Lost & Alone - venting I guess
 

My bf & I live in different states... it hasn't been a problem till his recent concussion mainly because I'm here & feeling helpless. It's a complicated situation but I can't visit him right now... too many obstacles. He was this loving, thoughtful, attentive man who has since become someone I feel I don't know. I know he is in tremendous pain & depression. His short term memory comes & goes & from what I can tell he's lost about 2 weeks prior to his injury. Some days are better than others - sometimes he remembers things that happened hours ago, other times he doesn't remember what we spoke about 5 mins earlier.

I can tell he's angry about everything & I get that this is normal. He seems to have lost sensitivity to the emotional needs of others, which again is normal but hard to swallow. He doesn't come out & tell me he loves me unless I say it to him. I'm assuming he needs to be triggered to say it. Yes, I'm being selfish. Yes, he has bigger issues to worry about then my emotional needs. I completely get that but it's still hard. I won't dare ever mention this to him.

I feel I'm supportive & understanding to everything he is going through-I remain positive when speaking with him & always try to tell him things are going to take time but he will get better & we just need to stay strong but emotionally I'm a complete mess. I think I've settled into some sort of depression. I can cry at the thought of him & it's not just tearing up. Full fledged tears streaming out of eyes crying. I basically stick to my everyday routine, the way my life was before he hurt himself. I really don't go out & prefer to be home in bed researching or working on my journal that I started within the past few weeks. I needed a way to keep track of his signs, symptoms, & behavior patterns as well as my own thoughts.

I feel like a part of me has died since this has happened to him. I don't know how to fix this & feel helpless. A friend of mine suggested I go to a therapist but I don't see how that will do any good. I'm not interested in being told I need to step back & let him get better or something along those lines.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for on here. I don't expect anyone to reply. I guess I just want to get this out there & not feel like I'm sheltering myself in my journal.

Hi and welcome to NeuroTalk. I'm so sorry for all the challenges you and your BF are going through. You seem to be a very perceptive and caring individual and your BF is fortunate to have you in his corner.

Hopefully others will be along shortly to welcome you to the site and share their expertise. I wish I had a solution for you. I just wanted you to know this is a very supportive site and you can come here and vent any time you feel the need.

Hoping for better days ahead for you. :hug:

Thank you so much! I'm tearing up just reading your reply, lol. I actually have a question for you, do you mind if I send you a pm?

Hello KRMG...
 

Welcome to NT!
I'm so sorry you are going thru this :(
First thing I feel compelled to say is NO you are not being selfish! :hug: This situation has affected you in a huge way. I truly understand what you mean about feeling like a part of you has died. Anytime we lose something or someone close to us, there is the grieving process to go thru. I'm sure you have a gammet of emotions hitting you. Please allow yourself this, and try not to be so hard on yourself.
Even tho you haven't 'lost' your boyfriend per se, but you have lost a part of him and a part of your relationship. This is quite a blow.

Is he receiving good medical attention?

There's also a forum for discussion on Depression. I've battled this for quite some time and it sure is good to have a place like this to come to where people really understand.

Please feel at home. Everybody is down to earth and the support is never-ending.

Also, your friend may have a good point regarding talking to a therapist. They probably will have some good suggestions and techniques that can help you as you are trying to salvage your relationship.

My heart truly goes out to you

Caring,
Rae
:grouphug:

Thanks, Rae. You're really sweet.

I completely feel that I've lost a part of him. Right now it's a huge part because everything is so unclear to him. Somehow he's remembered me, that was actually a big fear of mine. I thought he was going to forget who I was but it turns out he just forgets things we've done together or plans we've had. I know it'll take time, just real hard right now.

Hello KRMG
 

I am glad you found Neuro Talk. There will be people to talk to. You are not alone. I am sorry you and your BF are going through this trauma. Health problems can be some of the most difficult to wade through. You are a very caring and compassionate person to be supporting him the way you are. You are doing the best you can do. Being far away from each other is another strain in the best of conditions. Maybe you don't want to talk to someone that councils, I can understand that, but sometimes a professonal can give you new tools to use, to help those we love. It is really hard to do this caregiving by yourself. Depression when we feel helpless is another part of what can happen when we feel at a loss on what to do. Please consider a clergy member, even your own private doctor to talk to about this. When you yourself are depressed it is harder to help another person. Neuro talk folks will talk to you too. Don't hesitate to ask questions, or post, vent, or reach out to us. Somebody will listen. I didn't expect the help from this site that I found either, yet I did get help. I was given good direction, and better ways to cope with what I was experiencing. I did go to counciling, and I talked alot to the people here, and I was guided through some awful surgery. The professional I started with was my primary care physician. I told him my emotional problems concerning my family, and of course he guided me through the medical trauma. Keep posting, and I hope alot of people respond to you. Consider reaching out for council, I do wish you and your BF all the best. ginnie

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I know first hand what it is like to have someone you love dearly become disconnected. My husband, but boyfriend at the time, suffers from horrible pain daily, but then he started having trouble with his family. He chose to withdraw, going days without speaking to me, even picking fights.
It was very difficult to go through. I wanted to help, but honestly, he just needed the time. I refused to go away and eventually I understood that his withdrawal was his way of self protection. He feared I would leave him, so if he ran me off first, he would be in control. Only by sticking it out did I prove to him I wasn't going to leave. That I wouldn't be overwhelmed by his health and that I truly loved him.
There were many tears on my part, but I stayed with it and couldn't be the happier for it now. We married three months ago today and I am the happiest I have ever been! So, chin up, there will be better days ahead! and I am praying for you.

Hi KRMG and welcome to NeuroTalk. Did I understand you correctly that your BF has had a concussion? Here is the link to our Traumatic Brain Injury and Concussion Forum. http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum92.html

You will find a lot of great information and support there. Be sure and read the stickied information at the top.:hug: Here is one of them..http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread19462.html