Verbal or emotional abuse
 

Hello, I am just wondering if anyone knew anything about verbal or emotional abuse. I am finally coming to terms that a couple people in my family are verbally/emotionally abusive. I have no idea why it took me so long to even admit it to myself. I think that I just loved these people so much that I didn't want to lose them. I feel as if I have been brainwashed because I actually believed the things they said about me were true. I have been ill and unable to move out of this house so I have to just stay in my room out of fear that I will do or say the wrong thing. Because I was ill someone said to me "it's all your fault. If you had just done this or that it wouldn't have happened." Everything that happens to me is always "my fault." I was yelled at for being SO mentally ill and basically called a failure. I have been depressed but mostly I am physically ill and not SO mentally ill. This family reduced my whole life to ashes with their low low opinion of me. They think I am a total failure and a piece of crap. I think anyone who is in pain and sick and not getting the medical attention they need would be depressed. I can't do anything right by these two and they are the last of my family. After that there is no one left so that is why it has been so hard. I just don't understand WHY. Why would people want to put down someone who is already down? Some people would never even believe me if I told them what was said to me. They would say, "Oh, they would never say that to you. They must have meant something else and you took it wrong." I know what I heard because I heard it more than once. I know what it meant. How can someone tell you they love you and then put you down every chance they get? I can't believe I have spent my whole life trying to get love out of these people because it will never happen. The harder I try the worse it will get. The abuse just accelerates. I will never get any approval, I just need to forget. What do they get out of it? I can't justify it and I am surrounded by it so I think that it must be true. I guess I am confused because I am disabled and in pain. I don't want to talk to a counselor because last time I did my "confidential" information ended up somewhere else and it was embarrassing. How do you forgive someone who knows you are ill and then says the very very worst that they can. I don't want to hate anyone but I don't feel love anymore and that hurts because I have no family left after this. My husband found me in shock the other day after some things were said to me that told me what a heap of "dog doo doo" I really am as a person. This other family member thinks so lowly of me I can never get over it. I can't recall ever doing or saying something to them to precipitate it. It just doesn't make any sense to me. I wish that I had never been born if this is all there is to life. I know that I am a burden but I don't have any money right now. I wish I could get in my car and drive but I can't drive any more. I can't run down the block anymore. There must be some truth to what is being told me or it wouldn't be happening from two different sources. One person is merciless and didn't even bother to check on me when I was ill. They didn't offer to help me get to the store. One person has a lot of friends so it must be me who is at fault, otherwise they wouldn't have so many friends. I don't know. I can't see my way out of this anymore. They look at me with hate although they tell me they love me. I think just the fact that I am alive makes me worth hating. I want to understand this somehow. When is the border crossed with what someone says to your face? Is it abuse when someone yells at you and looks at you with disgust when you are depressed? That is how it has always been in this family. I have no idea at all why I came back here for help when I fell ill. Now not only am I sick but I hate myself and my whole life as well. Sometimes nothing is said but it is the very dismissal of you as a person that hurts. They make sure that you know you are not worth being around and they tell you all the time.

The one thing I know about abuse is that there is no excuse for it; often people with illnesses try to use their illnesses to excuse their abusive behavior, but even if they have a certified mental illness, there is no excuse for abusive behavior; there is absolutely nothing that excuses it.

I agree. If someone is diagnosed, or not, they still have a responsibility to attempt to be good stewards to family and the general population. One reason these disorders cause people lonliness, is becasue those who are healthy don't have to put up with abuse. I think its a good lesson for people who have mental illness to understand; that people do 'understand' that they have this problem, but they have to learn how to get along and not use the illness as a crutch or excuse for treating loved ones badly.

Im so sorry you have to deal with such people. My ex was very
verbally and physically abusive. These people are toxic and someday
you will have the strength to say "enough!!!". You deserve so much
more. Talk to your counselor, they can be a big help.

If you need to talk we are here. Be strong.:hug:

Soxmom

Is there someone in your community, who you could talk to and help you with your options. Would there be a chance of living someplace else? You should not be having to go through this. Maybe someone here know a good source for you to go to who could help you get out of the situation. My prayers are with you.

It is not your fault...I have been in this situation and for years I believed what I was told. I stayed stressed and felt that the flea on the dog was more deserving than I...

It took me a few more years to realize that the abuser was really the one with the problem...

Spell rats backwards and you will find what you are!!!:wink:
This was a word that caused me a lot of grief just turn it around and I will be hoping the best for you. Their behavior is inexcusable and I do hope you will find peace.

Lily,

My first statement is that you are NOT at fault. The people that are doing this to you are the ones that have problems and this comes from a verbal abuser. The type of abuse that you are having to endure can be and is at times more devastating and damaging than physical abuse.

IF I understand correctly you are in this house as a last resort and you live with your husband who is one of your abusers along with another family member. Are you aware of any women's shelters in your area? Can you get in touch with Catholic Charities where you live? You may have more options than you know.

I now understand why I did the things that I did but as it has been said there is no excuse for the harm and damage that I caused.

If I can do anything and I do me anything please feel free to send me a PM.

Mike:hug:

It sounds like you feel alone
 

Theres this process i go through with people who make themselves bigger to make others smaller. I first beat myself up because I am certain that I'm wrong or a FAILURE (which you mentioned in your post) then I doubt myself and eventually shove it all down to try and just "make it better" mostly for the other person.
In this type of relationship I feel alone often. I feel there's no ROOM for me to be myself because I'm either a huge success or a giant failure. Living with this binary is so hard because we don't have room to accept ourselves or what we're going through.
I know a lot of how it feels, but I don't know from your experience. I do know That It's hard to see hope when depression is so deep.

I just joined this site and this is my first post. I'm hoping to come on it often to simply know that i am not alone.

~Samantha