Well, beat the drum and hold the phone....
 

The sun came out today!
We’re born again, there’s new grass on the field.
A-roundin’ third, and headed for home, it’s a brown-eyed gorgeous chick;
Anyone can understand the way I feel.

Oh, put me in, coach - I’m ready to play today;
Put me in, coach - I’m ready to play today;
Look at me, I can be centerfield.


After nearly one year, I think I am back!!!! Back from the exacerbation from hell which caused not only illness and pain but weight gain and a cane. Back from a depression so severe that I had my exit all planned. Back to remembering what used to make me happy and who I loved.

It's been nothing short of he11, but this is the first opportunity where I think there might be a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. And it comes during the week that my husband lost his job (Chrysler bankruptcy). Go figure.

I have a long way to go but ths is the first time that I have felt it is possible. I'll take it.

Thanks to all who left IMs, sent cards, emails, etc and never received a response back. I'm sorry, I was incapable. Honest. Thanks to those who kept sending them anyway assuming that one day they would be read and answered. And thanks to all who noticed I was even gone. You will not ever be forgotten. I promise you that.

On top of everything else, my father's death sent me spiraling even faster downward. I don't think I shall ever get over this. I loved him so much, it hurt. But I am trying and I have gotten this far, so.....

Anyway, I'm ready to play.....today....I can be centerfield. :D

:yahoo: I for one am so very pleased to see you back! You even sound like the old Carolina.......and for that I'm extremely thankful.

I'm sorry to read about your dad, and the loss of your hubby's job, but................welcome back dear Carolina. :hug:

:Dancing-Chilli: :Dancing-Chilli: :Dancing-Chilli: She's baaaaaack!!! It's SO good to see you posting again. Believe it or not, I was just thinking of you the other day!

I'm so sorry for all the challenges you've had but it does sound like you're rounding the corner and coming down the home stretch.

If it makes you feel any better.......I've gained weight with this darned disease, too. The meds, less exercise, more food....you name it. But it's decided my mid-section is it's new home. :rolleyes: Oh well, just more of me to love, I guess!! :p

I'm so happy to see you again, Carolina. :hug:

Welcome back! There's always a spot of the field for you!

Again, welcome back!!!:grouphug:

Niko:cool:

~Welcome Back Carolina!!


http://home.earthlink.net/~sal.pal/s...res/parade.gif

Welcome back! :Wave-Hello: I thought you had found something better to do. Attacks just bite and that's all there is to it.:mad:

Carolina, glad to see you back! :hug:



:Wave-Hello:

Thanks so much to everyone who has been so kind.

If I may so bold to ask -- I know some of you have recently lost loved ones, particularly parents. How did you cope with it? Especially if you don't quite have the faith that everyone else leans on? I'm not so sure I believe in something "bigger" than us.

I have sought counseling but even she agrees that without having faith, it is extremely difficult.

Please do not give me any lectures on faith - it is exactly that reason as to why I frown on organized religion.

I just need to know how to soften the blow and get through a day without crying.

Thanks in advance for any suggestions.

:hug: It's hard......and there are days when I still cry over the loss of my loved ones. I'm not sure the day will ever come where I don't cry. I lost both my parents in 2005. Your loss is much more recent than mine. Give yourself some time. Each of us grieves in our own personal way. I don't know when I realized that I wasn't crying quite as much but it did happen. I know it seems like that day will never come when you're the one going through the pain of it all, though.

I know it's rough. It's probably one of the hardest things to go through. Enjoy your "good days" and don't feel guilty when you find a reason to smile or laugh. :hug:

I have the faith you are talking about, but I am still struggling. I believe they are at peace in a better place, but it doesn't stop me from missing them and wanting them here with me.

I lost my mom in 2006 and I had my Grandma living with me for the last year and she just passed away in May. I am lost and adrift. I am not getting as much peace from my faith as I would have hoped.

I actually cried more when my mom died, but seemed to bounce back a little better. I don't know why it is different this time. Maybe because we did hospice in my house with Grandma. Maybe because I was responsible for her. I don't know. Honestly, I just want to go back to a time before when it didn't feel this way.

It all just seems so unreal. I don't know what would even make me happy anymore. I swear I could hit the Powerball and not crack a smile most days. I finally went to the doc and got on an AD. Next step is going back to my psychologist. I might also talk to the bereavement people from the hospice organization.

I don't know if I have helped you at all or just made it worse. I do think Kitty is right that it does take time and we all work through it differently.

I believe that, in time, you will get through it. You will always miss him, but the raw pain does fade. I know that from losing my mom three years ago. I still cry occassionally, but not like that first year.

Me, too. I think we can all relate to this feeling. I don't know why I handle it better some days than others. Could be hormones......the moon.......the planets lining up just right......I honestly don't know but I take the good days however I can get them. It took me a while not to feel guilty for having a good day. Or finding something to smile about.

It will ease up. The pain will not be as sharp and intense. It's replaced with a sort of sad acceptance of reality.

After my Dad passed away I took advantage of the grief counseling group that the Hospice provided. A group of us met twice a month and it was helpful for a while. I had already experienced the death of my DH four years before so I had a little bit of "experience" with what to expect and how I dealt with it. If the Hospice in your area offers something like this and you think it would help I'd recommend trying it. If you don't like it you don't have to continue going.

I hope today is a better day for you. :hug:

To me, this is one of the hardest things. I don't think I deserve to be happy when my father is dead. It almost seems sacrilegious.

This is how I felt - lost and adrift. That is just a perfect way of putting it. I am just now feeling like I "hit shore".

I, too, had my AD increased along with something for anxiety. Plus, the funeral home offered free bereavement counseling so after five months, I called them up. I really do like the therapist and she has helped. I am hoping that she can bring me "home".


Thanks to all of you who have offered guidance and tried to help with your responses. If my mom or husband passes before me, please just bring the straight jacket and take me to the nearest mental facility. I am not even trying.