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-   Survivors of Suicide (https://www.neurotalk.org/survivors-of-suicide/)
-   -   Life.......... (https://www.neurotalk.org/survivors-of-suicide/190062-life.html)

pooh_ac 06-14-2013 09:19 PM
Life..........
 
Sigh.... I find myself in a place that I have been able to avoid for several months......Some parts of my existence has never-ending turmoil. Many things that are ever so far out of my reach and ability to do change them. Some of those things my spouse and my son are also unable to change. They hear my ranting and raving on a daily basis that the unfair and unjust things of this life should not involve a young child we have raised as our own. I pray for the day that this child's unfit father will be sent forever into a unit hosted by many county and state law enforcement. Many friends and neighbors know this child has been raised for the rather the largest portion of her life (well over 90%) by my spouse and myself. He tends to take her for short periods of time, to show her off, to attempt to show what a wonderful father he is etc.
However when it comes time for food, clothing, shelter, childcare or other needs, she is left for us to take care of all of those little details.
But I digress.. the medications are no longer working, things that in the not to distant past that brought me pleasure, my place of employment seems to be pushing me to the point of resignation,even the child herself are no longer able to keep my focus on staying in the here and now. Things seem to be spiraling out of control... The father says he is picking up the child tomorrow afternoon, my spouse is gone yet again to a nearby state. I am not sure that I will be around for my dear child on the late evening of "fathers day" or my work on Monday..
Such a small and unimportant part of this world we are:(

Wren 06-14-2013 09:25 PM
pooh ..... I include you in my prayers :hug:

Alffe 06-15-2013 05:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by pooh_ac (Post 992320)
Sigh.... I find myself in a place that I have been able to avoid for several months......Some parts of my existence has never-ending turmoil. Many things that are ever so far out of my reach and ability to do change them. Some of those things my spouse and my son are also unable to change. They hear my ranting and raving on a daily basis that the unfair and unjust things of this life should not involve a young child we have raised as our own. I pray for the day that this child's unfit father will be sent forever into a unit hosted by many county and state law enforcement. Many friends and neighbors know this child has been raised for the rather the largest portion of her life (well over 90%) by my spouse and myself. He tends to take her for short periods of time, to show her off, to attempt to show what a wonderful father he is etc.
However when it comes time for food, clothing, shelter, childcare or other needs, she is left for us to take care of all of those little details.
But I digress.. the medications are no longer working, things that in the not to distant past that brought me pleasure, my place of employment seems to be pushing me to the point of resignation,even the child herself are no longer able to keep my focus on staying in the here and now. Things seem to be spiraling out of control... The father says he is picking up the child tomorrow afternoon, my spouse is gone yet again to a nearby state. I am not sure that I will be around for my dear child on the late evening of "fathers day" or my work on Monday..
Such a small and unimportant part of this world we are:(
no no dear lady. You are important and your contributions to your loved ones matter greatly. That dark hole you find yourself in right now does have sides and many of us are here, hoping you will look up and see the light, will see us reaching down to help you to your feet. Hope springs eternal. :hug:

barbo 06-16-2013 12:11 AM
to pooh
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by pooh_ac (Post 992320)
Sigh.... I find myself in a place that I have been able to avoid for several months......Some parts of my existence has never-ending turmoil. Many things that are ever so far out of my reach and ability to do change them. Some of those things my spouse and my son are also unable to change. They hear my ranting and raving on a daily basis that the unfair and unjust things of this life should not involve a young child we have raised as our own. I pray for the day that this child's unfit father will be sent forever into a unit hosted by many county and state law enforcement. Many friends and neighbors know this child has been raised for the rather the largest portion of her life (well over 90%) by my spouse and myself. He tends to take her for short periods of time, to show her off, to attempt to show what a wonderful father he is etc.
However when it comes time for food, clothing, shelter, childcare or other needs, she is left for us to take care of all of those little details.
But I digress.. the medications are no longer working, things that in the not to distant past that brought me pleasure, my place of employment seems to be pushing me to the point of resignation,even the child herself are no longer able to keep my focus on staying in the here and now. Things seem to be spiraling out of control... The father says he is picking up the child tomorrow afternoon, my spouse is gone yet again to a nearby state. I am not sure that I will be around for my dear child on the late evening of "fathers day" or my work on Monday..
Such a small and unimportant part of this world we are:(
Hang in there - hopefully things will even out.((Hugs))

