I'm going to the hospital....
 

I just hung up with my doctor and he wants to meet me there.
I am in such a horrible horrible place.
Lord but I am a mess! I can't stop sobbing.. wth!! I love my family,
I love Lynn.. but I want this frigging pain to STOP!!
My sister will be coming home on Saturday I have to try to pull myself together!
what my Dad did to me. Intentional or
not - it bloody well hurts! Worse than anything I can imagine.

That bug in a cup...that is me right now. I wont be on for a bit.. but DO know I will be ok. I know I am not ok now- but I am reaching out, and admitting it is more than I can take. I trust my doctor. Thank you all for
being here, you have been a source of strength for me... and you just
mean so much to me:hug:

oh nikkey I am so sorry.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi
we want you safe so it is good that you are going.

Please God keep Nikki strong and lead her out of this and bring her back to us safe and in better spirits.
:smileypray::smileypray::smileypray::smileypray:

I am holding you in my heart Nikki...and thanking the powers that be that you reached out when you did...I have been so worried about you....(((BMW))) I am praying with you.....

Make it 3..... Lord, give Nikkey peace, let her feel Your presence. Please wrap your arms around her and let her feel that hug....

You did the right thing in calling your doctor dear Nikki...:hug:
I'm sure he'll give you something to help get you thru this nightmare..
in fact I'm suprised you haven't been taking something since it happened.

What jumped out at me from your post is your saying you "have to pull yourself together"...you don't have to do that...you probably would be incapable of doing that..you are fragmented right now!

Dealing with the suicide of your beloved dad so recently, taking care of Lynn...helping with your sisters kids....Too much!!! You cannot be all things to all people right now.

You're wonderful but you need to take care of yourself.

:( Oh, it makes me so sad when I log off the darned puter and next day find someone here needed comforting words!

(((Nikkey))) Ms. Alffe is right. You are so fragmented right now. Pain makes living daily life so difficult and you have way too much on your plate. You need someone to help you too.

I love you and continue to have you in my prayers. :hug:

...I will be carrying you in my heart today and praying that you will have some 'rest'....you NEED it....Alffe and Doody are right....:hug:

I'm home :) The very first thing I did was come here to let you
all know I am ok. I know how it feels to worry about someone
and didn't want to do that to you all:hug: Your replies, well..
they just mean the world to me. I am going to copy them and
put them in the book my Angel friend gave me:hug:

I am a bit surprised, but come to find out .. all the doctors said
I was "normal" :eek: Go figure. I was told by the shrink, with all
I am going through between my Dad, losing Lynn inch by inch
my own physical pain etc etc I am right where they would expect
me to be. They truly are not overly concerned with me.

You know Alffe I should have just come to your house for a cup
of coffee and chatted with you! This is pretty much what I was told.
I am my worse stressor at the moment. Trying to push myself
to "get over it" .. trying to be everything to everyone... and not taking
medication due to my ridiculous stubborn pride. Fragmented.. such a
perfect word.

I was given shots for my physical pain to get it down to a low roar.
I was also given 3 medications to start. One for anxiety one for depression
and one to help me sleep. They stressed the key was to help me manage
the pain, not try to block it. Now, it is up to me to swallow that pride and
admit it is ok to need some help.

Thank you all for being here for me:grouphug: I STILL think it should not
still hurt this badly.... but as I told my doctor, I can't imagine how I
could have made it thus far without all of you. Much love:grouphug:

(((Nikki))), you are in the process of surviving...(((Alffe)))...you are among the angels walking this earth...and I feel privilaged to be here with the both of you and you make me glad that I am...