I finally got It
 

Well, after all this time has passed since Wednesday evening, I have identified the underlying issue that had me so upset. When I look back on things that happened that evening it was not Doug so much that ignored me but the woman he was talking to. Doug did look at me when I walked past him and that lady that he was talking to. Well when he looked at me that gave me the nerve to walk up and speak to him. I remember telling him I had heard he had quit smoking. He responded to me. I had spoke to the lady that was already there and told her she looked familar. Well, she ignored me. Then later Doug mentioned pains in his arm and I said I had that too and she talked to Doug and bypassed me altogether. Because Doug was looking only at the lady when he talked to her and not at both her and I I got mad at him. I did not give him a chance though to do better. The whole problem I had with the anger and hurt was with me not them at all. I hated myself for not expressing how I felt to that lady. I felt embarrassed in front of Doug that I did not stick up for myself. It was really me I resented for not standing up for myself. I saw Doug yesterday evening talking to the same lady and I believe his roommate waved me over and Doug looked my way. I wasn't quite ready though to face the situation because I didn't know the underlying cause to rectify. Now I do know and can finally move on with it.

I don't know if you can realize how big a deal it is for me not to take hurt, humilulation, or pain laying down without doing anything about it. I was not allowed the freedom to do that when with my husband.

befuddled2

((((((Bee)))))),

I told you Doug brings out things in you that are helping you grow.

You would have never faced something like this while with your husband.

I was with a stifling husband like that too, Bee. Could never express anger. Couldn't even express my opinion.

I can see this is HUGE DEAL for you. I used to call them my "grand realizations" -- times when you actually were able to look at WHY you felt the way that you did and WHY you did some things.

It's a grand feeling to be able to finally breathe, isn't it :D

A good next step would to learn to use your words to express what's going on with you rather than acting it out just with your body. Believe me, sugar, it's much better (SELF-wise) to SAY "I have a problem with that" or "That makes me angry" then to have that gut-sick reaction in your tummy. There are subtle ways of getting the conversation focused on YOU or getting "you" included in conversations. You'll be learning all of that great stuff now that your SELF is free :cool:

I think that The Universe put Doug in your life as a teacher. He's gonna teach you how to FEEL again :cool:

BIG HUGS (and love).

Barb :hug:

I am so happy to hear you saying that you had such a introspective epiohony like that beffudled2, that is just awesome! I am glad you're able to pin point what you (and who) you were upset with, sometimes that is not so easy to do. I agree with Barb, that this is a good thing, having Doug in your life and that you can learn a lot from your friendship with him, like how to FEEL again. :D

Thank you so much Barb. It is so nice to have someone like you who can see how it is. I should check with you for advice when I get stuck on things.

I saw Doug get in his car this morning and I said hey to him after giving him the cold shoulder last night and the night before. He acted kind of yea right and didn't wave back with much enthusiam. But not long later when he returned he was waving hi to me like he was happy that go around. When he got out of his car he talked to me again.

I put a letter out in the mail today for Doug to read. I told him I had an issue I had been working on and that I didn't mean to ignore him if he thought I had been. I let him know that it was nothing he did wrong.

You see, Doug knows my husband abused me and he himself comes from a father of abuse. It scared me at 1st when he told me his father beat him and his brothers because I thought he would be an abuser too but Doug is the exactly oppossite. Not saying I know that for sure yet but so far Doug is a very compassionate person.

I didn't go into any details of my issue I mentioned having in the letter, I just told him I didn't want for him to see me in a sour mood. I also said other unrelated things in the letter but I basically wanted to let him know I want to be his friend.

You are right about Doug helping me feel my feelings again. It's wonderful.

befuddled2

http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MINIS/hug3-1223.gif

Barb

What a great group you all are,you have all brough a smile to my face:D
Good for you B,because Doug sounds nice,and you deserve NICE :) Sue

Thanks Sue and Pam,

Pam I did not see your post earlier today or I would have responded.

befuddled2

better day
 

BF I am glad that you are feeling better today, Best not to be confrontational and use the letter to break the ice. I think it is tough to hear women "feelings", LOL.

Things sound like they are going so much better today and you should have a better weekend then week,
I am hoping so much that it is a real enjoyable weekend.
I wouldn;t worry about the other woman either as she is older and he must enjoy getting medical advice from her.

When you are sick, or in need as we are or support, you take it from all you get....Terrible to be alone and suffering, no matter what illness, disease, or problems we have. I know I would not even be functional without the support if loving, caring friends.
I love you all dearly and hope that Doug knows how lucky he is to have someone careing so much for him and willing to be there.
HUGS :hug:
Di

Don't worry about it befuddled2, I figured you missed it and I wasn't bothered at all. Just happy for you that you'd figured out something so important and what you were bothered by the other day. :D

Thanks Di and Pam,

Pam, I imagine you are super busy with getting ready for the move.

Di, you are so sweet. I am thinking about you this weekend.
Btw, I got the letter out of the mailbox and never sent it. I had 2nd thoughts about sending it.

befuddled2