At the two year mark and... (a reflection and a vent)
 

some things are easier, some things are not.

The first year was harder as far as trying to wrap my head around this disease. Knowledge is power, and managed to grab my paws on everything to help me understand what was going on. Thankfully found a few forums, including NT, and got a lot of support and help when I was scared (side note: you guys are awesome!!!! :Bow::Dancing-Chilli:)

Went out on a limb and decided to showcase my art. Been hoofing it to galleries and festivals, and trying to get my name out there :) People are funny creatures. I get less hemming and hawing when I say I'm an artist versus when I say I'm not working.:rolleyes:

Hitting my second year feeling a little worse for wear and heading for the MRI on Tuesday - the second in the year. There was a "maybe" new leison on my T spine on the last one, but I moved too much for them to get a clear shot. Hopefully valium will help them get a pretty pic.

Recently getting a little frustrated with the rollar coaster of symptoms - never the same two days in a row! It makes it hard to plow through sometimes since it's on the unpredictable side, but I keep trying. The new ones have been even more fun, and hoping I can find ways to adjust around them like I have for my more usual suspects.

Want to scream at the docs, especially the next one who says my symptoms are "a typical". I feel like saying - "Well, Duh! been that way since the start", but generally too nice to say something like that. Though my neuro and I almost got into a major arguement at the last exam. :rolleyes:

So that, believe it or not, is the short version :D Still taking it one day at a time and trying to keep on keeping on.

:grouphug: Thanks for listening.

Finlady,
Keep on truckin"

kicker
PS while never a "deadhead", I like the Grateful Dead.

Your post made me think about how long it's been since my dx......nearly 4 years!

I never imagined I'd be dealing with this disease but I believe that it's just part of the plan for me. That makes it a little easier for me to deal when the sx flare up or I have a "MS Moment".

You seem to be dealing very well. What choice do we have, really? :rolleyes: Just have to make the best out of what we're dealt. I have to tell you that I enjoy looking at the art you post. I wish I had some kind of talent that I could showcase to others.

Being able to share my concerns, problems and accomplishments here with my NT friends has been a tremendous help. Not sure what I would have done had it not been for this online support group. :grouphug:

I had my two year anniversary in March (March 29th to be exact). It is weird how that date sticks in my mind. The first year was definitley hard, and I still expect to wake up some day and discover that I am all better. I understand your frustrations. Having a place like NT to come to has meant alot to me. Family and friends just do not get it.

On my 2 yr Anniversary, I was in remission and denial.. I was way too busy with a second grader in a new school, 11 yr old and 13 yr old stepsons and a new house....Oh yes, and a DH to raise..:)

I had only miniml symptoms and was bothered by the heat a lot, but lived a pretty normal life for a long time. I would say that my second year realization came in 1992, 17 yrs after my initial DX, when I had my second BIG exacerbation from H e l l..:eek: That was the real start of my decline into the abyss of MS..:mad:

I am so sorry for your loss, Finlady..:hug::hug::hug:

Hi Finlady,

I'm about to reach my second year anniversary too. Hard to believe that 2 years have gone by. I'm glad you have the art to bring some meaning and happiness into your life! Sometimes I think that I've come along way in 2 years, esp. when I remember the first few months after diagnosis. Other times I think that having this disease still produces way more anxiety than is healthy for me--I know this because occasionally I allow myself to imagine what it would be like not to have MS and my life seems like it would be so less stressful and more carefree. I find that upsetting sometimes. I'm still searching for a place where I can feel content.
Anyhow, good luck on the path toward health. :hug:

Natalie

FinLady,
 

Thank you for your update. I am about two years now I think?! I was talking with my husband today about having to just accept ms as a new way of life. Denial really didn't work well So now that I have accepted it I'm not fighting so much with my old self. Right now I'm going thru a thing with not sleeping then finally wearing out and sleeping for a day and night. I'm just going to be okay with that and my family is learning to accept it to.

I hope you are really hanging in there. I know it can be discouraging at times. But like you, I'm so glad for all the people here who really understand.

Thank you!:hug:

Think the MRI went well this time. Valium almost made me nap in the machine, which is a good thing. I'm usually very tense since I don't like feeling trapped. But the tech thinks the pics came out good, crossing fingers.

Thanks everyone. :grouphug:

Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like had my DH been around to experience MS with me. And my parents? Ya know? Would I have had an easier transition? Would they have been able to cope with it? I'm pretty sure they would.....but I'll never know. I'm glad my parents didn't have to have the additional worry I know my dx would have caused them. For that I'm grateful.

So many here have a significant other to share their fears and concerns with. I just wonder sometimes what it would be like to have that. Not trying to sound sad....just wondering.

Do you find it easier to deal with having someone there with you everyday that you can vent/cry/lean on?

Yes, in a way, it is easier, Kell. I miss my cheerleader DH. On the other hand, he was not well either and I think his worry for me made it harder for him.

We have our Kids and I think our DHs are in a better place and may be helping us more than we know..:smileypray: :)

Yes. Being alone and disabled is the pits. On the other hand, I don't want to have to train a new "someone" ever, so will just deal with it by myself and my kids.

gmi

Absolutely! :)

my DH has been a complete God send. He just sorta gets it. If it reaches a certain time, and I havent started dinner, he does. If I get the laundry started, he will fold it. If I am dragging, and unmotivated, he will con me into a walk. He has been my strength, and my rock. He goes to every appointment with me. He has read all the books. He does half my shots.

We have been married 23 years this year, and I would do the same for him if the tables were turned. Could I survive without out, well...yeah, I believe I could. I have lived on my own in the past, and it was hard work, but I did it, and did it well. I have no fear that I could take great care of me on my own, but have great comfort that I dont have to.

So, yeah, its easier with a partner. not just a mate or a date, but a partner.

I often think about the same thing Kelly. I feel so alone sometimes when thinking about the future. I just think it would help to have someone to help me make decisions.

I was the same way......read everything I could get my hands on. And endlessly looked things up on the Internet. That's how I found NT! :)

I'm not as fanatical about it now as I was in the beginning. I just wanted to learn everything I could about it.....and that turned out to be very frustrating because no two people have the same sx with MS. It's such an individual disease.

Kitty, I call it the "designer disease" since it's unique to everyone.

Well, spine came back with no changes, which is a plus. :) Still feel like I'm going bonkers :Crazy 2:, but have decided to just keep trucking on. Gotta 'cuz I'm stubborn, and that's how I roll :D

Hang in there
 

The first year is the hardest. You want to tell everyone that you have MS:eek: You have an internal pity-party. You feel like crap because the MS is bad enough to get a diagnosis. You read everything you can get your hands on and re-read the same info on the internet. You get ticked at everyone who doesn't understand MS....and no one knows how you feel.
Those relapses can take a toll where you may never feel as good as you did before. Its okay. There will be good days and bad days. Unfortunately you have to let time go by to determine bad times of the year for your symptoms and what stresses trigger it also. You'll freak a bit when something new pops up only to find out its not progression. Its a long learning process and THANK GOD ABOVE for places to talk like this site. I've learned more here and been comforted the best. People here have given me the knowledge and forethought to ask my docs the important questions. If I had to get MS, I'm glad I got it in the age of the internet. Thank the lord for the medications on the market that help me. God bless the scientists.

I've been hanging since my 2003 diagnosis but my first signs started in 1989.
Venting is healthy.....you can vent on my shoulder anytime.:circlelove: