Frustrated by the Roller Coaster.
 

Thursday night I went out with my girlfriend and her mom to Fremont St Experience. I'm no longer just messed up when I'm stressed, overstimulated or really hot...Now, its all the time. So I might as well just live my life, right? For those of you who've never been to Las Vegas, its a street that has a bunch of casinos, stages with loud music playing, lights flashing everywhere, thousands of people walking and talking...and its just hell for someone with PCS. Well, I survived the whole ordeal (with some cognitive and speech problems) but I ended up a mess when I got home.

I slept maybe 2 hours that night before I had to get up with the kids. When I woke up, I could hardly speak or think. As the day went by, it started to get better. I was on the bus when I had a conversation with someone that actually went quite well. Since that conversation, the rest of the day turned out pretty good. My actual personality came back and I was almost talking like I normally would without a brain injury. Out of nowhere, it came back with a vengeance. Around 11pm, I was back to not being able to express myself properly, I was saying things that weren't very nice (because I didn't know how to express it in a nicer way) and my personality changed for the worse. Now today, I just want to bury my head in the sand because I'm hardly able to articulate myself.

Here's the thing...Its been about 3 weeks since I had a good day. My days are usually crap no matter what I do. Now, this question is probably going to be hard to answer but...Why is it when I avoid overstimulation, wear my earplugs, stay away from stress, and whatever else brings on symptoms for someone with a brain injury, I function like crap anyways. But, I go out to Fremont Street, which is a nightmare for someone with PCS and the very next day I have the best day I've had in 3 weeks. It doesn't make sense. That happened a few weeks ago, too, when I went to a busy casino pool (hundreds of people, kids screaming, loud music playing, etc). I broke through my expressive aphasia and functioned quite well...and then again for 3-4 days afterwards.

I'm just confused and frustrated. I just want more good days...I'm tired of being messed up for weeks at a time before I have one good day. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason why it happens this way.

I envy those who have "symptom free" days. I can't remember the last time that's happened...or if its even happened at all.

I completely understand your frustration. I miss the"good" days when I was normal. I am so depresssed lately and can't find a way out of the funk. I am grateful for what I do have, as I am sure you are too, but it is still so hard. Even more so when you have kids (u mentioned you had to get up with them)

My thoughts are going out to you. I am hoping you find an answer, sorry I couldn't give one as it seems I am getting more questions than answers in my recovery too.

:hug:

Get those rotten teeth pulled then see if you have the same roller coaster.

I was having a lousy day today then about 2:00 pm it was like a light was switched on. This has been my normal for years.

You could say I have learned to bob and weave around my lousy times and keep on going.

I have never had to be so cautious about my surroundings. The casino's sound like too much to bear. I live in D.C. And we used to go on the National Mall to see the fireworks. I can not fathom doing that now. The people, mass quantities of sweaty, possibly drunk people, loud noises and crowds on the metro....whoowwiiie, no way! But for you it seems like the challenge of working through an over stimulating situation creates those endorphins or something like them? Thanks for your post. It shows me friction may not always land me in the ER, but may lead to good days.