Introductions
 

I'm glad too Kristen... Mom's are pretty wonderful to have.

i have tried to take my life twice now, and both times i was unsuccessful.
i can't say that i dont think about ending it, because i do...
i was told after my second attempt that Suicide was the cowards way out, and that hit a chord with me, as i thought everyone who knew what i had tried was classing me as a coward... now i think that you have to have a certain amount of bravery to take that final step..

to therealme
 

I don't think attempting to kill oneself has anything to do with either cowardice or bravery, but that's just how I think. I do find it sad that people would equate despair with cowardice. I think that is a totally unfair and unreasonable and illogical statement. It doesn't make sense to me.

I know what it's like to be judged but I feel that sometimes when people judge other people that way then they're just talking through their hat with hollow words 'cause they find it easier to judge than to try to understand in a compassionate way, or even just talk about what's going on at all.

It's the same as people who tell others to just "get on with it and forget the past". We are our past. How can people forget the past? That's something I could never understand with my so-called relatives regarding a lot of things that happened in my younger years as a child and teenager. When my relatives used to say things like that to me it was like negating my very existence and the experiences that had made me who I am. I lost my parents very young in life and went to live with relatives who acted all my life as if they had never existed. Not a word. Not one word. I ended up feeling as if I'd been dropped off here from an outer solar system instead of born to beautiful people. Instead of being able to openly deal with grief in a caring environment, it became almost "easy" to just shut it all away.

So, to therealme, I just think that by suggesting that you're a coward for attempting to end your own existence just doesn't make sense to me. It's those sort of comments and treatments that makes people totally shut off from others ... well, it would be for me.

therealme, I'm not sure we've met before. I see you've only made a couple of posts on these forums, but I really hope that you're feeling stronger by now and I also hope that you have someone in your "real" life (apart from here I mean, and we are real too) who cares about therealyou and whatever you do, please don't shut it all away, 'cause sometimes when we shut it all away for far too long, it all just wants to get out in too much of a hurry and then we need to deal with that on a more intense level than getting through from day to day. Sometimes that's what it takes though, just getting through day to day but I'm really hoping you have some good support there to fall back on if you need it.

Please let us know how you're doing.
I don't know you, but I do know I care how you're doing.

hi lara
thank you, yes i have a family in the real world, a wife and 4 children.
and thats what makes my feelings even harder !!!!!!!!!
because of my actions last year, we have lost our home and our family are split up all over then place.
this weekend has been very very hard. i have and still am in a dark space, a place where i visit quite offen.
as for how im doing today !! im not sure, i want to cry, i want to hide, but i also want to try, to get my family back

Mechanical, the hands move
open lips beckoning
the abyss smiles with arms outstretched
waiting for the senses to submit.
Eternity bitter to the tongue
yet mind sweet
the light fades.

I'm Not Proud Of What I Am..........................
 

I made it through!!!
 

:hug: oh Justice that is so good to hear. :hug:

happy belated birthday :Birthday:

Justice, that's very good news indeed.
Happy belated Birthday to you and many happy returns of the day.
It sounds as if you're doing something very right. Take care of yourself there.

Having a really tough time again!
 

This thread makes me very sad. I too have tried to take my own life. I don't talk about it much as I have a very difficult time just thinking about it.

I don't think it is a coward's way out either as someone mentioned. Whoever would say that has no idea what kind of pain a person is experiencing to even think about doing something like this let alone following through with it.

I have two dogs and they are keeping me on this earth. I know that sounds odd but there were days that only my dogs were able to get me to smile. They do not judge or say nasty things. They don't care if I'm too thin or too fat. They don't say nasty things about me behind my back. I have learned that people can be very cruel, uncaring and two faced. That combined with chronic illness can just push anyone over the edge.

I hope I never fall into that black hole again.

life is hard -good decisions are imperative to your life
 

dearest dearhearts
-
I am not for certain but I am sure of this -we have all been very depressed,
outta of blue sky - suddenly-I hear my self doubts scream -you have no purpose in your life - why are you stil here?
l have thoughts about -life... we try to measure up and always fall short of the goal -no matter what...the voices that replay in our minds.
the mirror of the reflecting hurtful past.
some of the greattest hearts of our time - have only become great, because of heart break and loose -

so what I do is -

Take out the trash -evn if it sneaks back in your colllection of thoughts.
Do away with all the old repeat messages, negative messages you were given about yourself.
The strangest thing is to replay them is easier some days,when we hate ourselves ~~
although sometimes on a sunny day -suddenly in our minds a dark cloud comes overhead with a 100 percent chance of - a dark night of the soul -on the way - on those nights- do not allow yourself to be alone...

