Having a really bad day
 

I'm going to say sorry before I start for the whining that is coming:(
I'm in so much pain today. I had IVIG yesterday. I usually feel like a war is going on in my body for the first day or two after but this is really bad.

I think it probably has to do with already being in so much pain from coming off the cymbalta. I woke in such horrible pain. After the little sleep I did manage to get. I'm a mess and have been for a while now.

I am trying so hard to keep my head above water. I am so sad today. I keep getting on the brink of tears and pushing them back down. I quess this could also be the serotonin level with the cymbalta.

I am finding myself yearning for my life before this disease stormed into my life. I feel like this has stolen the real me. I want to crawl into bed and never ever come out. Not to worry, my family will never let me get away with it and I wouldn't do it because I don't want to hurt and worry them. I can't cry in front of them. Only to myself or my husband.

Oops here come the tears. Surprise, seems I can cry to u too! I tried everything this morning. Reminded myself what I was grateful for. Looked at a pic of my two wonderful, funny granddaughters. It worked for a while.

I prayed for strength and hope. That also worked for a while.

Now it is starting again. The only thing I could think to do is reach out to people who understand.

I talk about my blessings, faith and hope. This morning I feel terrible because I find myself asking God how much longer am I suppose to endure this? I don't think I'm strong enough for it. I know there is a reason, that we may not know, why everything happens. I just want this to be over.

I just said last night to someone else to remember what they are grateful for. I said I believe in miracles. I still have those beliefs so why am I feeling so down.

I am praying this is from coming off the cymbalta. I can't bear this much longer.

Well, I warned you I was going to vent. Thanks for listening. I have to go blow my nose haha!!!

I'm just so sick and tired of being sick and tired!!:(
Hopeful

Hopeful, I want to hug you and cry with you. :hug:

I have no words, only great empathy, as I too, feel a lot of what you are feeling right now. Hopeless. It is so hard to climb out of the pit of hell when nothing seems to point to every feeling better. I have decided to take life one hour at a time. I have basically been on a couch for almost 2 weeks now, it is hard to see past this moment.

I have nothing to offer to make you better but I am praying for you dear friend to get some relief. :hug:

Hopeful, sorry it is raining misery. You sound like you have all the tools and are trying them. I can offer nothing except that if you can, let those tears turn into giant pillow-wetting sobs that come from the heart of your pain. Who knows what may part the clouds and once again allow the birds to sing. I, along with Stacy, will pray for you. Ken in Texas

You know you are never alone, we are here. We totally understand the suffering.

My only advice is to let the flood gates open and stop trying to hold back the tears. Crying is a release the body needs. It's ok to feel sorry for yourself, and the life you should be enjoying having been tainted, destroyed, invaded by this pain.

I too often reach that point whereby I wonder how much more i can take before having a breakdown. there is a limit to what one person can take. It's not fair.

There will be better days. Warm, generous hugs. :hug:

I often find myself thinking about this-I am finding myself yearning for my life before this disease stormed into my life. I think and say rememebr when I wasn't sick and we could do this.....

I learned something from somebody that came out of drug rehab. They said when it gets bad live day to day. If you can't handle day to day then live hour by hour, if you can't handle hour by hour than live minute by minute. You can handle anything for one minute.

P.S- My middle finger goes up to Cymbalta as well.

That's what it sounds like. Now I get why you asked about the L-tryptophan. If you're not taking it, ask your doctor and get some. We couldn't find it locally, so we ordered some online.

THIS WILL PASS. It's chemical. Please try to use the thinking/logical portion of your brain to keep telling that to the other side. Do what you need to do to make yourself comfortable; let those around you help & do for you.

Doc

:hug:
I am so very sorry. I could have written your post. I cry every single day, for so many reasons. Yes, the pain... but what I fear is a life lost to the most insidious, excrutiating pain that never leaves. No one.. no one... no one could possibly get it, and I have to forgive them for that and show a level of grace and perseverence every day that I couldn't have imagined I possess. Really, hugs hugs and encouragement that you aren't alone.

I hope you have reduced the rate of your taper of the Cymbalta. I noticed you went from 90mg to 60mg, and then to 30mg. That was obviously too fast since you were so symptomatic. Maybe you could slow your taper down even slower so you don't feel so bad. This will take a while, but there's no rush to get off in a couple weeks or months. AND you will feel better while you do it. You must allow your body to adjust to the changes gradually.

You can succeed, just be kind to your body in the process.

Take care and keep us posted. Hope you start to feel better soon.

Oh, I do really feel for you, Hopeful...

I just don't know what to say, that hasn't been said already.

We have a thread here on NT about using Ambien for neuropathic pain. I searched this topic, a while ago, and it appears that even low doses of Ambien work for some people.

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread175064.html

I guess it works by altering consciousness in the brain, and blocking the transmission of pain impulses in the pain loop.

I don't know if you tried this for sleep yet, but it is something to consider if you are really suffering so much that coping is difficult.

Ambien can be problematic however, but it might help you in this pinch. :hug:

Oh hopeful. You are so uplifting to SO many people on this forum and it is awful to hear you are in so much pain. I feel for you. It is difficult to go through this frustrating disease when nobody else in your inner circle know what you are feeling and going through. It does sound like medication withdrawal since nothing else in your routine has changed right?

Over the summer, I was taking Ambien to sleep at night and have to tell you I felt great right after taking it...but it does make you crash hard. Try it if you cannot sleep at night?

Please keep posting so we can be there for you :(