Who do you talk to?
 

There are time I feel rotten and would feel better if I could just share how I feel with someone else. It seems like every time I try to talk to someone they turn the conversation back to themselves and start telling me how much they ache or how awful they feel. It has gotten to the point that I just don't say anything anymore. As a result, I have no social supports. What do you do?

I mostly come here.....everybody here understands what I'm talking about and can relate. Friends and even family who do not live everyday with MS don't understand. Not their fault.....but they will never get it. Even my own kids who live with me and see how MS affects me act surprised when I can't keep up or have to turn down an invitation.

For me it depends on what I am talking about. However, I know exactly what you mean about people turning the conversation around. People love to talk about themselves, which is OK with me as I like to listen to what others have to say and it takes my mind off my troubles. But if I really need to talk, I will say hey, I need to talk to you about something can you just listen. Most of the time the person will just listen.

For years now, I keep a notebook/journal and write letters to God. In those letters I express what I am feeling about everything and anything. It really helps and even though he is not here in the physical sense, I get my answers/support/needs in the most amazing ways.

For MS, I come in here. Some people go to MS gatherings with their local MS chapter.

Like you, most people want to relate to you by sharing their own pains. It is their way of showing empathy.

MS can be isolating, especially if one is physically limited.

Here, you will find someone that has the same sx and you will always find someone that will say just the right thing by listening to what you have to say.

i go to my wife. shes my best friend and has always made time for me.
no matter what the problem is shes always got an ear i can bend

Sometimes I will write to my good friend who lives out of state. It is good therapy because I can get out what I need to say. Sometimes I talk with my good friend here but I hate to feel like I am calling and complaining. She will listen and try to understand (she's great because she tries and doesn't pretend she does understand). And other times I will write to my good friend who I communicate with, who also has MS, through e-mail. For the more serious things that are really bothering me I come here. This is where I get unconditional support and encouragement. Plus no matter how wacky it sounds, you all will understand exactly what I am saying!

You would think my DD and I would talk, since we both have MS, but we don't....not about MS..:)

I come here, too..:grouphug:

Mostly, I'm a listener, I have a cottage industry of being the amateur therapist to a lot of people.

When I need to talk about me, I start with God, then I talk aloud to myself or the object of my disdain, then I go ballistic in my journal for pages on end. If I still feel like I need to discuss things, I have a couple good friends who are at the ready to hear me out.

Often, all I need is to come here and smack the snot out of DM. It's very therapeutic and please accept my open invitation to join me.

My general nature is typically to seek solutions and fix it. MS is, by far, the most confounding conundrum I've faced. :Bang-Head: :Bang-Head: :Bang-Head:

I normally listen to everyone else, and as a nurse, alot of folks head in my direction when they dont feel well. Its like because I am the fixer, I am not supposed to whine.

My DH used to try to be a fixer. If you brought it up, he took it personally as his mission in life to fix it. After 22 years, I have him trained to NOT fix it. Just listen. I have promised him when i need/want it fixed, I will ask for it to be fixed. If I dont ask, it means i am just venting, or need to let it out. it took a few years for him to get the hang of it, but he is much better now. He can even be comforting. I say "gee, Im really sore today, and frustrated. I just dont feel good." and he will give me a hug and tell me I have been doing too much for others. Why not go take a long bath, and maybe watch a video or something. He promises to tell anyone who calls that I am napping, and will call them later. :hug: dontcha love that?


It may help for you to allow the person who is interupting you to have a few moments to whine, and get their part of the story in, then follow up with a "I know you too are having a bad day, but boy oh boy, I could really use someone to listen to me. can I talk to you?" and "MOST" will take the hint, and step up to the plate. You will find that there are others who will jump in with a "yeah, I could use someone to listen to me too." attitude. if so, seek higher ground.

I also come here. You guys just get it. I dont have to explain it, or retell it in baby language. I dont have to pretend its ok. I can just kick and scream and have my fit, and not be judged.

Start a thread, tell us whats on your mind. we are all ears.

I either come here for my MS stuff or to my oldest daughter. If I talk to my Mom or sister they try to read to much into it. My sister will half way listen and then do whatever possible to turn the converstion over to her many, many, many ailments. My Mom just worries then she gets mad at me when she finds out I haven't felt well and didn't confide in her. If I talk to my husband I never know if he is listening or I am being tuned out.

OMG HOW TRUE IS THIS! I keep my aches and pains and feeling crappy to myself for just this reason. It almost seems like a contest , you feel lousy but I feel worse. I don't even share how I feel with my partner because she tends to be overly protective.

When I am having a bad day, I usually go and talk to my mum or come on here to vent. My mum is the only member of my family that really understands what I am going through as she has been with me through the good and bad times. I'm really lucky to have her - I honestly don't know what I would do without her at times!!

It is SO nice to have people on here to come and talk to though who can relate!! I don't think anyone will truly understand what we go through on a daily basis unless they go through it themselves. Everyone here is so nice and friendly and have really helped me a lot!!!

I understand what you are saying about people turning the situation back to them when you tell them how you are feeling. I have a lot of 'friends' and family members who are like that. One of my aunties is really bad - she is the sort of person that if you have cold, she has pneumonia and is alway complaining about how bad she feels!!!!

I'm not really one to talk to people when i'm not feeling well - I just choose to keep things inside me sometimes until I explode. I am better than I was though and now realise that I need to open up so that people know how I truly feel. I guess I just feel like a complainer sometimes if I moan (as i'm sure you all do too!!)!

Interesting topic - thanks for sharing!

I get that too from my dh - I think a lot of men are like that. I had to remind myself to say what I wanted, why I was telling him my troubles, so he knew what I wanted from him.

"What would you do?" "How should I handle this?" Are his clues that I want advice, and if I need a neck rub or a cup of tea, I know how to ask.

Sometimes I'll just come out and say, "I feel crummy, mind if I whine?"

:o

You guys still get it better than anyone. But if all else fails - if I'm in a mood, and don't wanna talk to people - my dogs are really a great comfort. You can tell them anything, they'll snuggle all day, and they never repeat what you say or talk about ya behind your back.

Welcome to NT! I don't think I have had to the chance to say that either.

this is a wonderful place to let it all out - no one judges here and you can say what you want! A great supportive place to come and vent if you need too...

I have to vouch for AMN on this one - she has been a blessing to me over the last year - she is one of the best listeners I have ever met!

Good Luck and please remember we are all here for you when you need it!

i have some good friends i can talk to and value them dearly.
i also try to be a good listener. people like to talk about themselves.

journaling can be very therapeutic.
i see a therapist and it really helps to talk to a professional. he listens to me vent and is able to redirect my thinking in a positive way.

and, of course all my friends here are the greatest when it comes to understanding all things MS and otherwise.

just chime in and you'll get to know people, and they you. :)

me too Kel....noone really understands here at home.....Im glad I have you guys:hug: