Overloaded, overstimulated
 

Hello all, hope you had a good Christmas and New Year.

It's been 9 months post concussion and I've been slowly trying to ease myself back into doing things I would normally do. I'm reading a book (it's a history book so no plot involved) and after 3 months I'm on the 200th page. I'm also trying to work my way through a maths book to prepare me for the degree I eventually want to do.

But I'm really struggling. Each time I sit down to read ten pages, I read the sentences over and over and they just don't sink in. It's like somebody saying something to you over and over but not hearing them, despite the fact they're perfectly audible. I haven't really read 200 pages at all; I have just looked at them. And as for the maths, I lose track of what I'm doing in almost every step of the equation so it's ultimately a giant waste of time.

Then, after each book/study "session" I become restless, with a feeling of being zipped on caffeine but exhausted by sleeping pills. I can't think properly and can't focus on anything. I can't even listen to the radio or watch TV. Sometimes I find myself "tapping" almost involuntarily, as if I have some sort of pent up energy. It's an awful feeling.

I so badly want to get back to doing the things I used to do but I seem to get knocked back on every occasion. I spent New Year in the countryside so went for a walk in a field with a friend. One of those dizzying, thumping headaches came over me from the exertion and I collapsed in the mud, unable to get up for several minutes.

I'm trying really, really hard. What if it's always going to be like this? I'll never be able to go walking, I'll never get my degree or work again. When's it going to get better? Should I bother with any of it? Am I doing more harm than good?

Andromeda

If you are only 9 months, don't panic. I'm on month 21 and am finally starting to get back to parts of my old life.

Two things:
1) Feeling dizzy during your walk and collapsing, have you tried Vestibular/Balance Therapy? This made a huge difference for me. It's like physical therapy, but for your brain and balance systems.

2) Issues with reading: Have you had your vision checked? Many people develop problems with how their eyes "work" after a brain injury. For example, your eyes may not be working together correctly when you are reading, thus causing your brain to work really hard to make sense of what you are trying to take in from your reading. A neuro-opthomalogist can do an exam to see if this is part of the problem. I also did this and now have glasses and did therapy for my eyes to improve this and it made a HUGE difference for me.


As for getting back to old things and wanting to move forward, I completely understand. Remember, everyone heals at different rates. However I can tell you before my accident I was working full time in a classroom, then full time Grad school at night. I had to stop all of that after my accident. It wasn't until 18 months that I was able to start back to my grad school program part time. I am still unable to work.

Brain healing takes a great deal of time. It's good that you are trying to progress forward, but if you are having such high spikes in symptoms, you need to start smaller. For me, it's kinda been like building endurance when you exercise. If you try to run 5 miles on your first day, bad things happen. It's the same thing with your brain, if it's tellling you afterwards you've done too much, then you need to start smaller. You want to go for small successes and progressions forward, so you and your brain can slowly build up tolerance for things.

I know how frustrating this is to hear, that it could take a long time, however that is just the way it is. Be kind to yourself and your brain. You want activities to make you feel productive and successful, so make sure you are only doing what your brain can handle at this point in time. If not, you are going to have symptoms flare and that doesn't feel good physically or emotionally.

My best to you. ((hugs)) It will get better, but you have to listen when you brain tells you you've done too much.

My advice would be to stop trying really really hard. If trying to read a book does your head in then don't do it - you can't really achieve anything much when you're in that state. You need to bore yourself back to health, then you can learn all the history and maths you like.

Try and do simple, easy, peaceful things that you find pleasurable - don't go for walks, get a friend to drive you somewhere and just sit there, birdwatching or something. Enjoy nature in a way that doesn't exert your brain or body, and don't try to learn anything.

Yes it's depressing and boring and it feels like your life is indefinitely on hold, but when your brain is telling you it's overstimulated, you need to listen to it. It sounds to me as though these challenges you are setting yourself are indeed doing more harm than good.

Hope that doesn't sound too patronising, it's not meant to be cos believe me I did all the same stuff - though by nine months the PCS had truly beaten me into submission and I would no way fight against it anymore. Maybe you just have more willpower than me! But really the symptoms are your friend - they're your brain's way of trying to make you give it the rest it needs to heal :)

trying hard
 

maybe you need to take things a little slower and not push yourself so hard, baby steps,take a short walk or just read a page or two at a time,I understand that you want things back to the way they were but pushing to hard is not going to get you there any faster I do pray that things get better for you :smileypray::grouphug::hug:

I have struggled through school years, college years and many work years. Don't push so hard, your brain will adapt. My advice to anyone suffering through this is to not give up and do not allow yourself to fall into bad habits, such as avoidance or procrastination, for instance. As with anything, we need to pace ourselves appropriately and not over do it.

Hang in there,
Jamie

I feel your pain.

Welcome to my world.

Thanks, everyone. I'll just take it slowly I suppose. I haven't tried any specific therapies; these things aren't taken very seriously in the UK unfortunately.

I want to second the advice of smilineyesms305--especially the parts about vestibular therapy and vision therapy. (I think in the uk vision therapists are called "behavioral optometrists.") These are both really promising forms of therapy, if you can get them.

You can also try a weighted blanket for overstimulation and anxiety. It really helps me with both. There are several online sites that sell them; here is one:

http://www.sensacalm.com/weighted-blankets/

I think it's best if you can get in at least 20 minutes at a time with the weighted blanket, perhaps several times a day. Some people sleep with them, but I get more benefit from lying down with them during the day once I start to get overstimulated and/or anxious.