I need lots of hugs
 

I saw Bobby today in the hangout where we met. He gave me the cold shoulder. Yea, he talked to me but he didn't return my hugs. The friend of mine who is after him was next door at the tire place and when somone mentioned her being there Bobby got on his phone and called someone. I assume it was her. I later went to the local bar where I saw a mutual freind of all the others from the hangout I met Bobby in and told him I was hurt. I told him a friend of mine had stabbed me in the back and that he knew her but I wouldn't call out her name. The guy named her name though and I aske him how he knew and he said he put two and two together.

I cry my eyeballs out. I will not go into the hangout anymore while Bobby is in there and don't plan on talking to any of them.

I am also drinking since I was accused of being a drunked alcoholic by my next door neighbor I might as well live up to it.

I hurt bad tonight.

Can I be dumb and ask a question about modern dating?

In the old days the gals mostly waited until the guy asked for a date or at least talked about doing something together , as in one on one..
Girls would act interested but still rarely made any first moves...

Is that not how it happens anymore?

does anyone do those kind of dates anymore?
- like go out to a movie, dinner, stuff like that?


I'm sorry it didn't work out with him, but better to find out early on before getting too involved.

Dear Barbara,
I don't understand this either.
I am sorry that you are hurt.:(
please be careful and don't hurt yourself.
((((HUGS)))))
beth

I haven't been on a date in over 15 years so please forgive me if this comes across as harsh... for that is not my intention.

I have read all of the post's regarding Bobby.... I was wondering if maybe you were possibly coming on a bit strong and maybe that freaked Bobby out a bit.... Maybe he likes you as a friend and nothing more....

Also... Maybe you were seeing or hoping to see things that really weren't there...

Please don't give up on going to the locations you like to go... whether Bobby is there or not... don't give him or this other person the satisfaction of seeing you upset... or the satisfaction of running you off.

I am sorry you are hurting...
:hug:
Abbie

:hug:Barbara,
You only have broken dreams as you did not give Bobby your heart to break it. You were a good friend to him, dearer then others as he shared a lot with you. But you never fellin love with each other for him to break it, only the dreams and hopes were shattered.
Your heart is really intact......He knew you liked him, but chose to be distanced this weekend.

Misreading signals, or feeling upset that you did not get back what your gave as a friend hurts. Like one of your friends said, is it worth losing a girlfriend, or other friends over a guy that you hardly know.

He was letting you know he felt very comfortable with you, but he is very, very ill, has a complicated life and HECK he was not all that good looking or the age you really wanted in a potential mate the first time you met him.

THey more you saw him, the more he flirted and you enjoyed that, but he knew that is what women like. The better looking and diserable he became.
He liked you, but he is living a life that actually you are too good to fit into. Even if he is ill, he makes poor choices.

The more you see of his personality, the things you liked are the very things that he plays on. You have not dated in years, I have not dated in years, but we look for companionship whether from a spouse or a new man. There is a better way to meet the dream man.

Give yourself credit that you are in morning for a potential relationship that there were high hopes in, with a virtual stranger. He is not trying to hurt you, but he is lacking in the very personality and moral ethics you truely value and the broken heart is learning his flaws.

Give it time and space....things will work out. But I think your hurt is really this is not that man you thought he was.
Di

THis is so sweet what you wrote di, thank you
You are very kind and wise
beth

I feel like such a fool. :(


Barbara

Dear Barbara, :hug: :hug: :hug:
Be gentle with yourself.
Treat yourself right.

This happened. You can put it behind you eventually.
For right now, focus on loving yourself and on the good in you.

M.

You're not a fool, it's how we all learn about life & love.
It's finding the middle ground that is the tricky part - somewhere between putting yourself out there too soon and being afraid to try.

I'm so drunk I can't see straight. I wll be better when I get some sleep and sober up.

barbara

:hug:Barbara,
Don't feel like you are a fool. For one thing, no one knew your heart. No one knew how much you cared for a relationship. No one knows how you are hurt now and they do not need to know.

i would not make a mention of it to them at all and they will not take notice. So some signals got crossed but I do not think that Bobby was intentionally trying to make you feel bad, stop feeling so bad about it,

For one thing, some of his life style choices are now showing his leopard spots,

THey only way they will know how hurt you are is if you tell them, or stay away on purpose.,

Hold your head high, be glad that you did not get royal messing with from this guy, He could have taken advantage of a situation but he just gave distance. He did not talk about the persons name as a way of avoidance. Now there is someone that should have felt foolish, she had everyone and the cook trying to get him to her picnic and he never returned her calls. If he picked up the phone when someone said she was getting tires it was likely to get her off his back with all the messages to call her.

