Suggestions for my sister?
 

I have an older sister who has been suffering from depression for practically all of her life. When we were younger, I didn't know what depression was, or that she had an actual illness. But I always knew something was wrong with her. And as we both grew older it became more and more obvious. But dumb me still never put the pieces together until just a few years ago, when I began to suffer from depression myself because of my chronic pain.

Anyway, the past several months I've been doing everything I can think of to help her out of her depression. It's been pretty bad. She's been through two failed marriages, with two children resulting from each one, and currently lives with her younger two sons, who are seventeen and fourteen. I've been hearing that she's been secluding herself, and feeling pretty bad.

A few months ago I started talking about the problem with my mother and another sister, and enlisting their help in getting her out of the house more. I have started visiting recently, since I've finally begun to drive again. A few days ago, my mother told me that my sister had said she felt better about herself now than she had in years, and I hope our attempts are paying off. But her depression is different from mine. I want to do more, but I don't want to do the wrong thing. Is there anyone out there who has lived with long-term depression and might give me some wisdom on what I might do? I would really appreciate anything. This is very important to me.

Thank you for listening, and thanks in advance for any help you might give.

Sincerely,
Idealist

Hi Idealist, Kudos to you for all you are doing for your sister. You have given her a wonderful gift, and that is the gift of understanding and support. You didn't mention if your sister has ever sought help from a therapist. If it's possible in her situation (insurance coverage?), she may benefit from seeing one.

You supporting your sister is terrific, and I hope you have some support as well and are taking good care of yourself.

Well wishes to you and your family. :)

well, if it aint' broke...don't fix it. what you are doing now seems to be working.

listeing, caring, making her part of the family. understanding that she does have a problem. taking that serious.

what you are doing for her seems to be exactly what you need(needed) from your brother about yourself. and like the pay it forward (could not help but sneak forward in :p ) it will come back to you and your family as a whole will reap the benifits.

but why not just ask her? she might tell you things that she really needs. help with her sefl esteem, listening...being a mentor with her sons. maybe teach them a few car repairs. ;)

hon, i think you are on the right track. look at the difference in her already!

does she have a computer? maybe give her the link to phych central. i know it doesn't always work with family on the same board even though we do have some wonderful expamples.

:hug: sorry i haven't haven't been here for you much. things went from bad to you just wouldn't believe the crap.

Thank you my simian friend. :D Actually, she does have a computer, and I am trying to get her to use it! I sent her an e-mail yesterday, and gave her the site-address for NT. Even told her my user-name, so she can spy on me if she wants. I think she would like it here, but like you said, you never can tell.

I'm sorry to hear that things are still going so rough for you. :( I wish there was something I could do to help you out, after all the help you've given me.

And Calm, thank you for the compliment. I just wish I had realized what she was going through a long time ago. In my family, things like that are pretty much kept under the table. She has seen a therapist, but any benefits she got were give-and-take.

Idealist

does your sister feel comfortable speaking about her feelings and the depression she suffers?
Just letting her talk about it may be so helpful to her

I think I have mentioned before that I have both a husband and son who periodically go into depressive phases, but who have very different needs when this occurs. My husband does not want to talk and just wants to be left alone, whereas my son wants to talk and not have me say anything, just listen

they both benefit from natural supplements for the depression, although they prefer different ones, and both reacted very negatively to prescription anti depressants..............does your sister take anything for the depression?

Your just being "there" for your sister may well be the best therapy for her....just knowing that she can talk to you and that you arent going to judge her or offer cliched advice or tell her to "be positive" or " get over it" any of the other pat and meaningless phrases that people so often use ......... so often just being able to verbalize our feelings helps us to get them into perspective, and having a listener rather than an advice giver is so beneficial!

I have also learned that there doesnt always have to be a reason for depression....for some people depression simply is......and that especially is when a caring friend or relative just being there with quiet support is so meaningful

sooooo
having said all that
basically I am saying that it seems to me you are already helping her so very much:hug:

What a supportive brother you are. I know in my deepest of depressions, my sister would never have even given it a second thought.

Everybody has said such wonderful things here, I just don't know what I can add. I especially liked what Chemar said about not having to have a reason to be depressed. We don't choose to be depressed...that is for those who are truly diagnosed as having depression.

Again, you are so kind to be there for your sister.

Julie

Thanks Chemar. I've always admired and agreed with your views on depression. I've used both approaches to deal with my own. I much prefer a more natural method, but there have been times when I've had to temporarily rely on medications. I just don't like the side-effects, and I'm glad that your husband and son are able to avoid them.

Mostly all I have done is talk to my sister, about whatever she wants to talk about. And she's begun talking to me. But it's a start, right?

And Julie, thanks ever so much for the kind words. Everyone who feels depressed should have someone they can talk to. And you're right, there doesn't have to be a reason.

Idealist