up and down, but it can happen in one day to me. Usually the depression s triggered by either Jack or Jackie, it's sad really, because Jack says he thinks I use BP II as an excuse to be a jerk, when that is so untrue, so we bump heads about it pretty frequently these days since I stopped abilify.

I don't know what will help you with your issues, anymore then I know what will help mine, but I do want you to know I'm here, listening and caring about you . :hug:

Take care hun. :)

((( Mari, Di, Pam )))
 

Hi you guys,

thanks for posting back.

Mari, my pdoc is good on many levels but one thing is he's not the real med genius kind... but very receptive to my suggestions = works *with* me not on me or above me and all that. that's why i kinda wanted to go in with plan a b c's to toss his way. well i guess there's really 2 options - increase depakote or add back lamictal that we can try... perhaps opt for increase depakote as plan a. as you point out, only need one plan as a starter. then see from there. one step at a time.

Di, i don't like to use lorazepam (which is Ativan) every day, especially not more than one... they are 2.5mg orosoluble. i have occasionally taken two, but really they are for acute anxiety/panic. if anything, better to raise dose of my other benzo (En = delorazepam n/a in US) has same potency as and is conjugated into lorazepam; howver it is very long-acting (like Valium) and gives a slow infusion of lorazepam. i didn't want to mess with the benzo levels at all due to the addictive aspect... i want eventually to taper off completely (NOTTTT now). using lorazepam daily for general sx would be more addictive than increasing En - because it would have sharper peaks and troughs.

but i will be mindful of your suggestion for now... perhaps i am being a bit too conservative. ward off depression, you say? hmmm. that is interesting. can be useful for anxious depression.

and i could revisit my resistance to increasing my En.... hmmm... how to broach this with pdoc.... see, benzo's are first line drugs here, dished out PRN. So... perhaps an open mention with a sour face to tip the scales "not in favor," and see if he proactively suggests an increase. he usually lets me manage it so if i propose an increase he will just nod... just confirm i can increase it if i want, which i know.

Now i have a whole hour to prep for pdoc visit. to he[[ with shower, hair and everything. i just need to get there today. that is only goal. get there. it don' matter if i cry on the bus. i will probably eat a pill before i go. yeah... one a dems lorazepams. on the other hand i'd rather he sees me messed up. but better less messed up than not at all. i don't know how we will do therapy. . i guess i better not think about that either.

Pam
That really sucks about your hubby claiming you use your illness as an excuse... especially what you're going through now. i will be curious to see if pdoc thinks i am still going through a "settling" period from suspending the Zoloft (after five years on it), even tho the taper was slow. Either that or he may want me back on it. with the agitation though, i'm not convinced that's the right answer. thanks for posting to me, Pam, it's good to know you're here for me... means a lot right now. :o

Ppl in RL do not GET IT. heck i don't even try to explain i just try to cover & compensate as much as i can... as always.

thanks you guys for responding. i much appreciate. :o :hug:

oh btw, DiMarie, your picture of DeAnne was sitting open on my puter, and she somehow inspired me to get my fold-out bed folded in... to help my mom "like the house better" and help myself feel less guilt and feel less of a waste of a human being. Like she somehow sent me energy... or your vision/painting of her did. Or both. She does radiate in that painting. TY for that too.

i cannot see thru tears now. i hope the endorphins kickin soon. l8r...

waves

Depakote screws up female hormones in women taking it.
It causes alot of hormonal upheavals. It could be the drug itself making you reactive.

Please check this site:
http://www.bipolarworld.net/Phelps/ph_2004/ph1223.htm

http://www.psycheducation.org/hormon...polycystic.htm

I wanted you to know I'm here for you. I'm soooo sorry I missed this yesterday.

I'll reply more here later or email. :hug:

Tears can be cleansing. We need that once in awhile.

<---monkey hands waves a box of tissues.

I wanted you to know I'm here too. I missed this yesterday too.

But sending hugs, and wishes that the doc listened and
you came up with a good plan.

Donna

Thinking of you too and hope your appt goes well.:grouphug:

It's my pleasure waves, you've been such a great friend to me when I saw your thread even though I don't feel right myself I had to post and offer my support. I wish I had the energy to keep up with everyone's posts, but it's gotten much busier in here, *hurray!* and it's not as easy as it once was to do that.