pooh_ac 06-17-2013 11:33 PM
Just a note to thank for the encouragement. See my therapist tomorrow evening. Attempting to get apt with my Psychiatrist the same day I see the pain doc. Gona get a 2fer. After the long drive (200 miles one way) I can park the car an literally walk across a lawn to get from 1 apt to the other. :D Things have not really changed. Had the migraine from hell on fathers day, so "hung-over" was the order of the am... I wonder what else can be added to my stress level before I sink.....:thud::deadhorsebeat::Sob:

Alffe 06-18-2013 05:21 AM
We are not going to let you sink....got our arms around you. :grouphug:

Glad for your appointments...keep us posted. :hug:

eva5667faliure 06-18-2013 08:44 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by pooh_ac (Post 993042)
Just a note to thank for the encouragement. See my therapist tomorrow evening. Attempting to get apt with my Psychiatrist the same day I see the pain doc. Gona get a 2fer. After the long drive (200 miles one way) I can park the car an literally walk across a lawn to get from 1 apt to the other. :D Things have not really changed. Had the migraine from hell on fathers day, so "hung-over" was the order of the am... I wonder what else can be added to my stress level before I sink.....:thud::deadhorsebeat::Sob:
easier said than done
chin up
praying for the
uphill ride

someone who cares

Mark56 06-19-2013 12:03 AM
Climb
 
Climb dear Lady, Climb. You have referred to yourself as an old nurse whom I know to be a charge nurse, an OR nurse, an ER nurse, a help you when you need it nurse..........now, allow us to wrap our arms tightly around your frame and squeeze a hug because you ARE our Friend who, having cared so much for others, now needs care for herself. We care, I CARE!

Yes, I have been apart from this bit of the forum of late because I have so many irons in the fire I have overdone.....my fault, I know. Even so, dear Pooh, I care deeply and pray your help was already on the way through therapist and Doc who could attend to your needs medically and therapeutically. Now, we come alongside to give love, hope, and encouragement that you may know we are here with you through this situation, praying it will pass and soon.

CARING.....can you feel it in Nowhere?
It is coming in bucketloads,
Yup :hug:

pooh_ac 06-19-2013 11:01 PM
Omg
 
Well the last day I was in the ER was not the my best day. Things happened that will affect my life daily for the next several months. I experienced something
EVERY nurse lives and prays never happens. I got a needle stick from a "dirty " needle. Patient I had used it for was a very high risk patient for nasty blood diseases. I "got" to do all the fun things that go with any incident that occurs, pee in drug screen cup, then have blood drawn for a baseline. Will have to have several more blood draws to assure I have not been infected with any nasty blood transferred things. Patient also had blood drawn for the ER visit, HOWEVER, if he did not give permission to have that blood checked, well I will be in limbo. What more could happen to make this life so difficult to deal with???
On a brighter note I did manage to get an appointment with my psychiatrist for the same day as my pain doc but that will not be until July 8th. In the meantime I am doing physical therapy. Like I needed another thing to my plate!:eek::(

Alffe 06-20-2013 06:17 AM
Same dirty needle stick happened to one of our daughters many years ago. It had a satisfactory ending but changed her from in hospital job to private practice nursing. Unless you know and love a nurse (two of our daughters are nurses) you have no idea how much love they have for their patients and how high their level of stress is.

Thinking of you today dear lady and sending positive thoughts. :hug:


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