NeuroTalk Support Groups - The People You Leave Behind

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- - The People You Leave Behind (https://www.neurotalk.org/survivors-of-suicide/14340-people-leave.html)

The People You Leave Behind

"What if I killed myself?"

Some people might argue that talking about what happens to the people you leave behind if you kill yourself may invoke more guilt in you than you can handle. I don't believe this is true. What I do believe is that if you intend to take your own life, then you ought to know, as much as is possible, what all the consequences of such an act are, including the likely consequences to others if you succeed.

Who are the others? They are your parents, your brothers and sisters, cousins, aunts and uncles, friends and loved ones, the people at school, the people at work - literally everyone who knows you. Because no other word describes them as well, the professionals in my field have chosen to call these people victims. Survivors of suicide, they are victims because, to one degree or another, they will suffer because you have suicided. Some of them will need love and understanding to recover from the tragedy of your death. The closer they are to you, the more they will suffer. And none will suffer more than your family.

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Suicide, The Forever Decision by Paul G. Quinnett

thank you alffe. :hug:

suicide also effects future generations.

Thank you for this Alffe. :hug: I think it's always in your mind but sometimes it's different if the tables are turned and your loved ones have passed before you. You always wonder why now. It reminds me of the old saying or poem "If Tears Could Build a Stairway".

Quote:

If tears could build a stairway
And memory’s a lane
I'd walk right up to heaven
And bring you home again

But I know that's not going to happen. :(

WHY is the 64,000 question that could drive most of us insane trying to figure out....I'll never know that answer.

We have remained friends with our previous Pastor and he shares his wise councel with me when I'm in need..and I listen real hard when he is in pain.

I know it's called acceptance and it's really hard to get there. I know it's also called forgiveness and some things seem unforgivable. There is no explaining the death of an 8 year old child following routine surgery (an adnoidectomy)..but it happened and my daughter picked herself up and continued to live when I'm sure she had no desire to do so.

We are about to lose a dear friend who is going to be a tough act to follow due to his courage through this long struggle. His wife and I had a conversation about him having the time to say goodbye...to tell everyone how much they mean to him and that he loves all of us. His wife assured me that having this time together makes it no easier than if he had died unexpectedly.

So I'll repeat the words Pastor Dan said to me from Frederick Buechners book, The Longing for Home...The world floods in on all of us. It can be kind and it can be cruel. It can be beautiful and it can be appalling. It can give us good reason to hope and good reason to give up all hope. It can strengthen our faith in a loving God, and it can decimate our faith. In our lives in the world, the temptation is always to go where the world takes us, to drift with whatever current happens to be running the strongest."

Ahhhh sweet mystery of life....

((Alffe)) Thanks once again for your wise words.

Quote:

His wife assured me that having this time together makes it no easier than if he had died unexpectedly.

I have to agree with her on that one a thousand per cent.

I've seen both. The unexpected death and the long haul of sickness. I never ever wanna go through that long haul again.

We have a friend who has a large sarcoma mass at the base of his tailbone. He was misdiagnosed for some time and in extreme pain. He just went through a series of chemo to reduce the size of the mass so they could operate at Mayo in Rochester. They just found out that the mass didn't get bigger, but it also didn't get any smaller, so they have to go back to Mayo to find out what next.

Suffering with someone you love for months on end emotionally and physically takes such a huge toll. :(

I'm so sorry about your friend ((Alffe)).

:hug: Alffe I'm so sorry about your friend and your daughter. I never knew.

Acceptance is hard, grieving is hard and I know it takes time. Maybe if I had time to say goodbye to my mom but I didn't. She wasn't feeling well so I stopped on my way to work to see if she was okay. She was missing my dad so much and I know she felt alone at times. But neighbors were spending time with her and helping her through this. And then I got the call that she was in the ER. By the time I got there she was gone. I never had time. Time is so precious and I should have made time to stay with her that day.

My mom must have been very special to God. :) I wanted her to stay here with me but it wasn't my decision. It was her time. And she made time. And I didn't.

I agree BJ, that your mom must have been a very special person...I know that her daughter is. :hug:

Every family that I know who had someone who killed themselves (4) seems to me that they have moved on. I'm sure it will always be there for them but they do move on and can lead productive lives. In today's society that is becoming the norm it seems for every family to have a loved one who killed themselves. It doesn't even shock the kids anymore.

They indeed move on Sadeyes....they survive it. The growing #'s of suicides is alarming...indicitive of what I am not sure. I'm sorry you know so many who have gone thru this. :hug:

I'm just very impressed with anyone that has survived the suicide of someone close to them.

Big hugs for all.