I really feel like I am slowly going crazy.
 

I am stressed about my future finances and all stuff I have written about before. I have always been able to sleep with my Meds but they are no longer working. I stayed up until midnight and still got up at 4. When I got up I saw that someone dumped a can of yellow paint on his red older model Cadillac that he cherishes. I have said hello to him a couple times but he just will not acknowledge anyone in the neighborhood. I am really upset about it. He is not in town so i filed a police report for him. I went to the store and I was talking to a woman who was asking me about my dog and her freaking kids were petting Trip behind me. I bellowed "NO, NO, NO," you don't do that, you should never pet a dog from behind and without meeting him first....people in the parking lot looked at me like I was crazy, so did the mom, so did Trip. So I was super anxious already and then things start happening like they always do when I am fired up, lose my keys, lost my wallet found them both.

I also met a guy who has TBI/PTSD with a service dog. I skied him if he would mind if we took the dogs for a walk and he could teach me some things. That turned into he invited me to his house for brunch, he has his kids this weekend and it all got to be too much so I canceled. Also, I am an officer, he is enlisted and I could get in trouble for fraternization. I asked him if we could meet at a park or coffee or something some time. He was very nice and I feel very safe talking to him. I just want a friend....nothing more.

I went to my AA meeting this morning just drained and what they call emotionally hung over. I told them that I needed like 4 feet of personal space today because I am so scared. They were so nice to me.

My house is normally pristine but now it is a mess. I have recipes all over the kitchen, medical papers all over the dining room, the vacuum out, clean laundry in baskets to fold so instead of dealing with it, I blew up a queen sized aero bed in the living room and Trip and I are going to watch something like the Walton's or Little House on the Prarie and listen to the rain from Isaac that is making its way up here.

I am so miserable. I am trying so hard not to feel.

Dear Hillary,

I complete understand feeling they way you describe.

You have a good plan for yourself today -- watch tv and listen to the rain.

Going to AA was a good idea --- can you go more often so you can touch base sort of?

There might be other groups you can join:

nami.org -- National Alliance on Mental Illness

http://www.dbsalliance.org -- Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

meetup.org

other groups that are close to you?

A lot of us with bipolar suffer from lack of sleep.
Tell us about your meds if you want. We might have some ideas.

M

Meds
 

Mari,

Thanks. I am on Lamictal, trazadone, depakote and buspar.

Thanks for the resources.

Hi,

Do you think Buspar works? My pdoc said that he only uses it for addicts who apparently cannot handle better meds.

http://www.medicinenet.com/buspirone/article.htm

Do you feel that Trazadone is helping a little with sleep?

M

Hi Hilary

I like your plan for tv and rain-listening also. i have always loved the sound of rain personally.

the mess is temporary you will get on top of it when you are ready. sounds like you need a good bit of rest. i'm glad you have such a good group of understanding folk in the AA group.

i hope you manage to have coffee with the guy you met that you may have coffee with who also has TBI w/PTSD and a service dog, and that you can learn some stuff. without weird fraternization complications. darn that stuff. arghh.

don't really know what else to say besides say it seems to me you are doing the best you can. and even then, i too know how it is to feel like one is slowly going nuts, or being a smidgeon from nuts.

docs tell me that the people who are "REALLY" nuts are those who are completely convinced that they are completely sane, and it is our own very doubts about losing sanity that keep us on the sane side. if that is at all reassuring.

how is Trip's sore? has it healed up? any changes?

sending many hugs. :hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

I feel for you....maybe yo99u can meet with him in a neutral place and not be fraternizing like you fear. I have prior military experience so know your dilemma.
take care.
bizi

Thanks
 

Thank you for the support. I am not sure about the buspar, I think it does help but when I get this stressed nothing helps. I took an ambien last night and went to bed from 9-4. I feel better. I keep getting texts from him that are flirty which I think is silly and it is stressing me out because we agreed that this is not good.

Little Trip's bump was get this....a bug bite! It totally went away. He had them all over his head too. I gave him Benadryl for a couple days and he is fine. A $400, vet bill for a bug bite. I think I am switching vets, not just because of this but they seem more focused on getting money than pet care lately.

Today Trip and I will go for a walk in the rain in the woods and do some cleaning and cook nice dinner. Last night I made Mac and cheese made with gruyere and cheddar cheese. I didn't care for it so I dumped the whole 3 qt baking dish...sad.

You were right, sleep helps, exercise helps, routine helps. I think I will try to get more of all of them.

I am so glad Trip is okay.
Bobby

Hilary

Good luck finding a new Vet if you search for one.

I find it kind of bad they got you so upset, about the thing and did
the testing for a bug bite too. And then it sounds like they didn't
even tell you at the time that was what it was.

When they got the results.

Have a good week.

Donna:hug::grouphug:

I think being in a dark place, being a mess sometimes it's ok... and normal... :o :hug:

Im pretty bad dealing with stress and emotions in general.... so, yeah, Im the sort of person that literally explodes out of what for others is "nothing" you know.... and I cant control myself...and those crisis su ck and yeah, I understand you.... :hug:

Hope you are feeling better today ?

Did the rain help ?? I love rain too...

I got me a glitter lamp and I find looking at it to be pretty relaxing... and when it rains, even better.... Sometimes is the only thing I want to do...

I send you my love.

You are not getting crazy. We love you.