My Dad and a butterfly .....
 

Since Dad's burial last June I have a new love. Butterflies. Yellow ones in particular.

That day was so traumatic. First I helped to lay him in the ground, and then we had the public service. All through the day, when I thought surly my life was ending, there was this spectacular pale yellow butterfly dancing around the graveside.

At first, I was angry at that poor little butterfly, just as I was angry at the sun for shining, the world for turning. Every single time I broke down, that damn butterfly would wisp by. When the words being said were too much , when the pain was too much to bear, I took to watching that butterfly.

After the service, I left our favorite flowers with him, yellow roses.. and we went down to the local church for the "reception". It was more than I could take. I made my way back to his grave, I needed to be alone to say good-bye. As soon as I saw the stone I fell apart. I half walked half crawled to be beside him.

My husband found me there, sobbing, sprawled across the stone. When he was trying to help me up, I happened to look down.. and there on the roses, the butterfly was resting. Yellow roses, and a yellow butterfly. If not for the whispering movement of his wings, I wouldn't have seen him.

I sat there stunned, just starring at that butterfly. I sat back down, and placed my hand near the flowers. I inched closer and closer to him, he never made a hint at moving. As I put my finger beneath its belly, the butterfly sat on my hand. I sat there like that, in awe, for some time.

A quote came to me.... I can't remember when I first heard it, but I know it was my Dad who told it to me....

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over,
it turned into a butterfly."

It has been a year since that day, and I still can not find words to express the emotions that flew through me at that moment. I knew Dad was at peace. I knew he was there with me. :hug:

Every single time I have gone to his grave, I have seen a yellow butterfly. Not orange, purple, blue...but yellow. Crazy to think Dad came to me by way of a butterfly? Perhaps. But, it brings me peace. :hug:


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I love you Daddy :hug:

Ah Nik-key... thanks so much for sharing this with us.
Of couse the butterfly is your Dad!
wow

:hug:

Nikki, that was so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing :hug:

I have always dreamed with something like that happening to me.... still waiting for something as magic as that in my life.... :(
Those little messages God send... wow. Im so glad to read you had one :hug:

That's beautiful Nikki, and I don't doubt for a minute that your dad was and is with you. :hug::hug::hug:sssss and prayers.....

I believe with all my heart Nikkey that your dad is with you every minute of every day. :hug:

Often I feel my brother here with me, especially when I play his favorite songs. I often feel like I have a sixth sense about things & that at times of great crisis in life, I have an angel looking after me...That Angel's name...Mark.

I use to believe that there are some things that seem too precious to share. Then I came to know, it isn't that they are too precious, you just need to find special people who will understand. I have found that here with all of you and I thank you for giving me a safe place to share:hug:

I should mention, I wasn't the only one who noticed the butterfly that day. It was another family member who pointed out to me that the butterfly had landed on my shoulder when I was breaking. In my heart, I know it was Dad:hug:

I too believe that Dad is with me. Those closest to me - know about the butterfly..... they know whenever I see a yellow butterfly, I am going to talk to it. Yep, I carry on conversations with them as if it were my Dad :).

What is kind of neat, last week was a hard one for all of us. Me, my sis and the kids were all out in the yard. We saw a yellow butterfly, but this time it wasn't just me that said Hi. 4 Voices rang out greeting Dad in their own way. Through the tears, we all burst out laughing. Such a gift:hug:

((BJ)) Thank you for sharing your Angel ((Mark)) with us :hug::hug:

Aw, how nice is that Nikki.

Awesome. :)

I still cant hear or see my angels :(

In her book From A Healing Heart, the author, whose son Jody completed suicide shares the mystery of a single Black-eyed Susan that grows on her sons grave every year, out of season.

"Whether it was a sign from Jody or from God; perhaps a bird dropped a Black-eyed Susan seed on the fresh grave, it brought me relief. I felt that my son wasn't far away, and that his spirit would always be with me.

