Now I miss my grandmother
 

After posting on the holiday recipe thread, I got pretty sad. I miss my grandmother. She died in 2005 and was the only one that I ever knew as my dad's mom died when I was a year and 1/2 old. My dad's father died the month before I was born. So my mom's parents were all I had.

My grandmother and I were very close. The last time she went into the hospital, she patted my face and told me, while she was crying, that I didn't know what it really meant to love somebody so much that it hurt--and that's how she loved me. Two nights later she went into a coma and she died the next morning.

I haven't been back to her grave yet. It's like not being there makes it not real but I know it is. And I feel bad, too, because I wasn't there as much as I should have been when she was in the nursing home. My grandmother had gotten dementia and while she knew me, she didn't have her memories--she wasn't my grandmother anymore. She was someone else with my grandmother's face and voice. That made it easier when she died as I'd already "buried" my grandmother. But I still miss her.

Her birthday was the day after Christmas. The "armpit of the year" as she would say to have a birthday. But she always had family together for her birthday, which I think was truly a great gift.

Anyway, I'm getting maudlin.

Here's to all those we miss--family and friends alike. To all our happy memories and to those that bring back strong feelings of love and tears of sorrow at the tug it puts on our hearts to not have them in our lives.

:grouphug:

Aw Gaz:hug: I know, what you mean and how you feel I miss my Nana so dearly me and her were best buds, I think about her all the time and will cry when i make xmas cookies, using her old recipes in her writing, she will always be close in your heart no matter whereyou are, now im sad thanks lol just kidding you, I know what you mean, :hug: hope a few :hug: help:hug:

Awwww, what a special relationship you had with your Grandma. So nice.

I raise my glass to your toast to those we'll always miss. *clink*

Both my grandmas lived too far away to really know them well, so you are very lucky, Gazelle.

I know what you mean about dementia and losing someone before they're actually gone. So difficult to visit with them and have to remind them who you are, so don't be so hard yourself for not visiting more often.

I believe we will have the opportunity to see our loved ones again. :hug:

Hey you,
great big hugsssssssssssssssssssssss
love and hugs dear...
and thanks for sharing your grandma...although not to grave site...I am sure you have had her in your heart always!! As my mom would say gravesite is where the body she used is...her heart and soul is in heaven...and you can talk with her at any time any place...hugssss


I am feeling that way at times with my sister passing last month...I miss her dearly...we didnt live close to see each other often...but she was a GREAT sister to all of us...(family of five sisters I am in)

anyhow, I did get to go down two weeks before she passed, and share a moment where we layed together in her bed..talking about many things...sharing some personal stuff...I shared with her that I am honored when her pain stops and she is in the better place that I am honored she will be with my baby girl...(I lost a baby full term 10 years ago) I also have five kids.

ok sorry I went on about me...just sharing with you...loss is hard..no matter how many years...

glad you can share the memories...hugsss,sarah

Sarah, I'm glad you got to see your sister. I was hoping you would get there! I'm sure she understood about being with your baby girl and she's probably holding her now and looking at you and smiling. :):hug:

And no, this isn't really about me..... it's about remembrance no matter when the loss took place.

Gazelle, hugssss you are wonderful...yes I made it down...and had some one on one time....she has always been someone to try to follow in the way she lived her life...and she also showed how to die thru cancer gracefully and strong.....she taught at the college Statistics..up until this past spring....played tennis till this past spring once a week...with a tennis group.....all thru chemo and all.....

she also, has always been such a inspiring mom...to her kids...she is one tough cookie...

the last few weeks, she was up and about....and held out for the Saturday that her daughter had a wedding blessing done at the house. Her daughter was planning quickly a wedding for november once they knew how serious the cancer was.....and she had a dress and a dress for my sister....then they got the worse news that it was closer...

so they had a priest come to the house for a wedding blessing on the couple..although a blessing they did the suit and wedding dress...got my sister all dolled up in her dress...and wow she looked fabulous in the pics...(it was just the family immediate and my parents..and the grooms grandparents)

then my sister passed away just the Monday after that...she was so tough..only down in bed all day the last two days I think....

Our youngest is named after her...well middle name..Madeline...and My sister Madeline was at the birth of Maria madeline...so that was always a touching moment to me...and will cherish that as well.

Thanks for starting a thread about memories...of the ones we love...good idea...the month of November is in memory of month at our church...they have the remembrance book of names...and a big board everyone can put pics of lost loved ones. We have one of my sister on there...and the kids asked me this weekend to add a picture of the baby we lost...thought that was special that the older kids asked that.

hugsss to all...thinking of you...and thinking of your special grandmother...what is her name??? you might have put it...cogfog here..hugsss,sarah

Aww, Gazelle, I'm sorry it conjured up sad memories for you. :( Believe me, I know how you feel. It seems the holidays always bring back memories of those we've lost....good times we've shared with them and that gnawing hurt that only losing someone we love can cause.

I have no easy answers or quick fixes. I just get through it as best I can. It never gets any easier but time does dull the pain a little.

:hug:

It will be 2 yrs for my Grandma in Jan/09, and she was the last of the elders. I only met my other Grandparents once before they died. My dad died when I was 11, Grandpa when I was in my teens, my mom when I was 40, and the last to go was my Grandma.

I was in the start of that infection-TM attack when my Grandma ended up in hospital. I didn't get in to see her for two months, cause I was sick, and it was Xmas time too. When I finally was ok enough to go (early Jan), I called my sister and she told me "Grandma died a week ago". :eek::mad: I couldn't believe they (2 sis') didn't phone and tell me, but they said "oh, I didn't think you cared that much cause you never went to see her this time". Yeah RIGHT!!!

Wenches. :mad:

Anyway, my Grandma and I had a bond that neither of them would ever be able to have with her. I may have missed that last two months, but I kept her out of an old folks home for the last two years, and that's all she wanted. She didn't care if she died alone from a fall, or wasn't found for a month . . . she just wanted her independance.

So, I guess I'm the "oldest" generation now . . . :eek:

Cherie

Cherie, that sounds a lot like my mother. She didn't visit my grandmother except once every 6-8 months or so, maybe. And when I called her to tell her that my grandmother was in the hospital and wasn't expected to make it she yelled at me for not telling her my grandmother was in the hospital. :confused: I told her that my grandmother had been in and out of the hospital many times that I hadn't told her about and that I had said that I was going to only tell her when I knew my grandmother was not going to make it. I told her she was an adult and could pick up the phone and check on my grandmother just as easily as I could and that it was her choice not to do that.

My mother visited my grandmother for 30 minutes--along with my brother--the night before my grandmother died. I was with her until the end holding her hand. I don't regret that.

You couldn't help the TM attack and that was a terrible thing that your family did to you--not telling you. But no one can take away your memories or the bond that you had with your grandmother. My mother couldn't touch them either. In the end, they lost out--not us.

:hug:

I'm feeling your pain Gaz.

My own mom died when I was in my early twenties, and that was followed a few years later by the death of my dad. I then became closer to my grandparents, even though I was no longer a child.

My father's parent's both had died when I was young, but my mom's parents were both still alive when my mother died. I cant even imagine the pain they must have gone through knowing their daughter had passed away while they were still living. My mom was the first person to ascend into Heaven in that family. My grandfather died at 85 and my grandmother passed away when she was 94.

Now days I give all the love to my mother's sister that I would have given to my mother or my grandmother, had either been alive. I love my aunt dearly and she's filled a gap that both those special ladies left in my heart. She is not a substitute though.... she is a special lady in her own light, and I love her dearly. It just means that I have more love to give her now!