I have been running hypomanic....
 

I have been running hypomanic for a while now.
Have been eating and drinking at free will these days.
I bought a car last week on impulse and did not discuss it with jeff, talked them into taking it back the next day, what a relief that was. I put on a bunch of wieght and stopped going to the gym.
My drinking has gotten out of control, been binging (5 0r more drinks in a sitting) 2-3 times a week. not good. Saturday I was so out of control at the art walk that I hardly looked at art instead went for the free wine and food.
last night 5 margaritas, now tonight I have had 6 beers and it doesn't feel like I have had any to speak of. so my tolerance is high.
I broke down and told my pdoc how much I was drinking and she had a fit.
I cried.
Right away she wants me to go to a substance abuse counselor and be evaluated. and join an AA group get a sponsor. I told her I did not think that I was an alcoholic that I just had a problem with it. She said look up the definition. She wants to see me with jeff next time so we can get him on the same page. He doesn't think I have a problem. I know I have a problem.
sigh
bizi

Dear Bizi, :hug: :hug: :hug:

You brave to tell your pdoc about what is going on.
It might be helpful to bring Jeff to your appointment.


M

Many in my family have just stopped drinking completely, mainly for overall health reasons.
Sometimes stopping totally is the best way to do it.

Hope you get it all worked out for your health and safety.
:grouphug:

Bizi,
You are so brave in many ways.

I am proud of you for telling your pdoc, but also for being so
honest here!! Thank you for trusting us and knowing that we
would never judge.

BIG (But gentle) HUG !!!!
Abbie

Bizi
 

Thanks for telling us what is really going on, your honesty is beautiful. Only y can decide if you have a problem with alcohol. If I listened to my family and friends, I would still be drinking. My family thought I needed alanon. My friends didn't want to lose their drinking buddy. This guy at a meeting I go to says " it doesn't matter how much you drink, it doesn't matter how long you drink, it matters what happens to you when you do drink."

When I for sober, I went to the CSAC (don't recall what that stands for substance abuse counseling or something) office, I didn't tell anyone I was going, I was just tired of feeling the way I was feeling. I was one person by day and one person by night. Sometimes I couldn't make the transition.

Only you can decide if you have a problem with alcohol. I hope you feel better soon.

Hilary

Bizi,

Has the pdoc tweaked your medications to help you out of the mania?
Did you buy the car at a local dealership near where you live?

M

depression is a horrible thing. i wonder if this is your way of self medicating yourself out of it. you need to have your medications checked out. did anything happen to precipitate this phase. I know you will be okay. you probably do need more support. you are going through such a hard time.
love
bobby

I think it has been a cycle for a while now. I was using the excuse to not go to the gym becasue I wanted to have a drink and did not want to drive.then jeff and I walk around the neighbor hood one of the only things we do together which that is when I used to go to the gym. But that is one of the only things we do together that does not include drinking. Drinking is a very social thing here it permiates all of our festivals going out with friends over to have drinks etc. I just finished my 8th beer last night and threw out a 1.75 liter of gin so I won't be buying any more alcohol. I think I need to have more activities in my life.I have become very lazy. going to the gym was my thing. I need to start dieting again, think that I gained all of this weight by eating too much and by drinking too much margaritas and blue berry beers are fattening.
I asked her for more klonipin ans she said no. There has not been a change in my meds to point this too. the car thing just snow balled...she thought it was impulsive but not manic.
anyway. Here is to not drinking...I stopped going to my counselor because I thought she was judging me for my drinking. I need to go back to her and get more support.
bizi

Hi Bizi
 

No problem can be changed unless you admit to a problem in the first place. You are very brave to do so. Quit Bizi, find another outlet, that won't get you into trouble. It is good to bring Jeff into this with your doctor. Not everyone is cut out for AA. Maybe you can get support right here to turn it around. I care about you bizi. ginnie:hug:

Dear sweet ((((bizi)))) ... you are so brave to open up here. In so many ways, you mirror me! The only difference is my choice of substance. I've "known" you for years... and I get it... I really get it :hug:

I say you mirror me because, in reading your words, I recognize denial... I recognize excuses/explanations... I recognize patterns... I recognize obsession (weight, exercise, amount of substance consumed)... you are helping me face real facts about myself.

I also recognize courage and a cry for help.

Bizi... you are so many of us here on this earth :grouphug: ... but you're YOU... unique, lovely, compassionate, smart .... battling your demons :(

I'm here for you.
love, Addy