If nothing more, it helped to begin to think of Jody there, at the gravesite. He was dead, and I began to accept that. I started to realize that I would never again see his form as I had known it. But his spirit would be close and would guide me. I would not forget him and what we shared. He would always be special. What we gave to one another, what we had meant to each other, would not die or diminish with the passage of years, and it has not. Each year since Jody's death, a single Black-eyed Suman has grown on his grave.

It is a comfort and a joy. It is a remarkable phenomenon that now makes me smile rather than cry.

Jody was a kid who never forgot my birthday, and never outgrew giving his mom flowers. I choose to believe he still hasn't.

There are many mysteries in life and death that can't be explained, and I think shouldn't be, just accepted."

From A Healing Heart by Susan White-Bowden

*********

yep... this place is pretty special! :grouphug:

Nik-key... a yellow butterfly flew through my yard this morning... I'm quite sure he was on his way to see you as he flitted by rather quickly... but I knew his intent... he reminded me of you .... isn't that cool!?!!

You might all notice my atvar is a picture of what I think is a siamese cat sitting in the sunset. (The sunset reminds me of my life living by the ocean in Vancouver - friends and I would have cocktails on our 21'st floor roof in the evenings). One of my special friends: Maureen - always talked about this particular seagull that would sit on the roof railing as we talked... we all called the Seagull "Bud" - he was her long passed away partner. A few years ago, Maureen got a brain tumour and died... and darned if there isn't another seagull who has joined Bud! To this day, when I go to that rooftop - I toast with both Maureen and Bud.

Isn't a wonderful feeling to be reminded that our loved ones are with us forever. :hug:


These pics were taken in 2007.



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When I was a very little child, my mother passed away and I couldn't find her anywhere. I went out into the garden and saw her there in all the flowers. I actually don't remember her face, but I do know that even when I go into the garden so many decades later, I see her in all the flowers. I have a special love for pansies with their little faces. I know she's always there... somewhere.

I will share a personal secret ...
when my Dad passed away ..I was a teen he was cremated . after when I was 16 my mom decided to move and she put the ashes around the garden at the house before she moved. I stayed and tryed to fininsh Highschool worked being maid and paid rent all that. anyways the "bring to my grave" secret is that after mom sperad the ashes of my Dad I went to the garden and took some of my Dads ashes. oh I know that may have been a very bad thing but I was a kid and gees I just dont know :( :confused: :( but there is no undoing what I did so many years ago. anywyas I took the ashes some of them and kept them in a cermic vase thing i made in school . when I moved to florida I spread them here at the beach and on the rocks where we as a family came on vacations every summer. Dad always sat on the bench 27th ave beach ramp here. and night as family we would walk the beach from 27th ave to the rocks a.k.a. the jetty. I spread the last of his ashes there at the end opf the jetty.
It has brought me so much peace. i have been able to bring my babies and now they arev18 and 14 all the time to the beach and jetty and i have so much comfort. It is like my Dad in a way has gotten to watch my 2 girls grow and he is always there . I wrote a poem about this if i can find it I will come back and add it.
I feel like when the sea shells wash up he is there and my dad is there feeding off the thing we write in the sand and in every sand castle we have built.
I think I have tears strolling down my face right now and it is hard too see the key board .
I feel bad taking my a bit Dads ashes... but I did :( :confused:
and i have not told anyone except my kids and hub...and even then I only told them that my dad ashes were put in those places..I never told that I took some from the garden.
It is a take to your grave thing for me. May God and my Dad understand and forgive me. PLEASE KEEP MY SECRET :grouphug:
PEACE
BMW

P.S. Nikki I did not mean to highjack your thread..I just read it and this came out. I am sorry. Your post made me remember and want to confess or share or something I dunno...it is one of those days. Please understand and forgive me for my post above. Your Dad is letting you know he is right there.

How lovely BMW....your dad would much rather be at the beach, watching the kids than in the garden. :hug: Thanks for sharing that and we won't tell a soul. *grin

Addy, loved seing the pictures. :grouphug:

Alffe Mom thanks for saying that it means SOOOO much.
having my Dad here at the beach and what you think both mean tons. I am glad you dont think it was very horrible what I did. thanks for that. Ya know I am not very church smart and well for all know I could be red flaged by the higher power up in the sky. and my Dad
:hug:
PEACE
BMW

Nik-key
 

I use to catch butterflies when I was a teenager. I spent years catching them as a matter of fact.

