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Darlene 03-19-2010 01:30 AM

Blonde jokes
 
1) Two blondes were going to the mall. When they got out of the car, they started tossing the car keys back and forth. One of the blondes missed, and the keys flew into the sewer drainpipe.

The other blonde tried to reach it but couldn't. So, she called a locksmith, and a cop. When the two got there, the blondes explained what happened, then the cop tried to reach the keys but couldn't.

Finally the locksmith opened the door. The blonde that missed the keys in the first place said,"Whew... for a second there I thought we might of needed to use the SPARE key." ;)


2)Ever wonder how blondes remember their Passwords?

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password, she said, "It had to be at least 8 characters long.

3) A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.

"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "Let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave early right after the boss does.

The brunette gets some extra gardening done.

The redhead goes to the salon.

The blonde goes home to find her husband cheating with her female boss!

So, the blonde quietly sneaks out of the house.

"That was fun," says the brunette the next day. "We should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."



4) A blonde girl decides to do a puzzle so she grabs the puzzle and pours out all the peices and tries to put it together....

After a while of trying she gets frustrated and calls her boyfriend...

Her boyfriend says: Honey whats wrong

The Blonde says: Im trying to put this puzzle together but I can't do it.

Her boyfriend says: Well look at the picture in the front and tell me what it looks like.

The blonde says: Okay... well the background is blue and there is a tiger on it.

Her boyfriend says: Honey... put the cornflakes back in the box.


5) One day a blonde office worker comes out to the warehouse to walk around. As she is walking she looks up and sees a co-worker hanging upside down from an I-Beam in the ceiling.

She asks "What ARE you doing"?

The co-worker says "I need a few days off but the boss won't let me have them so I'm hanging upside down from this I-Beam acting crazy.

The boss will see me, think I need rest and send me home for a few days".

The blonde says "That won't work...uh ohh...here comes the boss now, you're in for it".

The boss spots the blode looking up and sees the man hanging up there and asks him "Just WHAT do you think you are DOING?!!"

The man says (in a "crazy" voice) I'm a light bulb...I'm a light bulb"

The boss says "Buddy, you need some rest..take the rest of today and tomorrow off and get some sleep".

As he is climbing down he winks at the blonde showing her it worked.

The blonde thinks about this for a moment and starts to follow the man out the door.

The boss asks her "WHERE do you think YOU'RE going?"

The blonde says "I can't work in the dark".


6) Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

She didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills.


7) One day a blonde was having trouble with her computer, so she calls tech support.

"Hello how can I help you?," the tech support woman says.

"Yes, I am having trouble getting my computer to do anything," the blonde says.

"What window do you have open?"

"Are you crazy! it's freezing cold outside!"


8) In the morning, a blonde enters a restaurant with a carton of orange juice. She puts the orange juice on the table and stares at it.

The store is about to close down and the blonde is still staring at the orange juice. A waiter comes and asks the blonde, "Excuse me, we are about to close for the evening, I'm afraid your going to have to leave."

"No" They blonde replies.

"Why not?" questions the waiter.

"The carton says "concentrate".


9) Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.

They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, 'It's just 99 cents a word.' Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'

The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'

The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull.'


10) A blonde is driving down a road when she accidentally escapes a car going in the opposite direction. They both stop to inspect the damage. The blonde's car is fine but the man's has suffered a few dents. He loves his car and is furious at the blonde.
He draws a circle on the pavement and tells her she cannot step out of the circle until he tells her to.

The blonde agrees.
The man gets a baseball-bat from his car and crushes the hood of her car.
When he turns around she is giggling to herself.

"What's so funny?" the man asks.
"Nothing," the blonde replies.
The man turns around again and proceeds to smash the windows and headlights. He looks back at the blond who is now shaking with laughter.

Again, he asks, "What is so funny?"
The blonde again replies, "Nothing."

This time the man beats her car so savagely it becomes a pile of scrap metal. He looks back at the blonde again who is now rolling on the ground laughing hysterically.

This time he shouts, "I just destroyed your car to pieces and you are still laughing! What is so funny?"

The blonde gathers herself and then replies to the man, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle 3 times."

tamiloo 03-19-2010 04:13 AM

Oh, Darlene...you would have to get me started!!! I am a blonde and just love blonde jokes!!

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red head in a truck. The brunette and the red head were in the cab and the blond was in the back. The truck goes off the cliff and into the water. The brunette and the red head go up to the surface. They wait about 5 minutes and finally the see bubbles and then the blonde. Hey asked the other two girls, what took you so long? She said I had to get the tailgate open....tee hee!!

http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/j...s/36_12_61.gif

Kitty 03-19-2010 04:16 AM

I'm a blonde but love bonde jokes, too! Thanks for the laughs! :D

Darlene 03-19-2010 10:04 PM

I for some reason like blonde jokes since on my DH side of the family there are lot of them. THen again our DD is blonde is blonde so since I went through with the pain having her, you better know she got it.:Thats-Funneh:

happyisme09 03-21-2010 12:02 PM

ROFLMAO!! Me likey.

:winky:


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