I hope that we both can find some understanding and support in the RL people around us soon, it's not fair to expect us to be a certain way when we're struggling with med changes. And that is NO excuse, it's a fact. :(


{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

Dear Waves,
I'm sorry that you were having a difficult time earlier trying to think about getting ready.
I hope you made it to your appt. safely.
Mari

maybe you should try something else to ward off depression...another antidepressant. Mine haven't been working. Maybe you will be lucky....
Try to be selfish or self protective to help handle the rough road
Love
Bobby

hi
 

thanks to all of you who posted while i was gone :heartthrob:

Curious, i take hanky, thankye monkey ;) and thanks for dropping in on me here.

Mrs D - Thanks for that link ... i will absolutely have a look! i need some bloodtests anyway, so this would be the time if i wanted some hormonal checks i could fold them into that. i do supplement with selenium and zinc already ... as Depakote hinders absorption of those... if it is related to Zn or Se deficiency, then i shouldn't have a problem. also i have been on depakote for almost 5 years, at 500mg tho (a low dose). i would think it would have "messed me up" before now if it was gonna, but perhaps not. i will definitely read up! thank you! ;)

Bobby,
it is very kind of you to post to me. :o i can't take an antidepressant right now - unsuitable for a mixed mood - i have activation sx which are exacerbated by ADs. that was how i ended up tapering and finally suspending my Zoloft - which i normally tolerate well. i think i do need to be cautious and self-protective, tho, yes.

Jo and Donna
doc listened. appt went well. your wishes came true. ;) thanks for being near. :hug:

Mari
well... i made the bus, step one, and i made it there. no hair washed no shower (bless whoever invented wet towelettes.) no crying on the bus either. there and back, safe. thanks. :)

------------
pdoc was on board w/ me. up the depakote. i basically gave him the run down of sx. and wrapped up saying the way i saw things i was - in english - in a "subclinical mixed mood." he lol'd coz he got it - 'subclinical' translates directly which i didn't know. now i do hah, ok. well he got the picture and fast. i didn't propose the depakote. i said so what are we gonna do, bandaids, or modify my standard therapy. he said the latter was preferable, and let's up the depakote. and he gave his reasons for that which actually were the same as mine. i was glad that i didn't suggest it but instead got "clean feedback" from him. it gave me more faith in him, and more faith in "the plan" because two heads came up with it independently. but he lol'd when i told him i'd posted on the forum before i left about seeing him about upping my depakote. we also talked about the En/lorazepam and agreed that i could take a smidgeon more En - he said as needed. i said i always need it. so i figure on adding 0.5mg in the am (plus usual 2mg at night) - he was good with that. i may add another 0.5mg in the afternoon... if needed :rolleyes:. i don't want to exceed 3mg.

so my new script is for 800mg Depakote ER. i hope it doesn't make me stupid. but if it does, i'll just be a bit stupid for a while. the idea is just to do this for a while. we didn't talk time but i figure 6-8 weeks, and he did say "for a while" - i.e., a temporary thing.

------------
thanks again everyone. will keep you posted. can't get script filled till tomorrow (too late now)... then will be a couple days for effect to kick in.

~ waves ~ who has coffee (decaf) and choc chip cookie waiting. nom nom.

<------ monkey nabs a cookie and RUNS!!!!

:p

Hey Mrs D
 

looks like this is about PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). I have done some reading on this in the past... precisely because of taking Depakote. I had not found anything conclusive yet and am within a lot of the safety areas... low-end normal blood sugar always, weight/BMI within norm, no weight gain induced by drug (i can gain or lose depends on how much i eat and whether i take other drugs like... :eek:Zyprexa:eek:), normal menstrual cycles - except when ill, but that was always the case, since puberty: any illness or heavy stressor could throw off a single cycle... and i was not on divalproex sodium for a very large most of that time............
.......................... i still haven't "finished" reading, which for me includes drilling down into the abstracts that are referenced....

i really appreciate all this info... it may still be a "controversy" but at least someone is following up on it. and some interesting data that does indict Depakote as a possible pathogen, irrespective of the illnesses it is used to treat. you have no idea how much stuff i ran into linking epilepsy and PCOS, but all correlations and very little that isolated Depakote v.s. no Depakote... and even less on bipolar.

even tho i don't have any real symptoms so am most likely safe, i might consider some hormone level checks at this point when i do my labs.

anyway, i *really* appreciate these links, Mrs D. :cool:

:Thanx:

~ waves ~ relieved to be on post 667 :D:o:rolleyes:

HEY!

HEY YOU!!!

COME BACK HERE!!!


GIMME DAT!!!!


MINE!!! MINE!!!!

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh! !!!
:Bawling::mad::Bawling:

Trade you a ...Attachment 4614

and a cup of decaf...Attachment 4615

You really didn't need THAT many cookies.

She had a dozen on her plate. :eek:

:p
( she really has to get far far way from the 6XX number of post)

Waves,

I just dropped in for second and need to make a 10:00 call to Di so I'm in here really quick. I will try to get back to you later tonight. I've only read your 1st post so far. I am thinking of you though.

barbara

Good news
 

Dear Waves,
This is good. :) :cool: :)
He gave you want you pretty much wanted without your having to ask for it.

And we are all hoping that the increased Depakote works for you.

Mari

Waves, you seem to really have a good handle on what meds you need which is good. I'm on Depakote, 1,000 mg. and now I know why I act the way I do on it.

I hope you feel better soon.

Take care,
barbara

Barbara....
 

Thanks Barbara... and ROFL: I'm on Depakote, 1,000 mg. and now I know why I act the way I do on it.

i didn't notice at first. just things were sorta harder but nothing specific i could... then one day i noticed i couldn't for the life of me compute time zone differences ... with great frustration because it was not the *first* incident but had gone on for some time. And that was significant because being in a different time zone to most of the ppl i communicate with, i'm well-practiced at computing them... almost know the EST conversions like a times table! So it was ridiculous, e.g.: 8 + 6 .... whoahhh... ehhh... some two digit number or other? Like that!! Bad!

So i read up... and found that Depakote can cause cognitive dulling, and that the effect is subtle and may not notice right away :eek: despite (or perhaps because of??? LOL) signficant cognitive impairment. that's when i went down to 500. you could ask about a decrease perhaps too... but unless it's causing you significant trouble thinking, maybe now isn't such a good time... maybe wait until you're away from that neighborhood and those treacherous people.

you take care too Barbara. :hug: Thank you for your support. :)

~ waves ~

today...
 

Good morning... (?)

So.......
this evening it's off to my GP to pick up my add-on script for the 300mg pills. no other news... other than... i didn't sleep again last night.

HOWEVER, i slept right into the afternoon - solid, and had not-so-bad-dreams. i have a recurring theme that pops up often, and it popped up, but the dream was not as distressful as those i was having several weeks ago, theme or no theme. it is in "the norm" of distress for this theme... lol. i also had a lot of self-assurance within the dream, which was a very positive and unusual element.

i think therapy helped a lot yesterday, even though we only had a half hour left after we got the meds sorted. i am feeling calmer today - well, it's only "morning" so i guess we'll see. that would be my personal morning - i'm just awake and having coffee now... funny coz in most of your time zones, it actually is morning ... but in my time zone it's 3pm! :rolleyes:

i think i'm gonna take the day off today. not like i need to go looking for stressors right now. had enough of those - and pdoc agreed i had some very unusual stuff go down - with bad timing for me. so today i

HAVE PERMISSION TO BE LAZY. YES, LAZY.

I might put up the bed again though. it's good to get used to that... makes my body stretch where otherwise it wouldn't, doesn't take long... and mom will be happy. its' a step toward a daily activity and i won't be "bed-ridden" LOL. Although i'd perhaps prefer to stay propped up in bed today. That's ok. This is a PITA but it isn't feeling stressful.

And then, I'mna have me a hotdog for ... ehh... breakfast or whatever... FOOD! :p

Then i got a Monkey Tail to catch about some d'lishus d'srts left here last night... :p

Thank you all so much for being here :heartthrob: I think it has helped as much as my therapy did yesterday! :)

:grouphug:

:o ~ waves ~ :o

Oh..I guess we forgot to tell you. :o

We all set your internal clock to USA time. :D

GOOD MORNING!!

:p

ROFL!!! Ahhhhhaaa!!! That explains a LOT!!! :D:D:D

G'mornin' to you, Curious!

that was SOME "decafpuccino" you left me last night... too purty to drink... almost... hehe. and i'll take those... brownies(?) any day.

then i would need to take the scales and throw them out the window along with the few items in my wardrobe which still fit, tho... :Sigh:

Have a great day! :)

~ waves ~

I've asked my doctors about Depakote on behalf of our dau. Mrs. D is right.
Many look at it cautiously. It makes sense that you would want to ask some questions.

With this in mind, I would google for more information. I would ask your docs if this is the best medication for you. There is always a middle ground too...reducing this medication and adding on something else.

Do you take at least a multi vitamin?

Glad you are taking a blood test!

Who is doing your therapy? A psychiatrist, a psychologist or another mental health professional?

Balance is important. Nurture yourself when you are tired...but push yourself a little. Perhaps a little walk in the mornings.

Can you get to a library? Uplifting/positive books can be a nice supplement to therapy.

