I hate my thyroid & want it gone! I also want to die!
 

Hi, everybody:

I found, on the Internet, an online American company willing to send me some 50 mcg Synthroid (a few months' supply at a time). Normally, this company does not accept to send medications to French Polynesia, but they decided to make an exception for me because I suffer sooo, sooo much from my horrible, unbearable thyroiditis symptoms (also called hypothyroidism of Hashimoto's). This American company is sooo, sooo kind to do this for me, but...

Since I live in French Polynesia (I have an American Legal Permanent Residency Card, called Green Card), I contacted the French customs in French Polynesia. The customs woman who took my call told me I needed a certificate from the Ministry of Health to be able to import some medication in French Polynesia, even though I am in a special situation. I am not a pharmacy owner trying to order a ton of medications to sell in her pharmacy; I am just a thyroid patient who cannot stand her unbearable, horrible symptoms anymore. I do not get any valuable help from any doctor in French Polynesia for my thyroid. This is it; my patience has reached its limits.

I gave my thyroid story in more details here:

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread159141.html

I also gave another part of my thyroid story in more details there:

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread159891.html

*edit*

I hate, I HATE, I HAAATE my thyroid sooo, sooo much! Never in the world have I hated something as much as my d*** thyroid. I want it removed, so doctors will be obliged to give me Synthroid in the right dosage. *edit*

French Polynesia is pure hell, not just for me and the people who go through my situation. So, so many tourists get attacked, robbed, or raped there. *edit* Is that a paradise! If you do not believe me, you can check that on the Internet. If that is a paradise, where is hell!

I'm sorry you are in such distress, Kitty and I wish I could be of some help.

Re: don't leave please
 

please don't leave us. I know your pain. I can feel you and I am praying for you. I get despondent too, to the point where you are at. I have nodes too, cervical issues, dental issues, emtional issues, issues with a horrible family. I found a family right here that are there for me. Let us offer you some hope and help. please post and talk to us. You will find compassion and hope, and maybe some direction so you don't have to suffer with your medical condition. I hate my thyroid too, my son had thyroid cancer. I face the same issues. There are ways to get your medicine, and someone on this site may be able to help you. Allow me to talk to you, I won't abandon you. Do not leave this earth yet. Life is precious and there are reasons for continuing on. I am in pain too, yet I find those small reasons to keep trucking along. private a post, I will listen. You are in my thoughts and prayers. You are not alone in suffering. ginnie:hug::hug::hug:

Hi, barbo:

Your writing a little message shows you care. No one in my family and coworkers cares. *edit*

Re: yes I care
 

yes I care and so will others. Yes the next life will be better. I have no doubt. Don't be in a hurry to see the next life yet. See what developes with your medications, and lets some people try to help you figure things out. There is hope, and love yet in this world. Not everything is bad. Why won't your doctors take out your thyroid and just put you on that medication? if you are hurting that much, can't you ask him too?, or find a doctor who will listen to you? Somebody will take an interest, if you squack loud enough. the squeeky wheel gets the greese. Start making a hissy fit about it to your doctor, and don't let them give you the run around. There has to be some help there. Tell your doctors you are feeling this way, and demand to be listened to. ginnie

Hi, ginnie:

I do not want to leave you; you are all kind, loving, and wonderful people. All I want is to leave my health conditions (lately thyroiditis, after generalized internal chronic RSD, after epilepsy, after asthma, etc.) The only way I can find to leave these health conditions is to die. *edit*

My family and coworkers do not care about me and my problems. I try to talk to them and all I get is to be judged and rejected.

My thyroid is bothering me with its unbearable and horrible symptoms 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. No peace. There is a competition between my thyroid dosorder and my RSD. Who will get the gold medal for the day?!

Some people in the other thread (links posted in the first message) claim the Synthroid will take effect in a month. I cannot suffer 24 hours X 30 days = 720 hours. Maybe these people do not suffer as horribly as I am because they do not have the RSD on top of their thyroid problems. Maybe these people even think I am exxagerating. Who knows!!!

I am not going to say I am glad you hate your thyroid. I do not want to hate my thyroid; I just want to hate my thyroiditis, especially because doctors in French Polynesia, who have the power to help me, refuse to prescribe me the correct dosage for me (50 mcg daily at least). 25 mcg daily is such a ridiculously low and ineffective dosage I wonder why I even take it. I have been taking it for almost a month, and still no effect.

Quote: "There are ways to get your medicine, and someone on this site may be able to help you." Unless someone came here in vacation, I do not see how to avoid French customs finding and seizing the medication. I thought about contacting the media, but I thought they would not care about me. My case is not important enough and I am not a personality.

I hate my thyroid, but I also hate my life, which I cannot even call a "life". My life is worth nothing and I am worth nothing.

Thanks for your kindness and understanding.

Hi, ginnie:

Quote: "Why won't your doctors take out your thyroid and just put you on that medication?"

I am not sure if you clicked on the two links that I posted in my first message in this thread. These messages show what happened with my doctors (the endocrinologist and the primary care physician) so you can maybe understand my situation better. I had to beg my primary care doctor to even get the 25 mcg dosage of Synthroid, which I now know is totally ineffective. I am sure the 50 mcg dosage would be more helpful, as I explained in one of my messages in the Auto Immune Disorder thread. Will increasing the fentanyl dosage help? Of course, he will not accept to do this either. I do not know if it is normal my thyroiditis causes increased neck pain. I cannot find a doctor willing to help me. I only have my primary care doctor or nobody.

Quote: "Somebody will take an interest, if you squack loud enough." This is what I did at the endocrinologist's and he did not care or even look at me. I was invisible to him. I believe I will NEVER, EVER trust a doctor again, anywhere in the world. What happened with my thyroid destroyed my trust in any doctors.

Thanks, ginnie, for being the person you are. People are lucky to have someone like you in their lives.

Hi Kittycapucine - :hug:
Please tell a family member or a friend how you are feeling right now... and please think about them should you chose to leave... reach out to your hospital - go and tell them you need help. You can do it... your friends and your family are worth it.
I pray you can get the help you need... please go to the hospital.
:smileypray: Addy

Just wanted to leave you a gentle hug this morning Kitty ((Kitty)) and offer up a prayer for your two year old child. :hug:

Re: don't give up
 

I know you said you will never trust a doctor again. I would seek out another one and try again. Not all doctors will consider you invisable. Not all doctors are bad. Had you considered walking into an emergency room and explain about your RSD and the thyroid sufferings? What about going to the newspaper and try to get your story out there. There has to be some help somewhere for your suffering.
Believe me, sometimes I don't want to go on eithor. I get so depressed I cannot do anything at all. I too feel like giving up and chucking it all in. Yet briefly there will come some little bit of joy into life that will let me know all is not lost. May I ask your age? I am 60, and tomorrow I loose two teeth, because I cannot afford anything else, and haven't been able to for quite sometime. I live on the edge, and suffer as my family abandoned me. I do know those feelings you have. I come back to neruo talk, and someone responds to my heart, and gives me the little nudge I need to keep on going. Do you live near a big city, where there may be more doctors to choose from? How many have you tried to contact with your situation? keep writing back to me. ginnie