It is very,very rare to have a butterfly crawl onto your hand,but it's happened for me before. That type of butterfly is called a tiger swallowtail. I love them. I love butterflies. The butterfly has long been a symbol of ressurrection.

When my mother died,cactus plants where blooming with flowers at my brother in laws house. These symbolic things are of great comfort. BF:hug::hug::hug:

In my mind yellow has always been for remembrance Nikki. When my FIL died I sent heaps and heaps of yellow roses. I hope he understood.

Goodness.......:hug:

I actually almost didn't write this thread. What a shame that would have been! I am sitting here with tears in my eyes, thank you all so much for sharing. :hug: It is so personal, but I just knew you guys would understand.:)

((Addy)) You got me to crying first, did you say Hi to Dad on his way to see me? ;) And yes, very cool! Thank you for sharing your story and the pictures:hug: It is indeed a wonderful thing :hug:

((Lara)) so beautiful:hug: I planted what we call Johnny jump ups, they are perinial miniature panisies at Dad's grave. Now I will think of them having faces:hug:

((Steve)) I'm not sure I am up to catching them, but I am researching plants to attract them :)

((Koala)) so good to see you my dear friend:hug: I am very sure he understood!

((BMW)) Angel friend of mine:hug: I can't see where you did anything wrong! You must know your Dear Dad is not upset with you for taking a small piece of him with you. As for God, I think, if He can shed tears, he did that day watching you:hug: I think it was a very beautiful thing you did.

I have some of Dad's ashes. I bought a set of little keepsake urns to put them in. I plan to put some in his favorite places, I know he would like that:hug:

Here I was worried some of you might think I was a nut:rolleyes: I just love you guys!:hug:

I wonder if one day you might put them in that special garden that you'd planned in his memory. Just a thought.

Thinking of you ....now and always. :hug:

I had 4 of the keepsake urns filled.

I have the dirt we dug up from where we buried him.... and I plan to scatter the ashes from one of them in the memorial garden I plan to make. My plans were delayed due to placing Lynn, but I think I am ready to start it. ((Koala)) How special it is to me that you remembered :hug:

I gave one to my step mom... Now there is a story! Dad retired after his brother died, he turned his energy to yard work. They have over 40 acres so the man was always busy! They have a swamp that my Dad just hated! He spent the better part of the last 10 years trying to fill in that swamp!
He cussed and cussed, and always said... when I die, just throw me in the damn swamp! So, we did. Some of his ashes are in that swamp, and I just know Heaven was filled with Dad's hearty laughter when we did.:hug:

The third one, I will hike up to our local mountain, Red Hill and scatter them there. Dad traveled all over the world in his 25 years of military service. He told me later in life how every time he came home on leave, he would stare at the mountain, how he felt he was home only when he saw it. After all those years of travel he never wanted to go anywhere. He always always said, can you see Red Hill from there? No? Then I ain't going! LOL. So yes, I will scatter some on Red Hill. Perhaps on Father's Day, or his birthday.....

The last one, is to be mixed with my ashes when God calls me Home. :hug:

I found the poem I was looking for :)

Naww I dont think my dad minds .... besides my 2 girls he has also been able to watch my sisters 3 girls and my sisters grands all 8 of them grow , growing (the grands are still little) at the beach here. I know he is happy with a bit of him here at the beach and rocks. besides me and Dad always had a secret shared between us...this is just another of our secrets
a very special dear one.
:Heart::Heart::Heart::Heart::Heart:

Chiefs alter (for Dad a.k.a. “chief”)

My chronicle returns to chiefs alter,

That is bolted to cement-covered starting line of foreshore.

Rambling and saunter the stretches of beach between spaced accesses,

Emerging onto the jetting bouldered destination,

A small tribe gathers to mug up noshing the stash.

Retracing as cool smooth sticky sand cradles my feet.

Climbing back threw warm white powder, that squeals beneath me.

The pack assembles to drench crystal ocean dust away.

Now ashes have been mixed in this dirt and sand.

Here songs are many, waves of far off times splash into my ears.

Brining you granddaughters you’ve yearned to know.

The ocean churns up sparkled seashells at their feet,

Breezes whisper soothing dreams into their souls.

A large tribe gathers to mug up.

Along pointy rocks that poke the oceans side.

((BMW)) Such a beautiful poem, thank you for sharing it with us:hug:


I would like to share a picture of the wall quilt a dear friend gave me for Christmas.
He designed it then had local artists create it. It is a combination of painting and quilting.
I cried when I opened it, it will always be one of my special treasures:hug:

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(((Nikki))) That's beautiful, thank you for sharing it!

Well, I've never had a butterly come to me and have so much meaning attached to it. I did have a baby bird sit on my head one day for the longest time in the garden. Does that count? :D

((hugs)) :hug:

I couldn’t remember what the signifigance of butterflies where to Mark and why they were stirring up memories. Last night I was going through the scrapbook my mom and I made of Mark’s life. I found one of the memorial things which we did at the funeral. I totally forgot out it until you mentioned butterflies.

My mom had these little cards made up with this poem on the front:

"A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam.
And for a brief moment its glory and beauty
belong to our world.
But then it flies on again,
and though we wish it could have stayed,
we feel so lucky to have seen it."

On the back it says:

"Today we celebrate life with the release of butterflies.
The animals you have been given will emerge from their envelopes
and alight on your hand for a moment before flying off.
Butterflies, a symbol of life, and freedom, were always special to Mark.

Open the envelope and allow the butterfly to emerge on its own. It might take a few moments for the beautiful creature to adjust to the light and temperature before it flies off.

These animals are natives, will thrive and insure the continuation of their species, keeping memory alive."


Mark’s memory is living on through butterflies and so is your dad Nikkey.

((BJ)) Thank you for sharing that beautiful poem with us:hug: Butterflies were never that special to either Dad or I. I always thought they were beautiful, but they held no significance to me.

I guess we really don't get to pick what sign's God and our loved ones send us.. what is vital is that we are open enough to receive the gift in any form it may come. :hug:

how beautiful...
 

Forgive me for dropping in unexpectedly like this... but i just have to comment on this...

That is a really beautiful poem, BJ. And also the whole enactment of the poem to make the participants at the ceremony... really participate, and in such a meaningful way.

I think of you every day and hope you are hanging in there during this difficult time.

:heartthrob: (((( BJ )))) :heartthrob:

~ waves ~

Dear Nikkey... the yellow butterfly connection
 

Dear Nikkey,

as this is your thread, i could not but read your story. and i found it immensely touching. i am sorry for your loss. i do think there must be something to butterflies. Perhaps your Dad pegged it with his quote... they do represent metamorphosis, from something that lives on earth, to something which flies light and free... like the spirit.

May i share with you very simply that a friend of mine lost her mom about a year ago... and soon afterwards a yellow butterfly (not white, red, blue, etc, but yellow, like yours) started visiting her regularly. and my friend too, felt it was her mom coming to comfort her through the butterfly.

So... is it kooky? i dunno. it seems like, something is happening here.

Take care Nikkey. I wish you strength as you struggle with your grief in memory of your dad's passing. :hug:

And I am glad your yellow butterfly found you, and you had those special moments of connection. :)

~ waves ~

Doody !!! :hug:

That is so beautiful !!!! :hug: Thanks for sharing !!!!

I love to hear those stories about those little (or big) messages life and God send.... :hug:

((waves)) My heart has been heavy all day... I came here and read your post and now I am smiling... thank you:hug:

Nik... I'm sure that butterly will continue to comfort you.

I'm delighted he visits you when your hear aches most... he's quite the sensitive butterfly, isn't he!

IF he ever sticks around in my yard long enough to allow it, I'm going to blow a kiss for him to capture and bring your way!

♫ Addy