I want to kill myself **
 

I was a healthy, happy pretty decent kid. All I really cared about was my health and the health of those I love and then I got inflicted with CRPS. Now I can no longer do anything I love to do without feeling pain, frustration, and depression. The area has affected my lower half so I am afraid that I will be sexually dysfunctional the rest of my life.

I just don't' want to live like this. I'm not strong enough. If it was any other affliction it'd be one thing, but a life without sex or feeling good in my own skin is just not what I can put up to bargain.
** I have no other reason to live anymore.

Hi there
I am so sorry you are feeling this way and know there will be others on soon to talk to.

I had to do 2 small edits to your post because of our guidelines on suicidal posts, even here on the SOS forum. I feel deeply for what you are going through, even though I do not know you.
Some things are just very very triggering for others who are also struggling.

Please do try to hold on to hope, even though I know things look so bleak now.
Sometimes a glimmer comes in such unexpected ways

We care
:grouphug:

Hi 310Girl. I'm sorry you are feeling this depressed and wanted to remind you that you aren't alone. Depression is a beast and it takes daily courage to stand up to it. And throw unrelenting pain into the mix...it's a real challenge. Melody Beattie wrote an excellent book, A Reason to Live
I highly recommend it.

Suicide is a hasty choice...and the ultimate act of desperation. Please don't choose it. :grouphug:

310Girl...I've been sort of where you are...in some ways. I know, all too well, that sense of desperation and it's awful. Depression is a horrible, indescribable thing and it robs us of so much...regardless of what causes it. And, in your case; when it's the result of a disease..I think it makes it so hard to understand and deal with.

Please don't do anything to hurt yourself. I don't know you at all, but it would hurt me a lot if you made that choice. I have a disease, too, and I know that I will die naturally. When I've been depressed I've thought of "hurrying it along"...but I don't think I'll do it; I'm just so frustrated by the uncertainty of tomorrow that I get afraid and, like you, I'm not sure I want to go through some of those things. But I can do it and you can, too.

Please keep hanging in there, girl...we can do it! (((hugs)))

I'm really sorry you're feeling so alone and desperate and in so much pain.

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread4982.html
What to do if you are alone and thinking about suicide

.

Hello 310Girl, I know how and what you are feeling. MORE than most people do. I am going to send you a private message with my phone#. I have tried to kill myself 2 times. I also have CRPS/RSD. Please call me or text me. I am a wonderful listener. :hug: Karen

A good point was brought up. HOLD ON! You don't know what tommorrow will bring. I know with my crps I have good days and bad and recently it seems to be a lot of bad with the rainy weather.

We are all here for you and each other and you did a wonderful thing reaching out. Many of us have sat and cried, wishing for death or amputation. (me included) but we all keep hanging on.

I know for me GOD has a plan to use me and my disease. Either to support others like me, to educate, or whatever it will be.

There are many of us here for you so remeber HOLD ON!:grouphug:

I wanted to add, that if your pain is out of control you need to contact your doctor, if you can not reach him, go to the ER.

copied from a previous post i made




TIME FOR AN INSIGHT


16.02.93

I returned to work after breaking my back [2 lower vertebrae discs squashed]
i returned not because i felt 100% healthy, but for monetary reasons, debt, poverty, and the niavity that i could do something in the work place rather than sit at home and earn nothing, urged me to return,

On the day of my return i chose the night before[foolishly] to give up smoking and wore a nicotine patch to work. In i walked with a doctors note stating light duties and a mind full of enthusiasm to get back in the work saddle, i had been off work over 18 months.

upon my return i noticed my former role as foreman had been filled [understandably] but noticed very quickly the Doctors note was not given consideration. I was actually placed on the heaviest job in the factory.
It did not take long for me to wind myself up, and get very angry about the total lack of care or support from my employers and colleagues.

to cut a long story short, i left work stating a further sick note would follow, went home via a pub, consumed a lot of alcohol, and whilst my wife was in bed....practically severed my left hand............


In A+E [ER] I was treated with little sympathy, and was treated very discourteously [in the UK NHS staff see attempted suicide or self harm very poorly....time wasters..........do it properly save us a job of nursing you...attitude


A nurse actual said to me...'the only way too get on in life is to suffer in silence.'.. she was politely saying most people don't give a **** about your problems, they have their own.

I spent 9 days in hospital, my wife visited on the second day but not again...nobody else came...

My wife left our home with our then 10 month old son...her family had told her..... him or us.....

ALLTHOUGH MY FAMILY WERE INFORMED [WELL PARENTS]
NO ONE RANG...OR CONTACTED ME.


2 WEEKS LATER
My wife came home stating she could not understand my reasons but wanted to be with me...........her family remained silent much longer ....mother in law 7 months, brother in law 1 year...two sisters 2 years and father in law 26 months.........................


My father sent me a card saying hang in there after a fortnight
..i had a letter from my mother after three months, telling me to grow up take responsibility for my family and act like a man.

and a brother in law who told me i should have cut my throat and done the whole family a favour......................sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhh



Fifteen years on all my in-laws talk to me.......though not about what happened....it never happened and must not be discussed


My father is now dead.......... my mother...is happy to talk .............but not about emotional issues.........one brother talks if i phone him ..............the other 8 have not been seen or heard from since my fathers funeral in 1996.............


So for those who survive the other spectrum....life is not much easier.....the elephant is not in my room but remains in the rooms of others around me........
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx


today 22./9


310 girl...........6 months ago i started with terrible pains all over.........never went to my doctor..........last week one problem i went to seek help with & diagnosed with TMJ...........my doctor asked about other pain,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,seems i have Fibromyalgia / Chronic fatigue syndrome or Rheumatoid condition..............

18 years ago [7 years ago, three weeks ago] i thought i cant cope that's it..............END OF........

im still here............struggle evey day......battle on............hope and pray it gets better.............every second of the day

my heart goes out to you [please listen to both song links below]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrrdLO8fie0

David:hug:


David
__________________

Hey, DMACK :hug:

Thanks for that! The timing is right right for me to read this again.
:sing: Addy