On the edge
 

I have been in so much pain for so long, physically and mentally, that I am just done! The doctors do nothing more than take information and send you on your way. I have told them over and over for three years that something is wrong with my lower back (numbness and pain from crotch to butt, over to hip, down legs). I finally had an MRI yesterday for this and my neck because the pain has gotten so bad. I have never had pain while doing an MRI, but yesterday my lower right side of my back was killing me on that table and causing spasms. Now I am in pain even worse and the pain meds are just not cutting it anymore. I cannot take more because I will throw them up. If I take the Flexeril I will be jello on the couch. Just four years ago I was up in the woods with Doug getting wood for our stove in the shop and to sell. I could run around like a mountain goat! Now the best I can do is hobble to the mail box! I have thought of suicide more in the last two years than I have in my whole life and it scares me! I fear I will be crippled just like my Mother.

Hi Gruvingal,

So sorry you are suffering this much physically and mentally. With my issues, I do understand and share your pains. Hopefully, this MRI, taken while you were suffering, will show cause and you will be given effective treatment.

Please talk - here or in the Real World - when thoughts turn Dark, you know that is not a solution and causes more problems and pain for those left behind. I am always about, and we have the Survivors of Suicide Forum to Post to if you feel the need.

What you do have going for you is your dogs. They are proven pain relievers and mood elevators, as well as being loving bundles of cuddly, furry fun! I miss my Bobby, even miss Sly, who I lost 11 years ago.

Keep us informed regarding your MRI results, condition and treatments, there will always be someone here to listen.

Dave.

You mention having an MRI so I would assume you are hopefully under the care of an orthopedic doctor; specializing in lower back.

I had spinal fusion/laminectomy over 8 years ago. Many of my complaints were very similar to yours. The pain had gotten so bad at one point turning in my bed would bring me at times to tears and close to screaming. I was so ready to have the surgery. While I had other vertebrae issues; the worst was at the L4-5 level Also spinal cord near that area was so narrowed, some of the lamina (laminectomy) had to be removed. I don't think I would have been able to handle the pain without having the fusion/laminectomy.

While I still have some spine pain issues; most of my pain now has to do with the peripheral neuropathy I am dealing with. I am under the care of a Pain Management doctor who has managed to keep my pain under control which enables me to get thru each day.

Information regarding the results of the MRI would be very helpful. None of this means you will be in a wheel chair. So please hang in there.



Gerry

I am sorry to hear about your suffering. I hope your MRI sheds light on your symptoms and presents some options for healing.

As so many here do, I well understand the loss and despair that result from a life turned upside down by pain. It is tragic to go from being an active, energetic person to one who struggles to do simple daily things. For me the turn around came from a surgery that did not eradicate my pain but did greatly reduce it. I found a wonderful therapist who was versed in chronic pain and she was a tremendous help in getting me out of a very deep emotional rut. Though my family and friends are supportive there is no beating a competent, caring professional to help lighten the burden.

Please let us know what your results are. I am sending prayers for healing and restoration.

:hug:

So sorry
 

Dear friend
Reading your post I cannot oversee your emotional pain hass
a hold on me as well
I can relate to a point
I am afraid to have ANYMORE SURGERIES
with my history of how it all began to where I am
now
Please my concern as my own is how deep of a depression
I or you and many others
I have opted out to have first suggestion was the pain pump
Just could not do when I can ingest
And a tolerance level that is in the pits
I want to throw up all my Meds
I have a highly sensitive stomach
Then SCS
And found this blessed place
And have been here ever since
I go back in the year 2010
Thought it was a stiff neck
Double fusion cervical 5/6-6/7
Done twice failed horribly
And uuring my cervical recovery
found my breast cancer in my right
breast
I hear your desire to throw in the towel
I am here to ask you please not today
And if the feeling comes as I wake with it
I tell myself
Tomorrow
It has been in the last two years I feel the same
First starts with pain and most times IT dictates
how the waters will be for the day
I have a wonderful support group here those who have reached
out already who held me up when I just couldn't anymore
Please make sure you keep yourself well enough
and when them very dark thoughts put it off tomorrow
and at that moment reach out
I know how great the pain can get both physical and mentally
Hold on
Hold on
Hold on
Hold on
Hold on
Love
Me

I, too, am hoping you MRI will show something helpful.

AS for Flexeril, there are other muscle relaxants available. I cannot take Flexeril at all. Please ask you doctor about a different muscle relaxant.

Magnesium is a great muscle relaxant; yet, may not be enough.
(Not magnesium oxide.)
Do be sure you have adequate calcium and magnesium intake.
See the magnesium threads in the PN forum if you have questions about magnesium intake.

As for feeling fed up and thinking of suicide, I am very sorry for your deep pain. :hug: Many of us, if not all, have been there. Some of us revisit that place over and over again on our journeys. The pain, the limitations, the isolation, the humiliation, the frustration and even the fear... are often too much.

Please show deep compassion to yourself during the most challenging times. You deserve love and compassion.

The Survivors of Suicide forum is a good one here. I am a member there, too.
It's a little quiet there this week. Yet, please check in there anytime.

Please continue reaching out!

I hope today is a better day for you!

Warmly,
DejaVu