Can you imagine to the lengths she went to trying to throw together a party and have him come, then he never calls her back, and no one else shows up but her one friend. She went out buying ice and making a hoo down and no one went......No wonder she did not stop in there after the tires....she was embarassed.

You do not have a Scarlet letter across your chest that you feel foolish.
You have unconditional love and caring for people and I wish only for you to be treated the same. But, life often is not like that.
Hold that head up and no more of that feeling foolish.
I bet it will be much better after a night of sleep and sorting out your real emotions.
Di

oh my...
 

DiMarie

thank you for your insights... i really think you are hitting the nails (plural) on the head, and there are many nails indeed.

Barbara,

take heed. Sure, if you need to huddle up at home for a few days it's ok... coz it's no good going out if you are too fragile to deal with these people with a pseudo-happy face (and i don't mean ecstatic).

But after a day or two to cry your eyes out, do take a trip... maybe a short one at first, and just have coffee... on your own perhaps, at your hangout. Say hello and be sociable if others are there, and if it is hard, just don't stay a long time. But when you are there don't give them reason to think your world is falling apart. Like Di said, it's all on the inside right now... safe... and that's a good place to keep it... safe. ;)

Remember you are the "good guy" in this picture, and find peace in that. As for the others, perhaps, they know no better, you know? Forgive them, for they know not what they do.

Di said many things so well i will only add one more thing..... actually, several, after what your thread title indicates:

:hug: :hug: :hug:
:hug: :hug: :hug:
:hug: :hug: :hug:

~ waves ~

I hope you have a fresh start today.
Di said it so well.
Hold your head up and be glad you didn't get in to deep with this one.
:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: :grouphug:

I agree with Di.

And I hope you are doing well.

Sending hugs.


:grouphug:

Donna

Thank you all. I have planned to go there with a nieghbor to grab a bite to eat this Friday.

Barbara

atta girl!
 

Now that sounds like a Plan, to me! :)

more, old-fashioned style ((( hugs )))

~ waves ~

Thank you Waves. I am feeling better and better all the time.

barbara

I feel much better today with no booze in my system and some half way decent sleep. I went to the hangout where I met Bobby today. I went at 6 a.m. when he doesn't go in there. I thought I saw Bobby's truck on the other side of the road when I was leaving. I just thought, so what. I hope to go play scrabble today at noon at the senior center. I may or may not go back into the hangout on the way home from scrabble for a bite to eat. I half way want to test myself to go into the hangout about the time Bobby would be there and act like I am okay. I feel I've got to do it for myself. After all that was my hangout also and I should not stop going in there because of Bobby or let him intimidate me.

Barbara

BArbara this is so true, good for you.
beth:hug::hug::hug:

Yeah!
That's right! :)
Not even let the thought of him intimidate you.

You sound good. Take things as they come... go in when it feels right.

Then, I really believe you will be OK. :)

:hug:

~ waves ~

Thank you all. I went to play some dice game at the senior place today and went to the hangout. I came home and took a nap and went back to the hangout. I did not see Bobby at all. A good friend of Bobby's whom I've know about 15 years asked me if I'd talked to Bobby today. I told her no. She told me that Bobby is really a nice person. I told her I never knew him until about a month ago. Someone else said he wasn't in today. They said he must not be feeling good. They said when he's feeling good he's always kidding around and joking but is real quiet when he's not feeling well. I didn't really say much other than what I mentioned her to the people in the hangout.

I think I'll just talk to Bobby as friend if I see him in there tomorrow. I may need to wait till Friday though.

barbara

Dear Barbara,
This sounds good.
Do what works for you.
M.

Well Done, Barbara!
 

I'm really proud of you.

And it sounds like you're doing pretty well too.

As for Bobby, no need to force anything... not even a friendship with him. When you feel ok with it, that may happen spontaneously tomorrow, Friday, next week, whenever... or it may not happen. But don't trouble your head about it right now.

Just keep right on going to your hang out, enjoy the things you like about it, and let the chips fall as they may.

I'm really glad you went in there today. :) Great start.

:hug:

~ waves ~

sorry u r having bad day. i am new member. just found love and diagnose with cancer.d
 

If it was me I would want to know. Bobby has told me that he has cancer already. It doesn't matter to me. I can't speak for the ones with cancer but i would want to know.

I was so upset about my computer's mouse acting up bad and a friend not returning my mouse that works that I called Bobby tonight and left a message. I told him that I was calling to check up on him since he didn't go to the hangout today and was wondering if he was not feeling well. I went on to tell him if he needs anything or needs me to let me know cause he really doesn't live that far from me. I didn't give any indication that I was calling as anything but a friend. I hadn't called in awhile so I don't feel like I've crowded him.

barbara

I am super depressed today and can not stay out of bed.

barbara

Dear Barbara
 

You had hopes and dreams...

One day something happened to whisk them away.

So you experienced a loss... even of something you dreamed. It is still a loss. The hurt will not go away all of a sudden - you will have better and worse days. The important thing is on the better days to put your foot forward and go about your business, like you did yesterday.

Today was not a good day. It is alright for you to stay in bed today. It happens.

You have been brave. But you deserve a break if you need one. And sometimes, you will need one.

Tomorrow is a brand new day. And there will be more, and better tomorrows. The hurt of this loss will fade.

Meantime... and always in fact... please be kind to yourself.

:hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

Thank you Waves. I at least got out of bed for the time being. You are right that today is not a good day for me. I got my mouse back from my friend today. I saw her leaving her apartment and approached her to ask for it.

barbara

Barbara

You are doing a good job.

I"m really impressed.

I"m going to post for the new person in the middle of this.

I think they got lost.

Donna

Thank you Donna.

Barbara

I am stunned this evening. One of Bobby's good close friends kept telling me at least 3 times this week after the last time I say Bobby how good of a person he is. I went to the hang that I met Bobby today and the same person asked me if I had seen Bobby today. I said no. Then about 30 minutes later another one of the regulars came in and asked me if Bobby had come in yet. I said no and asked why. She said that she thinks that Bobby likes me. I asked her what made her think that. She said because he is always leaving when I leave. I told her it's me who is always leaving when he leaves. I did not stay long after that. No one wanted for me to leave I think cause in case Bobby came in I guess.

I can't take this yo yo affect. My neighbor Bill asked me if I was over reacting Monday. Bobby has my phone number but and has not called me all week. He's the guy, he's suppose to call me, not me call him.

I am so confused.

Barbara

Dear Barbara,
Those people are awfully noisy and seem to like making suggestions.

So here's my suggestion.
Let all of this hang in the air for two weeks.
You don't have to do anything or be anywhere or listen to anyone.
Relax and do what you would normally do.
The results will be the same whether you took action or not.

M.

Barbara

I love Mari's ideas

But can I add one thing to it. When one of those so called friends
of Bobby's ask if you have seen him.

Just reply back, Well gosh, no.

But I would guess you know that, since you've seen him right.

I'm guessing from something you said, he is not in the best of health.
And I'm wondering if they are trying to find out if he is okay.
Thinking you know.

So maybe just say if they want to talk to him, or find out something
to call or talk to him. Not you, your not his keeper.

Donna

I don't know - it almost sounds like high school to me.
you know what I mean ??
busy bodies , gossip and stirring up things just to get a reaction or something ...:confused:

I sure wouldn't care for all that talking behind my back if it were me.

none of their business anyway IMO

One thing I know for sure is that Bobby and I have at least become friends if nothing else. I am not going to turn my back on the friendship him and I have developed over the past 5 or 6 weeks. I don't care what people say behind my back as it is none of my business. If there's one thing I've learned over the past few years is not to let the fact that people may be talking about me behind my back bother me. If I can't have anything more than a friendship with Bobby than that is all I will take. The frienship I have with Bobby is what made me fall for him otherwise. He does't have to call me all the time to be a good friend.

barbara

Barbara

You are so right.

Donna

Thank you Donna. I talked to Bobby today. He's going to be in town all of next week.

barbara

I talked to Bobby again tonight. He called and we had a nice chat. He'll be coming to see me tomorrow. I'm so excited I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep.

barbara

I'm so happy for you Barbara
 

That's really cool.

I'm glad Bobby's moodiness that day was not "about you" after all... or at least, that you and he are still going to be friends. Real-life friends are so important. My real-life friends are, for the most part, a continent away. :( So I really appreciate the making of real life friends.

I hope you get some sleep or Bobby will get to see you all baggy-eyed... LOL... teasing! ;) :D

(and i should talk... it's close to 5 am here... argh! :o)

~ waves ~

I can only imagine your excitement...


This is what my Best Friend would tell me when I have been interested in someone... be it a new person in my life or re-connecting with someone I liked from my past:

Take it slow...
remember to breathe...
take it one step at a time...
and try not to read more into him coming by than just visiting with a friend.

I'm happy for you and wishing you the best... :)

:hug:
Abbie