Oh...there are some supplements that might help with cognitive dulling. Here is one that I found for me and my family to be effective (but if it causes a reaction...obviously you wouldn't be able to take it: Jarrow Formula PS 100...you can get it at many health food stores and iherb.com).

Sounds like the folks here have given you some great advice.

Wishing you well.

Depakote also depletes carnitine. This can be a serious side effect, and has led to a few deaths.

I meant to add it before but I was thinking hormones that day!

Here is a good monograph about supplements with Depakote:
http://www.umm.edu/altmed/articles/a...ons-000189.htm

I'd consider carnitine #1 to deal with first.

i feel awful
 

had a huge fight w/ dad. i can't even talk about it. i don't feel welcome here. no, i got the sense - from something he accused me of - that he is the one. that doesn't like things ... and that he'd rather i not be here.

i have no place to go... no place better anyway.

i was furious over the whole course of the fight i can't stand it when i am told "how i feel" without a question mark at least implied in the statement. well, i needed to get out and suddenly realized need to go to GP - well it was good timing. so went. totally in tears by the time i got there. he told me how to contact social services but we both agreed this situation is probably as good/bad as any i'd find... but it doesn't hurt to ask. so i will go to social services and ask. that is if i am awake in the morning.

i ran my mouth off to my mom as she came in as i was leaving and said i didn't want dinner not tonight not tomorrow not the next etc etc. she was remarkably calm - well the wrath was not directed at her and anyway i was breaking down by then so she could tell i was about to burst out crying i think. she also knows my meds got changed.

i got my script anyway. and went to the pharmacy (also in tears) and got my meds too. at least that. the pharmacist was one who's been there a long time - we know each other by sight. very kindly woman. when i apologized for my appearance she smiled and said unhappy moments come to all of us. i said well i actually just had a huge fight with someone and after all the anger then... and she nodded like she knew what i meant. i mean i don't think this is a bipolar thing... i think many women especially, when get angry, then convert to tears. or the reverse can happen. well anyway, she said, hey, maybe take a short walk. well, i did. but i cried harder and couldn't keep going. but by the time got home had subsided. it is going in ... wouldncha know ~ waves ~ i start to break down again every few minutes.

thanks for listening. end of kook report.

:crazy::(:mad::Bawling: ~ waves ~ :Bawling::mad::(:crazy:

Dear Waves,
I'm sorry this happened. :hug: :hug: :hug:

Thank goodness for kindly people like the GP and the pharmacist. :Heart:


M.

Waves,
 

Thank you Waves. It was a good laugh. I still need to check for more posts in this thread.

barbara

hi Mari
 

ya, you got that right.

update... i napped after dinner... which i slunk in and ate after all, without speaking to dad, after being called 3 times very nicely by my mom. it's so weird. she can be so loud and when she gets angry boy... well that's another thing, but today she was kind to me when i came back up.

now is lights out (except mine) and meds time, and mom went off to bed. after sorta talking about what happened. she won't get in the middle because she wasn't there... (fair enough, did not ask her to, anyway) but she was trying to put to me that we're all grouchy in this house and impatient and have our issues and that whatever dad said even if he went off a bit, i probably then went and took it much more personally or heavily than intended. sorry that is not a well-formed sentence but i don't feel like fixing it.

i am trying to keep cognizant that i'm on the edge of a mixed state and so i'm supposed to be receptive to this sort of thought (that i may have overreacted to something). i'm supposed to remember right now - to defer judgement, and defer decisions/actions (such as would be moving for instance). i'm the one saying this to myself - no one else - these are my rules for episode management (of any kind, UP or DOWN)... but i can't get away from the sick feeling i have.

i just went and made myself decaf coffee and used regular by accident. :rolleyes: so i'll be up a while unless 300 extra mg Depakote gets to me. kinda doubt it it's the 24-hour release kind.

no longer in crisis mode but i am not ok either. i feel all tense inside. i felt like the response i got for the request i made was excessive and... i don't want to say abusive but it feels that way. i am trying to remember he is getting elderly and less controlled in what he says, has frustrations of his own... had hip pain yesterday - bad... and who knows what else - he doesn't tell of this stuff, we found out because i asked him... because he was limping!

i am trying to zoom out and look at a bigger picture.

bigger or smaller, i still hurt, my face is still twisted trying to hold back tears which are returning as i type this, and my stomach is in knots. i am still useless here at home, and now i am useless and losing my marbles too.

we had hamburger for dinner. mom makes good burger.

