Mom is off in rescue to hospital
 

This is the 2nd time this week, I had to call 911 due to her falling from drinking.
Tonight they came and checked her out, then I gave her something to eat, her meds, soda, got her on the commode and she fell off it hit her head on the bedstand, then I tried to get her up and she hit her head on the side of the bed, so I had to call back 911, she is in route to the hospital.

I am going to have to get her in someplace for depression/detox after tomorrow. This can't keep happening.

I knew the crew from my assault, they are real nice, asked if I was ok, and what I was going to do tonight, they said to get some rest. They know from my assault that I am BP and have a plate and screws in my neck and not strong enough to lift my mom.

So, here I am alone with my dogs, having a soda, just thinking, I am so tired of so much.

Sorry, had to vent. Love and Hugs, Nikko:Sinking:

{{{Nikko}}}

I hope things will turn for the better with your mom.

befuddled2

Sending you some hugs Nikko

Hoping tomorrow is brighter.

Donna

OHHHH NIKKO!

all I can say is that you are such a good daughter, can care taker to your mom.
You have been so patient with her...have put up with alot as well...
it will be so nice to see how your mom is after detox....
hugs to you dear
((((HUGS)))
bizi
hoping that you can really rest well tonight....

Dear Nikko
 

(((((((((( Nikko ))))))))))

sounds like you could use some Rainbow Roses about now... ;)

i think of you every day. i pray things will take a positive turn. hold on.

love and huggs and bestest wishes

~ waves ~

p.s. i will have ADSL in a few weeks.

here i go again. I am so happy you have your beloved animals. I don't think you are doing your mother a service by keeping her with you. She loves you dearly and you might be committing a sin by slowly killing yourself being her caretaker. She would be so much safer in a home...Her soul would be so much safer if you allowed yourself a life. You are martrying(sp) yourself and it isn't working. You need to work on your self esteem...You are finally free of your husband...you need to be free of your mother's demands and just be a source of love for her. You could benefit so much by playing more with your beloved companions and start having the time to make new friends and focus on your own needs. I went through such a depression when my alienated mother died and I felt the bottom of my world fall out...I no longer had somebody to take care of and it was so painful for me to grasp the reality that I had never taken care of myself nor had I ever had anybody take care of me. The latter was probably the most painful of the emotions and the one I had been dodging all my life. Shortly there after I found a sick starling and rescued him. I called him Little Jude. He brought so much joy into my life.
He died to the year my mother died. It was so weird. Then I finally began to start trying to take care of myself. It started out being the loneliest process of my life.
Bobby

Nikko
 

Nikko-

I don't know what to say, except I think detox/facility for rehab for drinking is the best place. Most are a 30 day stay for rehab. She is going to have to become willing to stop drinking because she is falling down, etc..some people never want to quit. And it is so hard. I hope you can get her for help, and I hope she wants to stop?? Either way, I hope you can get through this, hugs, nuttybutty

:Sigh: I just called the hospital, they kept her in the ER and are running some more tests. She is sleeping. They are going to call me back, I assume as to what is going to happen now.

Probably a social worker or a p-doc will call me, I don't know.

I doubt she will agree to go to a detox place, maybe a place for depression though. After that I don't know about a nursing facility, she doesn't like those places after she was in a Assisted Living place for a short time after her almost year in the hospital for the stroke, seizures, heart attack and depression, etc, and I found out they were giving her someone else's thyroid med.

So, I think it is going to be one of those days!!!! I am going to wait to hear from the hospital, because I am not running over there to sit and wait, and God only knows if my mom is ****** off at me for calling 911.

She is killing herself slowly with alcohol and doesn't seem to care, I think she has just given up.

Anyway, I wish I could just go back to sleep, this is all just pulling me right back down.

Hugs, Nikko

Hi, Nikko ..
 

Hi, Nikko ... I apologize for not knowing you, but I just started reading some of your posts this week. It was just in this thread that I discovered you are female! :o

But I see that you must not be a member of Al-Anon and so want to urge you to look for the meetings closest to you and attend. There you will find the best support and advice for dealing with an alcholic family member - as well as learn how the children of alcoholics all have so many of the same problems in common. This is, surprisingly, a positive thing - to discover a group who can so relate to you and your struggles.

Of course she won't (voluntarily) go to ANY place where people won't be providing her booze whenever she demands it. If she can't get on and off the toilet chair without falling, how does she get out to the liquor store buy the booze where she lives now? Who carries the bottles into the bedroom for her? Is it her husband? As long as she is enabled at home, she will stay at home.

Of course she's ****** off -- there's no booze in the ER. Unfortunately, alcohol almost never kills as quickly as one would think. She may still be around for 10 years. Longer? Who knows. But will you still be there, cleaning her up and helping her back to bed?

Well, at least thryroid wouldn't hurt her in the tiny doses perscribed. So, you REMOVED her from assisted living for that nursing error? Is there anyway you can get her back in? At home, being allowed to be drunk, she needs more than assisted living - she seems nursing home material. But dried out, she may still qualify for assisted living.

At least you know you would know that it is a good idea to review her med chart periodically. Actually, the nursing supervisor, knowing that her chart will be reviewed, is going to get down on her nurses to not mess up with any patients.

Very understandable. The only way this will ever change is if YOU change. Change what you expect of life and for yourself ... and stop enabling your mother and family.

Your mother would NOT EVER BENEFIT from detox as long a she can demand booze when she gets back home. Detox does NOT get rid of addictions. Ever. It doesn't work like that. It merely gets MOTIVATED people sober enough to attend AA meetings and group sessions while they are inpatient. It gives them a chance to THINK about being sober.

The only way you can treat her alcoholism is to get her out of the house and back into a facility. But what would your life be like then? Sometimes it is the changes it would mean to our own lives that keep us from changing our circumstances.

I hope very much that you get the phone book out and look for AlAnon (or Al-Anon) in the black and white pages. If you can't find them, look for AA (or Alcoholics Anonymous) - the meetings are often at the same place, just different times and/or meeting rooms. You will get a world of help. After decades, they are still the first recommendations of Ann Landers and Dear Abby. There is no cost to join or attend meetings, even if they pass around "a collection plate" - they know many will not put in more than coins or a few dollars .. and that some have no disposable income.

apologizing for the tough love...
Teri

Hi,
I understand completely what you are saying about tough love. I grew up with an alcholic father who died at 48 from it.
I think I have been every route with him then.
I am an only child, so it makes it difficult. I can change the circumstances as to where she lives if she agree's, but I cannot change her. I learned that a long time ago.
I only have medical power of attorney if she is unable to speak for herself.
I am going to try everything in my power.
There is alcohol in the house, and if I don't get it, she will try to drive and get it herself, which she can't do. Then I have to live in hell for not getting it for her. It's not an easy road that I am on. I feel like I am reliving the past. I already suffer from PSTD from my assault and now this reminds me of my father.
I have been to Al-Anon and AA meetings with her in the past. She is 73 and is set in her ways. Getting her around and outdoors is a major ordeal with her walker and all.
I guess today will tell. I still haven't heard back from the hospital.

Thanks for the advice and understanding.

Hugs, Nikko

Hugs to you dear Nikko
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi:Girl(angel-flying):
:You-Rock:
:hit-safe:
:Sinking:

((((((N)))))),

I *HATE* that you're having to go through this again -- especially at this time of year.

My husband was one of 10 kids. He had 3 alkie brothers that were always running to him for help. I understand. One of the brothers lost his wife to cancer and lost custody of his kids at Christmas-time (through no fault of his) so our Christmases were always 'interesting'.

Terri's right. But, you know that already.

I just want you to KNOW and to ALWAYS REMEMBER that you are a wonderful woman. The Mother-spirit and the animal-spirit that have been in your care have had better lives because of you. Your friends (both cyber-life and real-life) have better lives because of you.

Keep yourself at the top of the list,sugar. And do what you need to do. *YOU* are loved and you are supported through all of this.

BIG HUGS (and love).

Barb http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MIN...2flo_1_prv.gif

I went to some of those meetings and they were very good. You can hide the car keys. If you don't take care of her, she will be forced to go to a home. You are between a rock and a hard place. If she injures herself while living with you just think of that guilt. If she is in a supervised home with a lot of staff that probably wouldn't happen. She would probably be safer in a home.
Bobby

Adult Children of Alcoholics
 

hi Nikko,
Here is more info that might help you.
You don't have to go to group meetings. You can find a one on one counselor who works in this area.
Mari


http://www.adultchildren.org/

Adult Children of Alcoholics part 2
 

Hi,
My father is an alcoholic.
I think that my role was the placater -- I took on too much responsibility and still do. Or maybe the hero too. In these families we are not allowed to grow into the role that was meant for us. We take on a role determined by the family's dysfunction. :frown:
Mari


http://www.couns.uiuc.edu/brochures/adult.htm

thanks Mari
 

the part of trusting I just sent to my best friend to explain my irrationality...i was waiting to see dr moussavian to discuss an issue which involved trusting her to possibly help me down the road...and low and behold..
I was the placater I guess, the hero but because of bipolar failed as an adult and of course the scapegoat in my teens and beyond...but my main role was the placater even though that spelling doesn't look correct.
a million tears want to come out but I still can't shed one.
Fondly
Bobby

Nikko,
I am saying a prayer for you that things work out the best. That they find out if there is something else going on with Mom. IF it means her going to a nursing care facility then that may be best for her. Until she is delt with medically, can even think of dealing with the emtional situation.

You do need time for you.
BUT, be alert that they are not giving you a run around over her care. In our county they have a guardianship program and they are tough if they take over her guardianship.

Suzan, a friend was told about her brother 's medical needs and then they took over guardianship for all care, not only medical but for where her brother woould live.

I do think you could use these hours or a few days with her in the hospital for yourself though,
Di

concerned
 

Dear Nikko,
Check in and let us know how you are doing.http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/sad0078.gif
Please.

Hi, Nikko ....

Yes, you have a lot of difficulties -- but no matter how complicated a situations seems, there ARE some solutions available.

First - her driving herself to the liquor store.

Do both of you use the same vehicle? If she has her own vehicle, then whose home can you "hide" it at? Some relative who will let you stash it in their garage, let you park it at the curb? You say you are worried about her reporting it stolen? No worry - just let the cops know the truth.

Think about this.... What if she kills someone or causes grievous bodily harm -- or lots of property damage (the woman I knew drove into a beauty shop and didn't stop til she was near the wash basins. She would have killed a beautician and client, except that the beautician had a sick child and was gone that day). What would happen? Law suits. Quite likely for more than what is on her car insurance liability. And where would they get that money? From the sale of her home and anything else she owns - whether now or when she dies, depending on what the laws say in your state.

Someone mentioned about Guardianship where they lived. Did you know that you could apply to a court to name YOU her guardian? IF her doctor's think that she is incompetent to manage her own affairs and make vital decisions for herself, then a judge would grant you the decision-making for her. This would enable you to sign her into detox and then arrange for placement when she comes out. It could enable you to make decisions to ensure a good quality of life for her for the rest of her life.

Does she use checks or credit cards to pay for liquor? This would give a record of how much she consumes and how quickly. And you can get a record of all the 911 calls, the crews responding, history of her repeated falls, her trips to the ER. It would all go into helping you getting guardianship --- but I was also wondering if where you live is a place where there is involuntary alcoholic commitment. It's not for two long - like 2 weeks maybe. But there MAY be a chance. You could make some phone calls and find out.

BUT, if it is more important to your psychological state of mind for her to not be angry at you :mf_swordfight: (and there is no one else who could be named her guardian), then you must move out and let someone else (even her) make all the decisions about going for liquor and how much she drinks. It could be that if you don't live there, that it might be what it takes for her to cut back.... knowing she can't let herself go so badly -- knowing that she has to drink less and keep a handle on things.

What were things like before you moved in? Who lived with her? How did things get done? Why exactly did you move in? Because you needed a stable place to land after a bad time? Or because she asked you to? Or because someone else in the family made you feel you had to?

I know what it is like to be in the spot that you are ---- you are so wound up in handling one crisis after another, while trying to heal yourself .... And it makes it SO difficult to think of viable options out of the trap -- never mind act on any plans you make. So put all this stuff down in black and white, on paper. Who can you go talk to about your options? Her lawyer? Her minister/priest, rabbi? Someone in the family who takes a role of being "head of the family"? Your counselor or even your psychiatrist?

You need a sounding board ... so you can stop banging your head against a wall. :Bang-Head:

In the meantime, gets lot of sleep :Zzzz:, eat healthy :Starvin:, and feel how much you are cared about and loved! :You-Rock:

I wish it were in my power to say, Nikko, I can promise you that by Valentine's Day :Heart:, this problem will have found a solution and you will be able to begin to live YOUR life. I don't have that power, but as a gift this holiday season, I wish you all the empowerment you need.... :winner_first_h4h:

Teri

Thank you all so much........As far as yesterday, I spoke with a social worker at the hospital. They let her go with some literture about alcohol

She did NOT want to go to detox/depression or any other place. I only have medical power of attorney if she cannot communicate.

They told me NOT to get the alcohol for her, take the keys (which I have anyway) and when and if she flips out for not having any booze in the house to call 911 and they will bring her right back to the hospital or someplace. My car had to be repo'd after the situation with my husband, due to finances, and my mom gave me her car, we just have to get it in my name. She will talk she is going to drive, but she won't and I would never ever let her.

I picked her up, she did tell them she wouldn't drink anymore, I do believe that will happen for awhile. We came home, as she was walking to the house with her walker, she pee peed her pants. I got her in cleaned up and changed into a nighty, gave her meds, soda, newspaper and cigaretts.
She was very nice, and so was I, no sense in telling her off or anything, she doesn't remember much. I don't want to be mean, this is a disease, as I saw how it progressed to an awful death with my dad at 48yrs old, my age now.

She slept for awhile, then I made her a chicken pot pie for supper and gave her - her night meds. I think she slept well, cause the alcohol was making her not sleep like normal

I have to follow up with her PCP, he needs to change her anti-depressant drug, the Prozac isn't working, she has been on that far too long. Plus the Xanax needs to be changed, she takes them, after I have given her the instructed dosage. I hid the vodka in the house up high where she will never find it and if she did would not be able to get to it, and I will move the meds to a place she does not have access to or will find. I didn't even know she was putting alcohol in her soda, so I wouldn't know. Before that it was juices, and I knew. Well I eventually know because of her behavior.

As far as family, I have no brothers or sisters and my mom is a widow.
There is no other family here where we live. Our lease at this rental house is up in April, so if things aren't better by then, I will make arrangements for her to be cared for and get myself a small apt.

I won't be an enabler, nor will I be manipulated anymore by anyone. I have no life as it is. I don't see my p-doc until Jan 22nd, but I do have my DV counselling again next Friday. I did speak to my case mgr at my p-docs place yesterday.

So, once again I will be the bad person in this situation, but so be it. She knows that 911 will come again if she acts up. I said to the social worker, why would they come if she was just yelling, she said they have been there many times and will come. I do not need to be screamed at and called every name in the book, it isn't fair.

I was exhausted last night, then woke up with a real bad stiff neck, but it's better now, I took a pain med, I think it was from the window being open above my head and it got chilly last night, the temps drop here at night during the winter, even though yesterday was in the 70's.

I will be starting my PT for my c-spine and lumbar part of my spine soon.
I hope to also get her into PT for her arthrtis, and maybe an anti-inflammatory for her pain.

Not sure what I will do today or tonight, I hate to leave her, but when she is sober she is fine.

Thanks for all your support and listening. I love you all, hugs to all too.

Nikko:o

Dear Nikko,
I think you are doing the best that you can do.
This is a time to use "tough love".
She is like a child now and you are the parent so to speak...unfortunately she will just become more dependant on others for help...as you know that is you unless her living arrangements change.
What you have written sounds like a very good plan.
I wish for you relief from your spine pain and am hoping that the physical therapy helps provide that!

((((HUGS))))
bizi:I-Agree:

p,s.
Assault is the verbal and battery is the physical...

just a suggestion: don't hide the booze; pour it out.

((((((Nikko)))))),

'ficial Saturday Afternoon Supportive Hug -->> http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_2_104.gif

Stay strong, sugar. BIG HUGS (and love).


Barb http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MINIS/friends2.gif

I am staying about as strong as I can.:Head-Spin:

I just took my GS dog to Walgreens, he goes in with me, they all know him.

Then we went to Petsmart to have his picture taken with Santa.
I wanted to take my female half GS/half Greyhound, but she is so nervous around other dogs, maybe she would be okay if I took her with my male, but not sure.

I will try tomorrow to have her picture done.:Scratch-Head:

Hi Nikko,
Will show us the Santa picture?
I hope you are holding on.
mari

Yeah, ((((((Mari)))))).

I want to see doggy pictures with Santa too.

I usually take pictures of my cats with the Halloween pumpkin. Never even thought about "with Santa". That sounds adorable.

I *LOVE* animals. I think they're angels in disguise :)

Hugs for the room.

Barb

Nikko,

You cetaintly have had it rough for the longest time. I hope you can get some relief.

berfuddled2

Hi!
 

Hi Nikko, I am a new kid on the block. Not that new.. half a century old, actually. ;)

You are doing a great job for your mom. Sorry to hear that she had a relapse.

If I might suggest something, as a person who's been there. Support you are giving is very important but think of ways to balance it with responsibility that your mom needs to take. Something of a wake up call --with a lots of support and motivation. It worked for me. Let's hope it will work for your mom.

In my case, when I "woke up" I found that I am biopolar. Alcoholism was part of the sickness. The good news is that I know who I am and hopefuly what to do.

Wishing you the best. :)

Newmsutton

Hi and lots of Thanks,,,,,,I don't have my printer set up to put a picture on the computer, plus I am in the picture and I am already incognito here for my the assault on me by my husband.

I guess I can try to get my printer working, and then send it to anyone that wants to see via email.

Welcome Newsmutton:welcome_sign: I am doing my best, so far so good.
I have to call her PCP tomorrow, about a new anti-depressant and a follow up and hopefully some PT for her extreme arthritis. I start my PT on Thursday for my spinal cord problems.

I often wonder if my mom is BP II like me and doesn't know it. Yet she doesn't show any real signs. She show's more of depression.

Today I am going to color her hair, and get her in the shower, she will feel better, tomorrow maybe she will want to get out and get a hair cut.

I am not new to alcohlics, my dad was one and died at 48. In 1982, I still see it all in my mind. I am already dealing with PTSD and this is just adding to it.

Slept in today, stayed up past my normal bed time, plus woke up with a headache, I think that is stress. I was going to go out last night, but just didn't have the energy, in fact I want to go out today, but I doubt I will, I don't know why.

Hugs, Nikko:confused: