So far down I don't know how to get up...
 

I have wanted to post about my ongoing problems…afraid people are tired of hearing about me…I might not post this at all....

I am going through a huge calendaring time for me with PTSD. Too many anniversary pains to process. I can’t look at a picture of either of my children without burning tears feeling my eyes. I have to keep a happy face so no one knows. Anyway that’s how I feel…

I….feel very lost and having a hard time facing the challenges I have to face everyday…Monday’s are so hard, they are the beginning of the unknown and they scare me to death!

On top of it all we are having huge financial problems right now…that is a hard one to admit in public. I’m so scared…don’t know what to do. My Olhipie can’t help me because of his worsening short-term memory problems. I don’t even want to burden him with the worries because the stress of it would be emotionally and physically devastating for him. Its hard to see him when he gets down because of financial stress…he has never had the money problems we have before…I love him so much…I just don’t want to see him hurt.

I have to get up enough guts to call my mortgage company today to see how willing they are going to be to help me.
I got a letter two weeks ago from their attorneys stating that I was five pmts. behind…I nearly passed out…talk about taking the Xanax. I called them to see what was going on because I thought I was only one pmt. behind. They are going to audit my account to see where the payments went. They did find two of them and applied them back so they want to look deeper to see if they can at least a few more. I pay all my payments by phone. My Olhipie told me that I need to start mailing the payment so we at least have a paper trail. It just seems so easy to pay by phone. My mortgage isn’t very big but to catch up will be hard…also our bankruptcy is behind a little on pmt. I feel like such a looser!

I can’t lose our home…I lost my long-term disability and also the IRS a few months ago started taking some of the Olhipie’s long term disability. I have been using my Mom’s SS income to try to help but it just isn’t enough and…I don’t know…

My heart is so heavy. I’m not sleeping only a few hours a night. My Olhipie is having really bad problems with his short-term memory. He at times can’t remember what we did yesterday. Yesterday we went to church together which doesn’t happen because of his fatigue…we went and he slept through the whole meeting. I brought him home and we ate some lunch and he dozed off in his recliner for a few hours of needed rest. When he woke he thought it was Monday. He wondered if I slept on the couch or went to bed and left him in the recliner. I think he got it all straightened out when 60 minutes came on…he knows they are on Sundays. I feel so burned out…I am losing my patience with both my Honey and my Mom who lives with us because of the added care and the problems with memory both are having.

My Mom is having some health problems…working on a bleeding ulcer. Her memory for some things is getting bad. I have a home health care group that come in to give her baths and do PT for her. They started this past Saturday.


I am so sorry this is so long. I have calmed while writing this. Maybe it was Xanax I took before I started writing…but still wonder if I should post it.


I need to call my Mortgage company…I so scared they won’t want to work with me…This has been my home for 25 years…my Dad gave the land to build on.

Please forgive me for sounding so…I don’t know what to call it…desperate…whiney…morose…I’m honestly scared to death!!!!:(

Oh dear Tammi, I'm not suprised that you are down for the
count...you have more on your plate than anyone should have and that's before the $$ problems. I think you are just an awesome woman for wanting to be all things to all people but what about you??? You need Tammi time at the very least. You need to let those tears fall..have I told you about that book...Tear Soup?

And I'm more than a little suspicious of that mortg. company "finding those payments"...glad they are doing an audit..perhaps the rest of them will turn up.

Could you get out when the home health people are there?
Maybe have coffee with your church friends. I fear that when you act like "wonderwoman", everyone expects that of you. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us...I wish I could take away the pain and worry. :grouphug:

You aren't alone even though it must feel that way at times.
We are here to listen...we care.

hey you,
i just read your post and though i really can't offer any insight on the topic, i hope that you continue posting (and i will definitely keep reading and offer any support i can).

i know you have the strength in you. we'll help you see it.

try and have a good day.

:hug: Tami :hug: I agree with everything Alffe said. I so admire you for wanting to shield your DH from the financial troubles. Especially if his memory is not good. But.....you cannot shoulder everything alone.

I'm so glad you posted what you did. I think more people can relate to your situation than you realize. I know it feels like you're the only one going through all this when it's happening but just know that there are millions of others in the same boat. I know that doesn't help you but I just hope you know you're not alone.

I wish there was something I could do to help. I've been checking my bank account every day to see if my SSDI has been deposited so I can go to the grocery store. I've gotten very creative with the things I have in my freezer and pantry!

Anyway, just wanted to give you a hug and let you know that you're never alone. You can always come here and spill your feelings and never worry that we won't understand. Or think bad of you for any reason. We're all just trying to make it one day at a time.

I've got you and your family in my prayers. I do alot of praying. I know it works. I've seen it happen. Take care of yourself and don't try to be everything to everyone. You deserve care, too.

Next time someone says "just let me know if there is anything I can do" let them know what you need help with. Shopping, sitting with DH or Mom while you do some errands, helping to prepare a meal, laundry. If they're truly sincere they'll jump right in to help. If I lived closer I'd be right over! :p Honestly. :hug:

About the payments .. What about paying online?
or thru your bank website- internet bill pay something like that??

I do most payments online now at the websites for Ins, phone, etc and you get a confirmation page you can save or print out - as well as an email confirming. I save those too.

I like having the records saved on my computer.

You should be able to look at your past bank statements for records of payments going to the mortgage company on your banks website.

I had to track down something and just sent my bank an email from the contact us -about what I needed and they were very helpful.

Like if you needed all payments found to the mortgage company...
the bank should be able to do a search and send you a list with the info.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

I just want to cry....my Mortgage company wants to forclose...unless i can pay............

Oh no! You need to be proactive dear friend...can you write a letter to your local newpaper...telling your "caregiver story" and asking for time to get on your feet? The mortg.company won't like that but they are hardly being helpful right now.

They are talking here about letting people rent their homes instead of buying them so they can at least remain in them. Of course the banks don't like that.

It's happening all over this country. :(

I'd be loud....very loud. :grouphug:

Maybe you could possibly speak to someone in their hardship department and explain your situation. Surely to goodness they have some sort of hardship program for people with health related issues. If they don't they should.

This whole mess with the economy really has me worried. I'm so sorry, Tami, I wish I had an easy answer for you. It's just not fair. :(

(((Tammi))) The financial stress is enough to bowl anyone over. I know, 'they' say money can't buy happiness but I can assure you!...it does bring stress and depression when you don't have it.

I'm appalled that they didn't have payments recorded. Like Jo, I do most of my payments on line. I don't trust calling in payments. Those boobs! Be sure and check back through your bank statements so you can find out if/when the payments were made.

It's so difficult being pro-active when you are so very down and scared but I agree with Alffe. You gotta be proactive in this case.

((Tammi)) :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

I'm am the most pathetic person I know...spelling is probably wrong...I am really beating myself up which is mostly what I do for me...Because the home is part of our chapter 13 they will remove the home from the banckruptcy and then put us into collections. That would put all the payments that were part of the bankruptcy dur now which would be possible 10 times more than what they are asking now...I have right now almost what they need but we would be without any money until around the 25 of the month...and it doesn't pay any of the other bills. Phone has been disconnected and I used money I had so our power wouldn't be turned off.....I can't believe this. My daughter talked to me...she is the only one who knows whats going on...She felt all this behind stuff happened last winter when I was heavily medicated for pain.

I don't know.....I have to call this women by 3pm tomorrow to make an online payment...she didnt' tell me this last week. She talked like she would work with me...

There is nothing pathetic about you...you are heroic! Could your church help you? Could your daughter make up the difference? Trying to come up with something here....:grouphug:

I don't know how to be proactive...it isn't a local mortgage company...

Thanks for reaching out
 

You dear sweet soul –ask for help.

I bet you’re the kind of person who has helped countless folks over the years; now it’s their turn to help you. And believe me, if your friends and neighbours knew your situation, they’d want to help. In fact, they’d feel awful if you lost your home over one stupid payment.

I speak from experience. Through no fault of her own (sound familiar), a dear friend of mine was one payment away from eviction when I finally pried the truth from her. I got on the phone to all her friends and a few hours later we had that payment and one for the next month. It was enough to stabilize her situation. It was just a few bucks to each of us, but it made a world of difference to her. It’s what friends are for. It’s exactly what you would for a friend if you could.

I live in a rural community where nobody has much, but we share what we’ve got. When someone is in trouble we have a pie raffle or a variety show or just plain pass the hat. If somebody needed help and didn’t say so, we’d be insulted. I’m sure your neighbours would feel the same way.

Please talk to your pastor, reach out to your friends and relatives. I know you’re strong enough to ask for help.

Please also make sure that you are receiving all of the government benefits to which you are entitled. Things like food stamps were meant as a helping hand for deserving people like you.

How on earth could you be denied a disability pension? If you contact the closest University with a law school you may find that you can get a senior student to chase the pension folks and your nasty bank for free.

“Friendship makes prosperity more shining and lessens adversity by dividing and sharing it.” Cicero 44BC :hug:

i went to talk to Olhipie and he took one look at me and wanted to give me a hug...I fell to pieces in his arms...he asked me what was wrong I told him it was very serious...we got interupted...his memory is so bad he forgot something was wrong.......

(((((Tami))))

I wish I had the words to comfort you. You are carrying a tough load. Hang in there.

I can't believe the bank won't work with you, how heartless! I was under the iimpression that the banks were trying to help people not lose thier homes. Foreclosure is a costly undertaking for them, and working with the debtor usually is a more lucrative way for them to go.

You will be in my prayers!!:hug:

dottie

:hug: Tamiloo :hug:

You are in my prayers. :smileypray:

I'm glad you told him Tammi...tell him again and let him comfort you.

I'm also praying for you.:grouphug:

I thank you all so much...the comfort is happening...

(((Tami))),

Thinking of you,and wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers..:smileypray: :smileypray:!! Love,Kristin

Dear Tammi, Thank you so much for sharing with us. I don't know specifics-would have to research (or google) but I know there are new programs to assist with problems just as you are having-to prevent foreclosures. I hope you can find one that will help.
Sending you all kinds of kudos and hugs and understanding.:hug:

Help
 

Dear Tammi,

We are all pulling for you. I think one of the best ideas Ive heard is to ASK FOR HELP. You probably have friends you don't even know about. Why not try it? You could start with a church.

Still thinking here dear Tami. Mr.Alffe suggests you contact Legal Aid...also your congressman and Senator. They work for you. :grouphug:

hi tammi sis,

like everybody else. I am glad that you DID post about your turmoil and the dilemmas that you are going through.

I also agree that you are one that always seem to give but is afraid to ask when you needed. And I hope in all of my deepest heart that by asking now, that you will find some resolutions.

few things about the situations trouble me.

1) How can the mortgage company just locate some payments, just now?
I am with Jo*mar when it comes to paying. I pay all our bills on line. As long as I know that they are safe.

look for this indicator.

everything starts with "http://"

but a safe and secure site will have "https://" (that "S" means it is secure as that company gaurantees that it is secure, so while you are not invulnerable to attacks, it is still a lot safer than paying over the phone or even through the mail. The accounts are also/should be itemized for you in easy and simple steps that you can keep track and print.

now, knowing you, and I am going to be blunt here. I fear that your fear is that you won't know how to do it and that you'll find it too technical for you to pay on line. But usually, the companies themselves should have a "tech support" that will walk you through the process over the phone.

Being proactive meaning getting out of your comfort zone. And I hope that you will be willing to step out of this comfort zone.

however, if you shall choose to still pay over the phone. Always do the following:

1, ask the person's name that is taking your payments. They usually have some sort of ID number associated with them. Ask for that. Record the date and time and ALWAYS, request for that transaction number. That transaction number is going to be your paper trail shall the need arise.

2, document everything. I know you get tired and you feel like there are so much to do already. Get a Manila envelope and just keep on stuffing things in there. And take a big black marker and write dates on everything so you'll have an easier time tracking it.

and once a week, ask your daughter to help you sort through it and file it. Is it a pain in the buttockskis? You bet. But is it absolutely necessary? YOU BET...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

there are differences between mortgage companies and banks and then there are shady ones inbetween. But currently, it all goes back the Fannie may and Freddie Mac (at least that's what I've been told) So, while Fannie and Mac don't want you to contact them. The mortgage companies and the banks have to answer to them.

Fred and Fannie will be the last resort that you'll go to (and they'll tell you that if you call them, but the good thing is that they'll have records if the companies are honest)

Mortgage companies can send you letters but they are NOT allowed to bully you. In each state, there are statutes about the rights of both the consumers and the lenders. I am not sure what it is in your state but there are always free legal advices to be given somewhere to aid you.

During this economic time, the mortgage companies are MORE willing to work with you than take your house away. Trust me 100% on that. They'd rather get money from you.

If they request late payment fees, you can work with them. If they request what is beyond "reasonable" you can take it to a legal counsel (which they usually try to avoid).

They like to bully those that get "scared" into thinking that they'll lose the house right away or they'll foreclose the house right away. But the truth is is that it takes time for them to do that. Due process becomes beauty in this case.

But in the mean time, you cannot let it scare you into doing NOTHING...you have to be proactive into seeking out the helps that are out there.

I know you feel uncomfortable and embarassed...but being uncomfortable and embarassed is NOT going to keep that roof over your head. You have to make that first step and go out and seek legal counsel like many have suggested.

If you are comfortable with asking help from your church, go for it. Even going to the local paper. You and Olhipie both got enough on your plates to garner enough interest for the papers to make a nice report and to help back off the mortgage lenders.

you might even look into your local banks that might be able to let you refinance out of the mortgage situation. Are there church members that work at local bank branches? Ask them for their help.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

your own mental health. You have to take care of yourself first. You cannot take care of somebody else and put the world on your shoulders and then expect yourself to take care of everyone else. That's impossible for anybody and you need tammilulu time.

I know it's hard because you are also the caretaker, but even 20 minutes away for yourself might help clear up your mind and your soul and make you refresh enough to take on the world again.

You are an awesome person for all you've taken on. But you cannot take it on with a frail and boggled state of mind.

I am so glad you talked about it. I am so glad you are telling olhipie about it and letting him comforting you. Although he might forget it in the next few minutes, at least you have a few moments of bliss while he remembers.

Find comfort in his arms for your own soul. Find comfort in others for your sanity.

once my voice gets back on track a bit better, I'll call my banker friend here and see if he can come up with some ideas...

!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

on a final note, and I am going to be blunt here...

it'll be very easy for you to just say heckit and just look at the stack of papers and the stack of bills and then get overwhelmed that you just want to cry and sit there and wish that the papers and the bills will go away.

I guarantee you, it won't...and it'll just keep on adding up.

Can you ask someone(your daughter) to help you sort through them. Have a priority list. like bills and such in one pile. Note and date them in order of importance and sort through it.

take a big ole calculator out. Find out what your budget is per month, how much are you behind, how much are you going to be getting.

Have these figure out and bring it to your church or local organizations or lawyers because it'll help them sort through it easier and be easier to help you with.

~~~~~~~~~

as for your disability getting cut back, that is absolutely making me implacable...

call your congressman and senator. Don't be afraid, tell them of your situation and your health situation. They really DO work.

I've had to write my senator about my dad to get him on disability. But by the time they finally gave him medicaid, he was already one month gone.

But they did get the ball rolling a lot faster.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

in the end, you can do it, sis...you don't need to do all of it in one day. But you need to get started. That first step, always the hardest, but you can do it...

if you buy a 10lb bag of beef. You don't get to eat it all in one day. You eat what you can and freeze the rest.

treat these the same. Do what you can and save the rest as you can get to it...

and always, give yourself some nice quiet time, even if it only takes 20 minutes a day....

((((BIG HUGS))))) and love

lil bro

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
came back to add that I missed the chapt 13 part (doh to moi)

http://www.uscourts.gov/bankruptcyco...chapter13.html

once my mind clears I'll have to educate myself and read up more on it and see if I can understand it better. The advantages and the disavantages...

don't give up, sis...many are pulling for you...

Dear Tami,

I'm so sorry for all you're going through. :hug: You've received some great advice from the wonderful folks here. I hope all this is resolved for you and your sweetie. :hug: :hug:I'll keep you in my prayers.

And please, do not "cave in" to the 3:00 phone call!!! Tell her that your options will take time...including, talking to legal aid. :hug:

Awwwww, Tammi. :hug::hug::hug:

I've read all the posts and want so much to help you. I don't have much to add, except that I appreciate how frustrated and scared you must be. But (as has been said) you mustn't let that keep you from doing something ASAP!

Have you considered calling/writing Channel 4? They've got a nightly segment that does some investigating that can help folks. I think they might be very interested that a mortgage company would lose your payments! That is just unconscionable!

You've reached out to us. We care and are supportive, but you need to reach out where you can get some action that will help your situation improve.

Let me know how I can help, Tami. It's a bit early here ... I'll call you later. :hug:

Wow, you've gotten some great advice....especially from Moi. :)

Once you get the ball rolling.....and start being proactive in your fight to save your home......it'll get so much easier. That first step is always the hardest to take. But once you do, the other steps just fall into place.

Don't let the mortgage company bully you. You've got time on your side.....they might act like they'll be there tomorrow to take what's yours......but the process takes time, and there are legalities that they have to follow.

You've got alot of people here praying for you and doing whatever they can to help. I just love this place. I love how someone can just post their burden and so many come to help. Maybe it's prayers, maybe someone knows someone who can assist, maybe someone has some "pull" legally and can make something happen. Whatever it is.....you've come to your family and that's what families do. They take care of their own. We love you and Olhipie, Tami. It's all gonna work itself out. :hug:

Tammy, I am so very sorry about what's going on. I understand the Chapter 13 situation as my sister has gone through the same thing. Let me ask you a quick question. Does your daughter or any family member have enough credit to try and buy the house from you before they try to foreclose it? That way it could stay in the family? What about the church? I understand that once your behind in the Chapter 13 there are no hearts to go around and they just come and take. It's a very sad situation all around. :hug:

I honestly don't have words because I am imagining myself walking in your shoes and it breaks my heart for all of you. :hug: Imagine me stretching my arms across the states and giving all of you a big hug. :grouphug:

Call me if you need to. :hug:

I did a search for some foreclosure help -
http://www.utahforeclosurehelp.com/
http://www.utcourts.gov/howto/foreclosure/
http://www.utahforeclosureprevention...ounseling.html


fannie mae site-
Beware of Foreclosure Rescue Scams — Help Is Free!
http://www.fanniemae.com/homeowners/...-of-scams.html

[ Foreclosure Prevention FAQs
I am worried about foreclosure. Where can I turn for advice? What will it cost?

An experienced housing counselor can help you review your personal financial situation and plan for the future. Contact the Homeowner’s HOPE™ Hotline at 1-888-995-HOPE (4673). This hotline is staffed by HUD-approved credit counselors who can guide you through your options. You can also search HUD-approved housing counselors on the HUD.gov Web site for an approved counselor in your area. .]
http://www.fanniemae.com/homeowners/...questions.html

once again, Jo*august strikes again with her awesome search.

I am calling Jo*mar (gooJO) LOL

what a wonderful wealth of information there, dear tami-sis...

you know, I know you are not very tall, but you are as brave as that big utah copper mountain where you are near...

and deep in your heart, it's full of gold...

I hope today's phone call helped resolved some of your issues.

I still haven't not brushed up on Chapt 13 yet but I am going to be seeing some people in the near future and they are a fountain of information on subjects such as this. (my incentive for designing houses)

keep on standing tall, dear tami-sis....even a mountain need to be nurtured...and that is what you need now...

keeping you and olhipie in our hearts and thoughts

Tammy, (with your permission) I emailed a summary of your situation to ABC4 news and included a link to this thread. I do hope they will be able to help. :hug:

(((Tami)))

I'm glad so many people have been here to offer support and advice.

I wanted to add my (((warm hugs))) and let you know I'm praying and sending positive thoughts your way.

:hug:

Thats great Ro...I do appreciate you and our friendship...love ya!!:hug:
http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/j...kyouSmiley.gifTo you all!!!!

As my day goes on...well I'm just having a hard time. The mortgage company is processing a check I did over the phone with them....I don't think I'm going to have enough....watching my account...seeing how quick they process it...uggg...:(


Oh, how I hate this!!! Thank you all for letting me think out loud....

Friends
 

Hello, again .. and blessings from Pennsylvania. I know we are new friends but I was thinking about your worries, and the times in my life that seemed unbearable. Rarely did the feared outcome actually happen.

Other times, something completely unexpected and horrible occurs, and you somehow manage to handle it. Odd, isn't it. Or is it? I do believe that God gives us the tools we need to work on the challenges of life. Otherwise, we would have all given up long ago. Right?

Still praying for you, special lady, lucky Tam, who has sooooooo many loving friends. How fortunate you are indeed. Affectionately, PG

Just what you don't need...more stress! I'm sorry Tami. Praying that this will be resolved soon. :hug:

Anything new to report dear Tami? :hug:

Well, some angels have helped!!! Love those angels...sent by all your prayers. :grouphug:

I made the house payment last Tuesday...it made it in the bank today and the bank told me they would cover the check even if we were down a few hundred bucks. That's the best bank....local grown...only one in the world...Cache Valley Bank!:)

I do appreciate all your thoughts and prayers in our behalf your all the best friends...let me correct myself...family a person could ask for!!!:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Now I get to be creative with just a little cash for the next week and a half for meals...should be exciting! Anyone want to come to dinner?:D

Again, thank you so much!!

http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/j.../FRIENDS16.gif