:(:crazy: ~ waves ~ :crazy::(

went to kiss parents goodnight
 

i just went into parents room and asked dad how was hip and how was foot (mom pointed out that sometimes foot hurts too). he said gone. i made joke (faceful of tears mind u) about gone where? anyway, pain gone, he said.

i kissed them both goodnight, told them depakote new dose would probably take 2-3 days to start having an effect and left, crying.

nobody said anybody was sorry. i'm not sorry i just feel like crap. and if he's sorry he ain't ready to say so. but he accepted kiss goodnight. also i broke silence which is theoretically good.

i always feel horrible at these times, thinking about when my parents will not be there at all, for me to kiss goodnight.

i don't really feel better myself. i feel very hurt and very muddled.

Thanks for your posts. I hope that they were not hard to write.
 

Dear Waves, :hug: :hug: :hug:

I guess your mom is trying to keep peace a little -- esp since this incident was not about her.

That's good that you are doing some self-talk about your need for a med change and your Dad's situation. I mean, even if it is not true that there was some over reaction or whatever, you are telling yourself that as a way to calm down and maybe be able to benefit from sleep.

That's a touching family moment you shared about going in to say "good night." It probably helped you to have a calm moment with them (even without the apology from your Dad) so that you can stay focused on keeping yourself calm and in the moment.

It's ok to feel hurt and useless and muddled.
Remind yourself that this will pass.
Moods change.

Sending hugs.
Wish I could send you some company so we could sit together trying to be calm and ok together.

Mari

Thank you Mari. :hug::hug::hug:

And thank you for that thought too. sounds good to me. at least you are here with me and for this i am so grateful. you really do help me keep a grip, you know?

So many ppl just don't get how hard it can be just to be calm and ok, do they. Some don't even care about being calm and ok. it's crazy. and then supposedly we're the crazy ones, go figure. hmmph. :mad::(

sometimes i wonder if we aren't just more in touch with our insanity than a good part of the rest of humanity. :cool::rolleyes: scary thought though.

~ waves ~

:hug: Waves :hug:

I should be up late tonight so I should be able to get on and chat with you if you need someone.

I am sure once you wake up in the morning things will look better than in the moment now. Whenever my ex and I fought I was such a basket case till the nest monring after sleeping. Also, once the new levels get in your system good you'll be looking at things more on the brighter side.

I know it is hard at times to get past the moment we feel in the now time and tell ourselves it will be better and try to focus on that. That didn't come out right. Sorry, it must be the Depakote I take. LOL Seriously though, I should talk to my doctor about getting off of mine.

Hugs,
barbara

Oh Waves, in all your burdens you take time to share with me the wonderful confoting experiance you had. Thank you so very much that was a great comfort me today and I needed it. It was a message for ment for me to have on a difficult day as today was. It lets me know she still inspires.

On the ativan, mine are a .5 and really don't do much of anything but take the edge off for a 2-3 hr period. It will help me to focus but not release the emotions are so needed to be ereased,

I hope you can find some relief and some type of increase can help. Jan feb March are my months of emotional drain and need of an outlet.

I am saying a prayer for you and have you under my wing to feel better, When the days turn nice and daylight longer hopefully you can get a rutn around,
Hugs and Prayers
Di

Dear Waves,
I'm hoping your sleep was / is easy and restorative. :heartthrob:
I hope you remember the enormous good in your heart and let your heart keep you steady.
Sometimes it is best not to do to much thinking.
Rest from thinking maybe and focus on recovery for a day or so. Do the equivalent of chicken soup. And if you can find chicken soup, all the better. Sometimes it helps me to make the figurative literal.
Be well.
Mari

today - quick update
 

last night was exhausted. tried to tuck in earlier 3ish? but the head-crap kept me awake. i had taken my usual 2mg En and new dose of Depakote. after an hour of restless insomnia 2.5mg lorazepam. no worky. i sat up again and took another 1mg of En. eventually i got sleepy and slept, but not well and not much.

i was supposed to go out tonight and am not. had to cancel on my friend. i was worried about that partly - both waking up/prepping for/making it to/throughout the outing, and also not really feeling like going out but not wanting to cancel.

dad is acting like everything is all back to normal today. i looked up something for him on the web. i still feel like i got socked in the stomach and still not breathing right... like after you cry. just not as severe. i have not cried today either. belly breathing has not helped so far.

that's all. i need to wash hair desperately and yet can't get myself to do anything except occasionally eat - just for the sake of it - comfort eating minus any real comfort.

thanks for your posts. i'm sorry i'm not addressing. i just posted to Pam about Seroquel. Man that ****** me off what they did to her. Anyway now am drained.

waves

I hope that you get some good sleep soon, I know hen I was waking up with migraines earlier this week. Don't be too hard on yourself, you have a lot on you rmind right now. :hug: