Pain is ruining my life
 

I have nerve damage from a failed spinal fusion and can barely get though the day due to the pain. My husband keeps thinking he is being supportive of me but he always makes a big deal about it if I can't go out with him. He says I never want to be with him or do anything with him. I keep trying to explain that I wish I could do more but I can barely even do my job since the pain is so bad. He keeps making me feel guilty about my health and insists that I don't want to be with him. I feel like he wants to divorce me but doesn't want to be the one responsible for the divorce which is why he is going out of his way to make me feel so bad.

I feel so alone and so depressed. I am doing everything possible to help manage the pain and I am already on antidepressants. It's not enough. I want someone to be there for me and support me and my husband clearly isn't willing to do that. I don't know if I should just give up. I am so limited that I can't see how anyone would want to be with me.

Have you explored the Lidoderm patches? They may work, but they are slow, take a few days to get rolling and best if used everyday. Sometimes they actually turn the nerves off that are overfiring, and that happened to me with my severe MP pain...2 weeks and I hit a remission! Never expected that! Since your pain is in your spine, that is where you will need to use them.

Also a compounded pain cream? These really help with resistant pain states, like RSD and PN, etc. Some people with arthritis use them too.

But yes I do know pain well. I just had a huge flair in my right knee again, which is slowly fading with daily SAMe, a brace and Salonpas relieving gel. Pain drains you, limits you and is mega depressing.

I am sorry you are suffering so. But posting here is why this forum exists so don't hesitate to do so. Many people come here to share their attempts to minimize their pain.

Oh my, I could have written your post.:hug:

Is there a support group in your area? A little face to face time, with people who understand, can make a big difference.

I hear what you're saying about relationship strain. Are there things YOU could suggest as "together" time, that you could manage? For example, a movie night at home or inviting over a couple of friends for a takeout meal?

Do you have swelling at your surgical site? My RMT has been doing lympathic drainage to reduce the fluid around my herniated discs. It builds up, again, but it does give me some relief.

I practically begged two different doctors to prescribe me Lidoderm or something similar but they wouldn't. My L5 nerve was damaged so most of the pain is a burning and stabbing in my foot and the lower part of my leg. I think they refused to prescribe it because if my foot were numb I may be more likely to fall and hurt myself.

I do have a compound cream. It sometimes helps depending how bad it is. I'm trying another epidural shot to see if that helps. The first one help but only for a week. I don't mind the injection that much but I certainly don't want to do it once a week.

The patches do not numb your feet completely. They are
not like an injection. You won't know unless you try them.

They can be very effective when placed correctly. Some experimentation is needed and access to an anatomy diagram
To illustrate nerve paths. It took 3 tries for me to find my sweet
Spot. In your case the lumbar location is pretty obvious.
With MP it is not so straight forward.

I had L4-5 fusion/laminectomy 8 years ago. Have had issues every since. The surgeon said he had never seen such a "red angry nerve". What really set the whole motion was after my bladder surgery (cystocele); the pain from the waist down to the toes 24/7.

I went to a Pain Management doctor recommended by the orthopedic doctor. Did have a series of injections which did not help. Also did a failed Spinal Cord Stimulator. What has helped most of all; unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you look at it is the Oxycontin, Oxycodone (Percocet) for break thru pain, as well as a few other meds. Do take something to help sleep thru the pain at night.

I understand how difficult and guilty pain can make us with especially our loved ones. I Do try, as much as possible, to go out with hubby; even if only for a few hours. He enjoys going out to dinner. It does help both of us. Don't go often tho; but he knows I am trying. Today; even went to the Casino for a few hours with him.

Hopefully your husband is no where near thinking of divorce but just feeling neglected. Hugs:hug: to both of you.


Gerry

I would like to second the idea of compounding cream. I have nerve pain in my face. It can be horrible. When it first happened, I recall one day, screaming and crying for five hours non stop. I spent many days laying still on a couch with a heating pad and either praying or screaming. My neurologist spoke with a compounding pharmacist and they made a cream for me with Gabapentin, Capsaicin, and Lidocaine in it. I also take something by mouth. I have strong medication that I can take for extreme emergency. It took awhile for the cream to really work, but I'm in such a better place now.

I use vitamins D3 and B Complex, plus Fish Oil for depression. It has helped me tremendously. But of course, it is urgent that you get better control of your pain.

Can you and your husband rent a movie and watch it together? My husband I love sitting in front of the TV with a special dinner and watching a movie. You might need some short term counseling. Some therapists might work over the phone.

Please make sure your doctor knows you need much better pain control. Have him or her refer you for that if necessary.

I hear you guys on the getting out thing. I go to the movies and dinner here aand there with my girlfriend and in a few weeks she wants to go on a sailboat ride in the city. I used to walk from 50th street to the ferry now I cant walk down the block. but I will attempt it to make her happy and so she doesn't throw me out lol. I sincerely hope you find relief for you pain and hope your personal issues resolve for the better but we are there for you either way

It doesn`t matter how far you can walk...What does matter is to show your girlfriend that you love her and understand what she goes through too.The only reason I want to leave my boyfriend(who has had severe TBI,35 days medically induced coma etc.)is because he does not to care about me at all anymore.I don`t give a **** how he walks,how he talks,how tired he is as long as I know he feels about me the same way he did.

I know but she lets me know sometimes how she doesn't like my limitations. she gets frustrated. I am sorry about your problems and hope things get better