I'm feeling so guilty...
 

As many of you know, my Mom has been fighting lung cancer since October. She lives with me during the week and stays with my Sis on weekends. I have watched her go from a vivacious, beautiful 83 year old to a shell of a woman. She can barely walk, she is in pain all the time. This past week, she can't eat..living on juices and pain meds. She is miserable! I catch myself praying that she will just go ahead and pass away in her sleep..I don't want her to linger in this condition any longer. I love my Mom dearly and it just breaks my heart to see her like this..but I also feel so bad when I have these thoughts of her just wanting this over with and for her to be out of pain. Anyone been through this and am I wrong to have these feelings?

I know exactly what you mean. I used to feel the same way about my sister. I'd see her.....but it really wasn't "her".....just the body that she used to live in. She was in pain, having zero quality of life and just existing.

I used to feel so guilty for praying and asking the Lord to just please take her. I only wanted her suffering to be over. But I still felt horribly guilty for it.

It's so hard to watch a loved one suffer and know there is nothing you can do to help. One day we will know "why" but for now all we can do is have faith and trust that He is in ultimate control.

You and your Mom are in my prayers. :hug:

My best friend went through this when her DH was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer last July.....She knew in her heart that her DH was not going to make it, as it was far too advanced. It was the most beautiful tribute of her deep affection when she showed that she loved him so much, that she would let him go… I have never admired a person as much as I do her.
Please do not feel guilty for loving your dear Mother so much, that you are willing to let her go. I think that you are showing more love than you can imagine, it is truly a beautiful thing.

Feelings
 

My heart goes out to you just reading about your mom's suffering and your feelings. It is natural for us to have feelings, to have thoughts, to feel lost and not to know how to pray. When someone in our family had been very sick for many years, I felt at a loss and I told a priest I did not know how to pray anymore. He answered: pray for a quick recovery or a happy death.

In your mom's case, the first one is hardly an option so this does not apply to you since you don't have this choice. Your choice now, as I see it, is to leave the date up to God. Think of Love - not time - for Love will be with you always as it will be with your mom. She will have eternal Love when she is finally called by God.

I know that this is not a consolation right now; but it will be.

My parents were living with us while Dad was dying of emphysema. I'd walk into their room in the morning, holding my breath, waiting to see if he was still with us. When I saw that he was, I was relieved...and disappointed. Then I felt guilty for feeling relieved, because he was suffering. And guilty for feeling disappointed, because what a bad daughter to what, wish him gone?? It was a painful, emotional time in so many ways, and even though I KNEW I had no reason to feel guilty, I did anyway. I don't anymore, though.

Blessings, Yes! that's exactly the way I feel every morning or when mom takes a nap...ty my friends for your posts..I knew some of you would understand.

There are roads in life we must travel, we don't choose them. And we can't choose to turn off of them. We travel them with as much grace and mercy as God provides. God determines the beginning and the end. He is the author and finisher. What we determine is the quality of those days left to us. Dearest Kajunbutterfly, you can determine the quality of love, kindness, companionship, opportunity for her to express her thoughts, many things to help her days the same way those things help you when you are feeling bad. And in doing so, when God determines He is going to call her home you will have no regrets over missing any of those opportunities you had in spending with your mother. Many of us just get a call saying 'she's gone'. You have the privilege of sitting in the waiting room of heaven with her. What an honor and a privilege you have been granted. Hold her hand at least once for me, and try to remember you are on hallowed ground.

Don't let your guilt steal your time with her.

May God's ministering Angels surround your home inside and out offering you both comfort. Only God knows the number of her days, make the most of those she has with you!

This was exactly my experience when my Grandma was dying of lung cancer. She was in hospice at my house and it was so hard. There was such a range of conflicting emotions. It's been nearly 2 years since she died and I still feel twinges of guilt. It does ease up day by day and month by month. Hopefully with time, I will get totally past that.

One thing I would totally recommend if you are using hospice is to take them up on the free bereavement services. I didn't and totally regret it. I think I would be in a better place if I had just admitted back then that I needed the help. I was too busy trying to settle her estate and do all the "business" stuff that I wasn't really feeling until later. By then, I was so much of a mess that I just didn't know where to begin.

Hugs :hug: to you. I totally understand how you feel. Your feelings are completely normal and OK.

Dear Cajun
 

Hello, and I do understand those feelings. My father died of throat cancer, and my mother from heart disease. I was with them during their years of decline and kept them out of a nursing home. I had hospice, and there was kindness there. Neithor were denied good meds, to help them. I wanted my folks, both of them to pass on when it happened. They were sick, and truely it is cruel to keep people alive just to suffer. There may be a community center with help for caretakers. Seek help if you can, it will lesson your burden. I never regreted the "hows" of my parents deaths. ginnie