NeuroTalk Support Groups - We are not alone...

I recently read a post by Mary Carmichael on The Daily Beast in the Newsweek section.

Advice for families coping with the challenges of raising a child with bipolar disease.

I cannot post an active link to this article because I have less than 10 posts, but if you copy and paste the link into a new window or tab it can be accessed.
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I was anticipating reading the comments after and I was pretty shocked to learn that no one had posted a single comment to this article written in 2008. I know that I am not the only one who has an adolescent child diagnosed with Bipolar and is looking for answers to being a more effective parent by trying to understand this disease. I am beginning to believe all the reports that I have read so far, that this devastating disease has a terrible stigmata attached to it.

There are so many people who can benefit from the trials and progress of other parents who are going through the same issues that have been highlighted in this article. If they will only open up and share their experiences, hopes, strengths and fears. Children with this disease should not be kept a secret, "kept in the closet" and no parent or parents should have to face this alone.

Has anyone ever heard of the old saying "It takes a whole village to raise a child?" This couldn't be truer for a child with Bipolar disease in my experience.

At first I tried to keep this a secret from my family and friends. Personal things started to get missing when my child went to visit relatives, she starting having impulsivity, shocking behavior, promiscuity, drinking, taking prescription and illegal drugs and became out of control. When she started threatening to kill me and came at me with a knife, I knew that I could no longer keep her diagnosis a secret. I had to open up to my family and explain what was going on with my daughter who is now 15 years old.

I have never felt so heartbroken and so helpless in my life, even in my own battle with Bipolar disease. Adolescent children as well as Adults with Bipolar often stop taking their medications, stating "I don't like how they make me feel," shortly after medications have been discontinued we will ALWAYS go into a manic state. Important fact here: everyone who has Bipolar will ALWAYS go back into a manic state if medications are stopped. We do not ever, "get better" and there is no known cure for this debilitating disease.

It is important for parents to know and understand that not everyone, including friends and family will accept that there is something seriously wrong with a child diagnosed with Bipolar. After all there appears that nothing physically is wrong with them and when not in a manic state they can be quite charming and loving children.

I would be wealthy if I had a dime for every time that I have heard "she just needs an attitude adjustment, beat her *****" I have even heard this from police officers. I was outraged, as I was attending a strengthening families program which taught the exact opposite. We were ordered to go to this program because the very same police officer had caught my daughter, 13 at the time, after she stolen my car at 2 in the morning, driving down the middle of a major thruway in our city, wrecked and on a flattened tire.

The most important thing in my experience is to make sure that I have done my job as a parent and explain to everyone what is happening with my child. How they respond is up to them, but I don't let it stop me from letting them know about her disease and warn them of her impulsivity and penchant for taking items that don't belong to her. I don't let other's opinions of how to raise my child deter me from doing what is best for her. I encourage them to Google Bipolar disease and read about the disease. Education is important and I always take the opportunity to educate people about her diagnosis when they ask questions.

To: Parents with Bipolar children, I strongly urge attendance in a family program that teaches parenting skills, especially one that includes your child and siblings in the program. The lessons I learned in this group have been invaluable to me and for my child. Nothing is fool proof, it has not been easy and I have had plenty of trials and a multitude of errors. And will definitely have many more I am certain.

It is so very easy to want to "give up" on these children. "Lost Ones" or "Throw Aways" are what I call these particular children. It happens often, I was a "Throw Away" child. My mom, bless her soul, had few options for treatment and I was misdiagnosed many times. Up until the last 10 years children were seldom diagnosed with this disorder. She had no option other than to give me away, as she was a single mom with more than one child to raise. The "Lost Ones" are the children whose parent/parents have given up hope and just let the child do as they please and try to sweep the messes up when their kids get into trouble. These poor children often end up losing their lives from a drug overdose or due to their other risk taking behaviors.

It is very important for parents to NOT condone or cover up for their Bipolar child's bad behaviors. In a manic state they cannot control themselves, BUT they can control whether or not they take their medications. Children with this disease have to understand that they are responsible for taking their medications correctly and must be held accountable for their actions in a manic state if they don’t.

In conclusion, although my child has Bipolar and sometimes can be more than I can handle alone, I love her with all my heart and will continue to be by her side through the good times and the bad. If my child had cancer or asthma, I would do the same, a child with Bipolar disease is no different than a child with physical diagnoses.