If someone has told you that you are worthless, undeserving, dense or unattractive, that is their voice - screaming out their hurts clawing out to hurt you or anyone that happens to be in the area.

No one has a right to judge you or belittle you. especially ourselves!
We are all struggling to get by in this world, and no one else has all the answers. Honor your own truth. In your own heart, you know who you are . . . don't let another take that power away from you. Love yourself.

I believe in GOD -and GOD has a purpose for our lives -even if we not realize what it is...:Heart:
I go through this weekly - and I tell myself and others I love- I'm sorry Forgive Yourself . . . and Move On.
Okay . . . so maybe you/ and I did screw up on a few things, maybe even on most things. Some of us have to learn the hard way. There are really no failures or mistakes, just opportunities for growth. Usually something good does come out of our mistakes. So learn from them, don't repeat them, forgive yourself, and move on.
luv,

Ps -
 

Enjoy Feeling Fine.

Remember when/if you have had a toothache,earache the flu, or a migraine.

Remember the relief you felt when you first started to feel better? Until we are sick, we rarely appreciate how good it feels to feel well. Be glad you are well.
so just hold on - slow down
and breathe deeply -you are not in a rush to finish -like some type of race?
breathe in LOVE
exhale - Fear...

same boat
 

I tried to commit suicide 4 times since the age of 16. the last attempt being oct 31 2007 i remember everything before i feel to the ground than i just saw rainbow colors and i was happy thinking this was going to be it the pain and suffering were over. but than i woke up in icu with a bunch of tubes down my mouth and cried because i was unsuccessful they gave me a 25% chance to live and it hurt my family so much especially my kids than i was 302ed to an impatient program against my will which was like a prison for a week there isnt a day that goes by that i dont think about it sincerlly the sad on (Denise)

:grouphug:I'TS BEEN A YEAR SINCE I LOST MY BROTHER TO SUICIDE. LIFE WITH HIM WAS FUN AND HE WAS SUCH A WONDERFUL GUY. NOW MY LIFE IS CHANGED FOREVER. KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED.

(((Flame))) come back and talk to us...we really do "get it" here. :hug:

I also tried to take my life
 

I took about every pill I could find which was a lot of pills. I was in a coma for 3 days. I have yet been forgiven after 31/2 years. By my huband and 3 adult kids. I would love to just get in our car and leave and start a new life somewhere else. So I wouldn't be judge any more every single minute of my life.

I see you have located our crs forum clownie...welcome to NeuroTalk and I'm sorry for all the pain you are in. I'm sure taking all those pills was your way of trying to end the pain...not your life. Sorry people are judging you. :grouphug:

Hi Clownie. I'm glad you found us, and I also am sorry about your family not understanding.

Please do join everyone in SOS anytime! I hope this finds you pain free today.

:hug:

I, too, feel like ending everything. I HATE living and pray every second to die; I've tried many, many times. I have a disease that's supposed to kill me in 7-10 years and so that gives me 3-5 years since being diagnosed but that is not fast enough. I want it NOW!!!!!!! I can't stand another day of this - I just can't. No person, no fame, all the money in the world wouldn't be enough to keep me here for ten seconds more....I hate it that much. Yes, I do have a family and, no, even that doesn't matter right now. They'd be much better without me at this point. People get tired of a sick person and so I've gone back to being the person I used to be - who rarely talked and never left the house.

Nothing is important right now. I have no control over anything, so I decided to stop eating....so far, so good. At least I have TREMENDOUS control over that and it makes me feel good. I just can't wait 3 years, let alone 5!!!!!

Hippiechick :hug:

One of our wonderful members posted a thread just for you...

