Tough love with adult daughter?
 

Hello, I happened to stumble across this forum, as I sit here worried sick about my 24 yr old daughter, who has had mental problems for the past 10 years.
To make a long, long story short, she has been diagnosed thru the years with everything from PMS to paranoid schizophrenia. She has been hospitalized in the psych ward four times in the last 4 years. She now has tried to 302 herself because she can't stand living with us. She is on disability, hasn't worked for the past 4 years. She has no friends, as she hung with the druggies in HS, became so screwed up on weed, pain killers, plus the prescription meds she was suppose to be taking properly.
As it stands now, she came home from the hospital this last time, ( after she 'attempted' another manipulative suicide. ) has been very combative one minute, crying the next. We have come to the conclusion, the only way to help her is to STOP helping her. She is now staying with 'friends' until her case manager can help her find low income housing. She keeps calling trying to manipulate us and we keep telling her, we love you, but until you put forth some kind of effort, we can't do this anymore. One minute she has all the great plans to help herself, yet she fails to follow thru. Now we are trying the tough love approach .... not sure how this will turn out, but she has given us no other choice. Any thoughts or advice on this would be appreciated

Welcome to our community

I think you're doing the only thing you can do right now for her, yourself and your family. I hope she does turn aorund. I dealt with a great niece on drugs. What a ride that was. I couldn't keep up with her drug-charged life. I only dealt with her every now and then, through her teenage years. It's very sad to see someone you love destroying their life. I do believe drug addiction is a sickness. May be brought on by bad behavior, but once bitten... my heart goes out to you.

I don't have answers for that behavior and the repercussions that happen from indulging in the drug trap. It's easy to find oneself there if you use addicting drugs. It's not something they can control. I do believe that. It's heartbreaking.

Prayer seems to be the strongest hope for a cure and coping, and the addicted loved one has to really, really want God in their life and God has to really, really be there before that will even work.

It's an exhausting battle for an addicted love one, sometimes with grim endings as we see too often. Any effort by the addicted loved one is appreciated. Small accomplishments by an addicted love one should be recognized, even when we know the next breath they take they will fail again, it's still an accomplishment. Not enough but it took a lot to achieve that small effort on their part. I do recognize and appreciate that effort.

My prayers are with you and your family...:hug:

http://i489.photobucket.com/albums/r...hereFriend.jpg

Hello almondgirl, and welcome to NeuroTalk! You will find many caring, helpful, and friendly people here. We're so glad you found us!

I'm so sorry about your daughter. I can only imagine how hard it is for you to deal with all the things she has done.

Personally, I think you're doing the right thing with tough love and not giving in when she tries to manipulate you. There are a lot of people here who have gone through the same thing with children and with siblings as you are going through with your daughter.

Here are links to some forums for you to check out:

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum85.html

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum31.html

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum40.html

I'm so sorry about your daughter. I can only imagine how hard it is for you to deal with all the things she has done.

Personally, I think you're doing the right thing with tough love and not giving in when she tries to manipulate you. There are a lot of people here who have gone through the same thing with children and with siblings as you are going through with your daughter.



Thanks for the links, and also for the kind words or encouragement. After the Michael Jackson ordeal, I can now see how this can happen so easily without friends or family able to stop it. My daughter is staying with friends and she has called acting to be all whacked out, we were thinking here we go, try to make us feel sorry for you so you can move back home and abuse us more. Her friend contacted me w/o her knowing, I told them, yes we have kicked her out, she can't come home until she helps herself get better. She is definitely abusing her prescription drugs. She has a total of 8 different drugs ranging from ibuprofen to Prozac. I'm sure mixing them up, abusing them, can make you appear bi polar, schizophrenic etc.
Our heart is very heavy, I can't sleep, I have such a knot in my stomach, just waiting for that phone call, one can only pray a parent never has to receive. Thanks again for your advice and helping me realize, this is something we have to do to give her a chance to grow up and take responsibility for the outcome.

I totally know you are doing the right thing. I have a know 26 year old that
we had done many things, and at 16 he was put in a program by the county
for boys with treatment. ANd thankfully the psychiatrist found the right
medications. But it had been many drugs before we got the right combo.

We finally got someone to figure out what exactly he needed.

Donna

Hello eveyone,

Well, unfortunatly the call came on Sunday. She was staying with 'friends' crossed the line again, smoked weed, abused her own meds, and there she went .... over the edge once again. Back in the hospital. I think she most certainly needs detox, drug rehab, grow up, be accountable for her bad choices, take responsibilty for her own life. I am exhausted.

Ann

Sorry to hear this Ann

Hoping that she can get some help this time.

Also hoping you can find some more folks to talk to.

You can come to the bipolar forum, and talk to us.
We are a pretty active group, and would support
you as much as we can. We might not know the
answers. But sure would understand.

Donna