We got the pool pass!
 

And have used it twice, going again tomorrow too. I am feeling stronger and much less depressed, I write that off as being due to the sunshine and exercise I'm getting from our pool outings. Jackie loves it but he's been acting up when we get home, it's like he just has so much energy and gets so bored, thank heavens summer school starts on Monday! :D

I am not using the CPAP religiously like I need to and it's bothering me that I'm not, but it's the mask, it makes me sweat and with the perimenapause going on (not for sure it is yet, got to go in for a ultrasound on my uterus to see if I have fibroids) I really don't want to sleep with it on. Other then that things are going well.

I know it's been a little while since I posted, but I just don't have motivation to do much. I am still bothered by my inability to write, I hope that when he's in summer school I can get into the old work in progress, or start something new. Jack is having sugery in the middle of the month and I am planning on getting my tubes tied once things work out so that I can make that happen.

The ultrasound is the next step to that, then I need to go back to the health dept. and get the results, see the video on the procedure and then they make you wait a month to make sure you really WANT it done. So hopefully it will work out well, with all the meds I take I really can't imagine having another baby at 40. So I need to do this now, to protect myself and Jackie from the pain that would bring our family.

Sure I would love it and do everything for it, but I just can't go through childbirth again or pregnancy, I would most likely end up diabetic, I skirted it last time around, and I really do not want to temp fate. This is a big thing for me since I put off getting the pap for over a year. I was going to get an IUD but they have side effects and I don't want heavier periods. So hopefully this tube tying will take away the anxiety I feel over the potential of pregnancy. :)

Dear Pam,

This sounds like lots of medical stuff to keep up with. :confused:
Sorry.

The pool pass sounds great. I love water.

Do you have new news for us on Jackie and the trike?

M.

He still hasn't ridden it yet, maybe today, we've been going to the pool and he's lost over FIVE pounds! It's been awesome! :D

We're going out with mom today and I doubt we'll have time to do the bike today. He sits on it here in the livingroom and balances just fine so we're confident he'll be able to ride it, but this makes a whole week we've had it and we haven't gotten him out on it. :p

Dear pammy, I can relate to the fear of getting pregnant.

good for you about the pool pass! and great that he has lost weight!!!!!
have a great fourth of july weekend.
beth

Thanks Beth! I am really excited he lost five pounds because he's at a crucial stage in development right now. It's just been so hot we haven't wanted to get him on the bike yet. He's been great about it too. It has to be driving him nuts too. I got a new bolt and nut for the fender so we can put it on now, hopefully that will get put on today and he may be even able to take it for a spin. I hope so, he's been great about it. :)

We are definitely going to the pool today though and I am glad we got the passes, (we each have a card they scan and they even laminated them for us) and I am looking forward to the fun we'll have swimming together later. We went to Walmart yesterday and I got my hair cut so now the entire head, except for my bangs are one length again. Well I say again, but truth be told I have always had bangs except when I was a kid. One more hair cut in December probably, and the bangs will all be caught up. :)

I go in not next week but the week after that to get my ultrasound done. Did a pregnancy test this morning and it's negative, Jack thinks I'll be fine not having the surgery but I have heard of too many women having a 'change of life baby' to want to add myself to the list. I really don't know how long menapause will last for me either so to be safe I need to get this done. :)

So that's where I'm at today, hopefully things will go well Monday for Jackie in summer school, we went for a speech evaluation and they recommended speech sessions twice a week. So tomorrow is his first session. The evaluation was cool, I like his therapist, she's really on the ball. :D

I am happy for you pammy, you sound great!
((((HUGS))))
beth

I feel much better, I think summer school starting today will be awesome for me, I just have had a hard, hard time this summer, and it's not over yet, we'll still have almost three weeks to get through after July is over and we've got three day weekends to get through all through July. I don't know, I guess I am just tired of having people in the house and today the behavior analyst comes back and we're going to talk about fading the services. I don't want to talk to her, but I know we have to. I feel like we really don't even need her anymore since she wasn't here at all through the month of June when we needed her the most you know? Just not fair.

Getting ready to see my T-doc in three hours, hoping it will help. I just have such trouble with life right now, it's been awful. From anxiety over the tricycle (the whole trip going to walmart to get it and the trip home with it in the trunk, then anxiety which proved founded because we DID end up losing a screw during its assembly) to anxiety over Jackie breaking stuff. Or hurting me. It's been awful. I wish the P-doc would let me stay on lorazepam. I have great doubt that they Buspar will work for me. :( Oh well, even if I don't like what she has to say I kinda am stuck with it because there are no other P-docs taking new patients in the area right now that take medicare and medicaid. :(

Dear Pam,
I wish that you could feel easier about getting the med that you need.

After today's discussion with the behav analyst, you will feel better -- one more thing checked off and done.

I hope that your tdoc visit goes well.
M.

Well the behavior analyst just left and I am sitting here crying because of anxiety. I felt it coming on when she was here and because Jack couldn't be out here with me I let her walk all over us. I am so upset. They are going to end services in the last week of July. I really don't like this one bit. I hate myself right now. I can't stop crying! What a stinkin' weakling I am to let her walk over us like this. I don't know what to do but just to sit here and take it. Jack is having surgery and we're losing behavior services. :(

Pam

I would look into respite instead of behaviour services now that you are losing
this. I would also file a formal complaint against this group and what they have done I think. I believe the fact that they didn't come at all in June and
are ending it at the end of July can be a violation. You should have services
till at least he goes back to school.

