Mari
 

Just a note to say I am sorry you aren't feeling that great...wonder if it has anything to do with the holidays coming up. I have been listening to a lot of Sting...somehow I find him soothing...most of the songs I have been listening to aren't up songs...so they don't go against the grain lol...
how do you find the holidays? also how is your foot?
Bobby
ps although this might be off the wall I think bipolar is a gift from the great unknown because it brings us a chance to draw us closer to the great unknown...if we were happy and go lucky, it would probably never cross our mind...
I too only know of one person, Attie, who has gotten better

Dear Bobby,
Attie is the person I remember too.

The holidays don't bother me much. Since I was 5 my family celebrates the holiday strictly as a religious holiday. I go to church that day.

At night I have been picturing my friend who was in a diabetic coma last year (december) for 9 days. She came out of it the Sunday before Christmas and I was the first one who saw her awake. I have been replaying how that time went for us (fam and friends) ). She is ok now, going to school and working at a job she likes...and taking her meds.

I guess I have been thinking about the journey of bipolar. The bipolar has set me on a different path than I had planned in my early 20s. But that is true of most people -- our early 20s plans don't hold up.

I've been wondering what kind of journey I am on.
I am certainly not on a journey to accomplish/achieve great things because I can't do that.
Perhaps the journey is to find meaning in the life as it is.

Mari

I have read the I Ching a huge amount...not lately but for most of my life.
It says the highest good to be without blame so we don't need to climb Mt.
Everest....but to set our goal to be without blame...
The trouble is I think a lot of bipolars like to be mentally stimulated and like excitement and at least in early years choose paths that aren't the easy way out but probably the most difficult...
I think you need to be a saint to be without blame but I think it is a great goal...much more satisfying short run and long run than climbing mt everest
Bobby

Bobby, Mari
 

I hope you guys don't mind my dropping in to say...

roflmao i love it... that's how i am too. you are sounding better than you have in a good long while now... I am glad to see. hope it holds out.
Also how is your foot - stupid me, i don't even know what happened to it :o

~ waves ~ very little ones

~

Hi Bobby and Waves,
Isn't Waves the one with the foot problems? ?

Waves, I hope that the foot is better.


I was having a non-specific ankle issue that comes and goes. It went for now!
And other minor foot things -- hard to find shoes for ex......

Ok for now. Thanks for asking.

Mari

Dear Waves and Bobby,

I'm practicing not putting pressure on myself -- no more climbing mountains simply because I should.
But then what next?

From my bedroom window (2nd floor apt.) I watched two teenagers practice skateboarding today.
http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/sports/skateboard.gif http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/sports/skateboard.gif
They stunk. They were practicing the early but important move of jumping off the boad and landing back on it. After a while they got in the car and drove off. I only watched because I was trying to identify the sound of the skateboard dropping onto the asphalt.
Too many sounds here, I'm telling you.

I guess I am going to keep trying. Although I'm not sure what I am supposed to try for, I am learning that I can try while still being easy on myself.

Yoga teaches this very well. One can still get the full benefit of the stretch even if she is abysmally inadequate in the execution of it.
I know this because I went to yoga class last night. This I know.

Mari

I think all we are supposed to try for is to get healthier and keep on giving ourselves affirmations that we are going to get healthier and to keep on trying to get rid of stress. I don't know whether watching the skateboarders was a good idea or not because it sounds as if it was stressful unless it was amusing...
I think it took me a month to adapt to the street noise of New York...I lived on a quiet street in Hartford and I used to get anxiety attacks when I heard strange noises and I was alone in the house or when my cat's ears would shoot up and I didn't hear anything. Different strokes......
Anyways keep telling yourself that you are getting better....
Bobby

Dear Mari,
It is interesting what we decide to do for ourselves...depending on how we feel.
and how different we feel during the year...
August thru November, I was able to follow my goals of being healthier:
Start taking vitamins twice a day
Vit c
mag
calcium
Start flossing daily
Exercising at the gym, and showering daily....
getting up earlier to go to the gym..only needing 7 hours of sleep....
following a healthier diet
Getting my business in better shape...paperwork wise.
Now...
I can't get out of bed in the mornings 9-10 hours of bed time....
and missing my clients appointments in the mornings.
no motivation to go to the gym at all.
Eating most everything that isn't tied down,
Drinking more alcohol than I should
staying on the computer too much and staying up too late.
not showering...until I can't stand me anymore....
It is hard to explain to other people who don't suffer from these mood swings just what we go thru...it is very frustrating to have to deal with this...I want the energy/motivation back....maybe it is just a down time for me...and I will be better in the near future....I want to be goal driven all the time...is this ridiculous to acheive? or maybe it is a seasonal thing...Or maybe I just need to "work harder"...or is this depression creeping upon me....:Sigh:
Or rather Is it simply...."mind over matter"...
I don't know now...
I guess I jsut need to wait...this too shall pass right?
sorry to take over your thread....
bizi

sounds
 

Dear Morgy,
Yes, I know that people get used to sounds. I lived near airports or trains my whole adult life.

But the skateboarding was a sound I didn't recognize. And it was unsettling in a way even after I identified the sound.

I have to figure out why I am so sensititive. Maybe it is a reaction to having to adjust to the move.

I believe I am getting better. I also recognize that this is part of a process -- that it does not happen over night. And that I can be patient.
Mari

Dear Bizi,
About two weeks ago I put myself back on good vitamins

-multi
-vit C
-B multi
-Magnesium at night
-fish oil
-flax seed oil
-CoQ10

I think I need to add a little more zinc than I get from the multi.
Also, I'm on BC pills and they deplete some vits.

And I do the floss thing too, because, well, the dentist.

But the other things you mention are beyond me at the moment.

The fact that you did them all for a while is a big deal. I think that even without bipolar as a factor, we go in cycles and through periods.


Perhaps you need more sleep right now. I read that we (people) should sleep more in the winter. -- and yeah even though La is not the frozen North, you still prob get a slight change in seasons. And maybe (guessing here) our bodies are sort of programed to slow down for part of a year.


I hear you about the shower!
I remember when we were kids and used to swim. That was so different from now. I liked the water. I wonder how we can get back some of the carefree things from our childhood? I'm not asking for all of them -- just a few here and there.


Yes, this too shall pass. Take it easy on yourself.

We are already working hard staying sane. I figure that by getting up in the morning I have already achieved more than many people.

Mari

Thank you Mari for your kind reply....
i think you are right...my counselor agrees too about us going thru a "wintering" period.:I-Agree:
I was very "goal" oriented today.
Made myself get up after 6 hours of sleep...hopefully get to bed earlier tonight....
Wrapped almost all of the christmas presents, finished the christmas cards, made some gifts and wrapped them too.

It is beautiful today 70's can't believe it really!
Hope you are enjoying the weekend.

(((HUGS))))
bizi

I always forget about the part of being patient lol...is that bipolar?
Bobby