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread54261.html

I hope you will go take a look there. I am going to go and
post to you there as well. I just wanted to let you know I
and others are here if you want to talk:hug:

(((Hippiechick))) please come back and at least say 'hey'! Lots and lots of hugs waiting for you at sweet Nik-key's link above! :hug:

And believe me, every post to you is sincere.

hippiechick,
just want you to know I am thinking about you. It's true, there is no judgement here. None of us pretends to be walking in your shoes right now. And we do care, it just naturally comes with the territory. When I really don't know how to express how I am feeling, putting, 'I wonder' in front seems to help. :Heart:

I've never really talked about my attempt. That was 23 years ago now. My mom pretends it never happened, so I guess I just follow suit. But it was real, very real. I was 18. I went to the store, bought a bottle of sleeping pills, went to my friends house (she was at work), and downed them all. When I started feeling the effects of the pills, I got scared and called a friend. He came and took me to the hospital. I had to have my stomach pumped which is a horrible experience. I was put on a 72-hour psychiatric hold. I ended up being court-ordered into therapy. I eventually worked through it. Many times since then, especially with my pain, I have wished that I would just die. But, I would never, ever do that again. Why? Because I love Jesus and suicide is a sin that would send me straight to hell. And hell is real and not a place I intend on going when I die!! And no, this decision is not easy, in fact, it's very difficult because it makes me feel trapped when I get depressed, knowing that is never an out for me limits my options. So that is my story in so far as this subject goes!

I'm so glad you failed in your suicide attempt dear Cheetafam. I lost a son to suicide many years ago and it changed our family forever. I also love and believe in Jesus and in a forgiving God, who I believe was with our son when he completed this act.

Welcome to the forum where we talk about "it" and our feelings. Talking about "it" helps us heal. When we don't talk about it...there's an elephant in the room. :hug:

What an amazing thing you've said there. I really enjoyed reading that. And felt every word. And I agree with you totally. And really want just to say, thank you. So many times people just don't understand how another is feeling. The desperation of sadness' that can overcome any of us. And how we (in my opinion) probably all have had someone treat us as though, "Oh get over it". "Leave it alone". To feel understood is fantastic. I'm going to enjoy this group tremendously!:hug:

Someone told me to check this forum out--
 

Hi,

I have never actively attempted to end my life. However, suicidal ideation has been a near constant companion for me since I got sick in 2007. To be honest, I am afraid to try because I think I would screw it all up and just make things much worse than they are now.

This illness has taken my career, my independence, my family just really doesn't understand--except for one person. My mother told me that she would never wait on me hand and foot---I never asked for that, so I really wonder how much she honestly loves me with the unconditional love she talks about.

My medical bills are so large and continuing that I feel like a financial burden and my husband somehow cannot bring himself to do more than a perfuntory kiss and a pat on the leg anymore.

On Sept 11, I was diagnosed with Sensory Ataxia and Orthostatic Hypotension--both quite symptomatic and with Trigeminal Neuralgia on July 16. Add in a few other health problems, the Depression and PTSD and I am just plain overwhelmed and don't know what kind of future I have.

I am 55, that in itself is a factor.

I need to find meaning and purpose in my life again. I have some ideas but I don't know if they will work out.

I am on medications, see a Therapist, and do everything I "should" do to me mentally healthy. I didn't struggle with these feelings before I got sick.

More than anything tonight, I wish one of my illnesses was terminal or that I had the guts to end things. But I worry about my family. Then I get mad that I have to worry about them. I wish they would understand. I wish, more than anything, that they would understand.

Thanks for reading---hate to meat anyone under these circumstances, ever.
lifesaver--but some days I sink like a stone.
:grouphug:

Lifesaver welcome to sos.
I am sorry for the pain you are livning with.
I am glad you found your way here.
I have t.n. and also have anesthesia dolorosa. I know about those kinds of pain. I also have delt with ptsd and heavy depression also attempting.
I am glad your seeing a pro .slowly but surely that helped me as did other things.
not for one second do i wish any of your illnesses were terminal .
ending your life would not make ANYTHING better for you or your family.you need those guts to keep on going !!! you can not imagen the guilt they would have to face and live with each day.
Your family may not understand but I want you to take that a step further... and think this... your family dose not understand how to act or what to do because your sick and living with pain. you didnt have to deal with dark feelings before you got sick.... it is a learning process for everyone. for you for them for the whole lot of us...
can I ask ,are you able to control the t.n. pain with meds or nerve blocks?? I have lots of info on t.n and neuralgia over all and will offer all the help I can give ... with t.n. and anything else.
please do not give up. you will find a new purpose and reason in life. we will help you. thats what this place is all about. helping ,listening, reaching and holding on, picking eachother up. its like a family of non judgemental, wise ,caring amazing people. and I am glad you right next to me cus it is possible I can help somehow. so hold on , do NOT be so hard on yourself. I know how I got so angry at my own body for "letting me down" . please dont give up . I know you can get threw this and find purpose and reason again. we will help you :grouphug: each in our own way help the best we can.
sending low pain positive thoughts and lots of strength to you :hug:lifesaver :hug:.
PEACE
BMW

Hey Lifesaver,

I read your post and it touched me greatly. I wonder too how your mother could say such a thing to you. So because she wont say I will, I am sorry.

I under the suicidal feelings and how you would wish one to be terminal or to have the guts to end it. I cant and wont compare my little neuropathy problem to what you are going through but I have felt the same way at times. That being said I can total understand why people kill themselves when they are sick.

Back in 1996 my father was battling a cancer that attacked his whole body, so at the end of February he decided to shoot himself in the chest. While my stepmom was outside feeding thebirds she heard the shot and came in and he was still alive. She sang to him he died in her arms. I was sworn to secrecy because my father was a well known business man and my brother thought if people found out it would shame our family. I on the other hand feel that he did what he had to do. It took me a long time to figure that out!

Why did I tell you this, I felt I needed to. Just know you have my prayers, support, and love from a new friend. If you need anything ask. Would I want you to kill yourself, no, but, I would totally understand it.

Sometimes you need to stop thinking of everyone else and just think of you!

F em if they dont understand!! (Me being angry for you)

Love,
bleusz :mad:

I wonder how many of us simply forget to look up here at the introductions and miss people's posting. I do and I apoligize to Lifesaver and I thank bleuz for responding to her.

I wonder (yeah, wrong thread) how many of us think it would be a good idea to put this thread "downstairs". :grouphug:

Oh Lord....no polls please. *grin

I wonder if the green arrow will help the thread up here be better noticed :)

:grouphug:

Bravery
 

You are not a coward - you are reaching out for help. We welcome you - post as often as you can.

Pride
 

You should be proud of yourself. Look at what you've been through and conquered in spite of your mom and all her baggage.

Hello Lifesaver

quote 'Thanks for reading---hate to meat anyone under these circumstances, ever.
lifesaver--but some days I sink like a stone.' end quote


Good job i can swim good then......when your stone is sinking i'll dive in and bring you back too the surface....you just need to shout out:hug:

David....

SOS Newbie
 

I'm new to NeuroTalk and Survivors of Suicide. I was invited by Alffe (thanks!).

My brother, Ronnie, committed suicide on January 6, 2010. He was 38, a year younger than me. I miss him every day. Every day.

I haven't had the chance yet to read through the other introductions, but I think it's safe to say we all have something in common. I look forward to meeting many of you and sharing stories of our loved ones.

Mike

I'm so glad you've joined us my friend, but I'm afraid you'll not be properly welcome up here... can you post this below too? *grin Although I could copy and paste you....:D

Howdy All
 

Hey everyone,

I am Free Kittens and have just joined. I, primarily, am looking for/wanting to give info and support around the issue of depression and having attempted suicide.

I attempted only once, 3 years ago. I have multiple medical issues, lost my job, lost my house, lost my health and was at that point when you just don't see any choices or hope. I overdosed on every CNS depressent I could find in the house and hundreds of tylenol.

I am just now feeling safe enough to start looking at all this. I have been in crisis mode since the attempt. I lost my 3 oldest children as a result of my attempt. My youngest was sexually and physically abused by her father and his mother while I was in the hospital. I have been fighting since then to get my baby safe and just got custody of her, legally, 2 weeks ago. She had been placed with me for 1.5 years and in foster care before that.

Like most (everyone) here I have an awful story that is too long to type all in one post. I'm sure more of my story will come in time.

I'm looking forward to meeting everyone.

Wishing a Grand Day to all
Free Kittens