Donna:grouphug::grouphug:

Maybe we can, I will have to talk to the coordinator and we have set up for seven days of respite in July, we'll see about august I think we want in home support aides coming out too, which our budget will allow I am just so upset and angry about this situation. I will see what the support coordinator says about them fading things this quickly. I was looking at a two month fade to get Jackie through summer, but it just feels like they only care about money. :(

I am sorry this is so hard pammy,
I really feel for you.
It is so difficult keeping it together and it is awful that she walked all over you.
no wonder you feel upset.
I would too.
(((((HUGS)))))
beth

Thanks Beth, I feel better now, but still very upset with how I couldn't stand up to her better. I feel like the rug is being pulled out from under our feet. I wish things would be like they were before and keep on going, we were stable and doing well until that boss lady got involved. *sigh*

Dear Pam,
That sounds awful.
Ugh. So sorry that you had such a bad meeting with that person.
M.

Thanks Mari, it was pretty awful. I just can't understand why they feel they have to abandon us like this just because we're not comfortable having them here at dinner time. He even bite me while she was here but she didn't even notice, I was so disappointed by it. The aide was sick yesterday and so she called in, I just don't know what the heck we're going to do but just pick up the pieces, Jackie will miss these two women a LOT and I know I am going to cry when they leave, because of how I cried yesterday. It feels like we're losing friends. But I know they weren't, it just upsets me to think that they are just going to up and leave us hanging like this. But honestly I can't see that they've helped Jackie all that much you know? Sure he's a little better but I don't see it lasting when they are done. :(

Pam

Did you call the agency after she called in sick yesterday, and make a complaint this time. And also note that you want a time in August to replace this call in. I would also call the state on this. I would start keeping a calendar of everytime she calls in sick. Call the agency ask if someone else can come? If not, then request or require a time in august. And call or email the state.

This is how it should be handled.

You should have a worker at the state agency.

Donna

There's not anyone who can come in her place, the behavior analyst came because she was scheduled to and she's the one who I met with yesterday and she KNEW the aide was sick. But made no effort to DO anything about it. I just feel like we're being taken advantage of and I do NOT want to call that company and talk to the boss lady who was over here in my face about how I collected data and whatnot. :(

I wish I was more assertive, but I'm not able to be Donna, I just can't DO any kind of confrontation well at all. I am gonna call the coordinator and ask about another company. But other then that I don't see anything being done.

Now to top off the crappy day weatherwise I have a horrifically broken tooth, the enamel just FELL OFF. I am so upset! Getting old stinks, soon I won't have anything left to chew with. I just HATE this! :(

I am sorry about your tooth , you did not need this right now at all.:(
(((((HUGS))))
beth

I know, I am so upset! It's just awful! I know I am going to cut my tongue up on it too because it's wicked sharp. I just got over one extraction, hasn't een been a full two months and then this happened. When it rains it just pours. :(

:hug: Thanks for the hugs Beth. :hug:

Dear Pam,
Sending hugs.
And hoping that you get some good news and good fortune soon.
M.

Sorry about the tooth Pam.

And sorry if I came across to strong. Hoping you can locate a new company.

Donna:grouphug:

Thank you both for the hugs, I really am just sick over losing another tooth. I really didn't need this right now. But that seems to be when things like this happen you know?

It's okay Donna, you inspire me to try to be more assertive, I am working on assertiveness training with my tdoc and so I am trying harder to become aware of my reactions to people. Thank you for your honesty. :hug:

I will post again when I know when the appt for the extraction will be. Wish me luck on that. :)

*Sigh* Sept. 1st. I am going to be in agony by that time. It's so unfair I can't get in sooner. I am so upset. :(

Dear Pam, :hug: :hug: :hug:
I hope that Sept 1 comes quickly for you.
Mari

Pam I'm sorry its going to me so long.

And I'm glad that I didn't upset you. I forget sometimes that when someone
has stress and anxiety issues. Its really hard to be assertive too.

Donna

THanks Mari, Thanks Donna, it's so hard to wait, I just hate that I lost this tooth, Bryanna from the dental forum mentioned that I might have a dead nerve since it's not hurting and I have to agree it's got to be dead to be THIS EXPOSED and NOT hurting. That means I could be festering a real bad infection, I hope not, it doesn't hurt yet but it could be coming if I don't do salt rinses and stuff. I just hate that I am gonna end up with dentures, part of me wants to just GET It over with you know? ANd just GET the darn things made already so I can resume eating normally. THis trying to eat around gaping holes stinks. *sigh*

Pam

I do have to make one comment. I hate the fact that you have to
wait till September. But I also see a hidden fact in that its not hurting.

My daughter-in-law like Sabrina, went to a new dentist just last month.
And he xrayed her mouth because of it being a new one for her.
And she has been having problems, with this one tooth for over a year.

It turned out the old dentist had left the root in after taking the tooth
out. She has been in pain all this time. And had been calling trying
to get answers. And the guy was not trying to help. Pretty much told
her it was in her head.

Now she has to have surgery to get this taken care of.

Suffice to say she wont ever see that guy again. Nor will her kids, thats
the bad thing. Because of medicaid she was having to take the kids too.

Donna

It's a good thing that nerve is dead IMO, I really could be suffering excruciating pain otherwise. Nerves can really hurt like no other pain. I am glad to report that we went to the pool yesterday, today and are going again tomorrow too! It's awesome! Jackie has probably lost more weight, we'll see we'll weigh him again soon and I'll let you all know. :D