Momma's Daily Insight...2/9 Friends and Foes
 

Well, since this the first one for our new neighborhood, I think it should be about friends...can't have too many. Someone told me once that if you can count on one hand your true friends, you're one lucky human. lol


How many times do we stop to consider just how many friends we have, or foes for that matter? Sometimes I believe we can take friendships for granted, that people will always be there, we take it as fact, without giving a second thought. The question is not how many friends one has, but more, what kind of friend one is to another.

Does one expect a friend to drop everything just because we pick up the phone and call to chat or ask a request. Does one respect that the person one calls might be having a difficult time and can't grant the request? The person might not even say why they can't do what was asked, they might just say, I'm sorry, I can't right now. How many times does one get "bent" because we expect them to say, ok, be right over.

To have good friends, one has to be a good friend. One doesn't necessarily have to be the 'whipping boy' or the 'chaffeur' to be a good friend. Have you considered what it really takes to be a good friend? Have you considered what it takes to be a foe?

A friend should and will accept you as you are, through the good times and the worse. A friend should not be made to feel obligated or guilty when you don't get what you want from the relationship. A friend should be comfortable telling you that the red lipstick or the green tie does not look good on you, without a tantrum following. A friend should be able to not dread to see your name on caller ID. They should not wonder if they are going to be yelled at or incriminated for some inconsequential thing that happened. A friend will forgive all these things, but then why should they have to forgive what one takes for granted?


So what does it take to be a friend...simple, a human being that is considerate to those around them. A human being that understands that not everyone is the same and each is unique, special and deserving the same as you. A person that realizes that the relationsip will have its ups and downs but is worth holding on with both hands as tight as possible.

If you think friends come and go like yesterday's paper, you are right...not in the sense you think, however. Friends die, move away, get mad and never speak again. Friends are precious and the longer the friendship, the more special. I have a friend that has been my friend for almost 50 years. We have had a few downs, but mostly we have been there when the other needed us. We live less than ten miles from each other and see each other maybe every three months or so. That doesn't matter, what matters is, that if I needed her or she me...we are there for each other. I can truly say we have never taken our friendship for granted. Even when she didn't think it was MS (she has MS) and believed the doctor when he said it. She realized he was wrong when he told her, my case is complicated, we never discuss it...we have no need, we are friends. We forgive, and we move on.

So think of what a friend is and should be...ask yourself, are you the kind of friend you prefer or the foe of friendship. If I answer honestly...I think I could be a better friend to those I do know, take more time to be considerate. I think I could visit my elderly friends more, it only takes 15 minutes at least twice a month. I could be more considerate when calling friends, and not be insistant they call right back. After all, they might have some heavy duty issues they're dealing with at the moment. Having a friend, means being the kind of friend you already have...and then you will have quite a few.

Momma Sez...

When your porch is too small to hold all your friends...buy some lumbar, call a contractor and add more chairs.

Thank you Momma.

I needed this right now. :hug:

Momma,

Thank you so much for this. I believe it says it all. We're all in such a rush that we expect everyone else to drop what they're doing and really don't consider that they have just as much to be in a rush about as we do - sometimes even more.

I'm coming to know people on the boards and am beginning to develop friendships here that I really don't want to see disappear. But it's also shown me that I've let several old friendships fall by the wayside because of distance and time.

So again, I thank you for this because it has made me stop and reflect about what I actually give to and be as a friend to others. I think I need to go buy some lumber and nails now... :hug: :grouphug: :hug:

:Thanx:

OHHHH Momma......I wanna give you a huge hug...........

Some times its hard to tell friends when things they do annoy or even hurt you. Its eaiser to just not say anything because you know it will be hurtful to that person. Sometimes its hard to be a friend with someone who is overpowering, jealious, bossy and controlling.....but it gets hard to deal with, harder to accecpt and let "slide by"....
Its hard beacuse its not always that way...but tends to go that way much of the time. Those actions start to overshadow the laughes and the sometimes needed lectures and the fun stuff....dreading how everysingle conversation will become a battle of the wills...weather my own thought and descisions are coreect for me or if hers are the "ONLY" way.

Then what does one do? other then stay slilent and distant and turn away? What can one do?
sometimes these issues alone make us foes instead of friends......

FFM...if this person is truly your friend, she will understand that you are an adult able to make your decisions. That when you ask for advice or opinions it doesn't mean that you will do or act the same as she. If this were my friend I would say: I know that when you are so demanding that I do this or act in the way that you would. You are thinking of me, but I am different and my decisions are going to be different. I don't need to be controlled and I surely don't need to be in a battle of the wills and neither do you. We have to learn to give and take in a relationship. When you say something that hurts my feelings or makes me uncomfortable, I am going to tell you...for the reason we are friends and I don't want to lose such a valuable one because I stay quiet and feelings build up. I also realize that what I've said might make you mad...but is it worth losing a good friendship?

However, you didn't ask my advice and I understand it is YOUR decision on how to handle this relationship, but I do wish you the best. I have been through the same thing over and over...now I speak up if I don't want to do something. Otherwise...I'd be in another state right now with someone I really didn't want to go with. lol

1998 and '99 were a disaster for me.

I lost my two closest friends, one to breast cancer, and one to leukemia and brain tumors.

and my mother passed away after a massive stroke and lung cancer.

those were the three people I kept in touch with daily, through thick or thin, helped them move house, care for their kids, and helped them through divorce and illness with emotional support, and 3 years of live-in hospice care for my mom.

I was very close to both of those friends for over 15 years, and with my mom for 12 (since she got sober) and they all did much for me, going through my years of "limboland" and single parenthood, giving untold amounts of help with problems.

my friends and I all worked together to refurbish an old building, and turn it into a small private school, and saw four of our children graduate together...

since then, I must admit... I have kept my friendships sort of shallow, never letting anyone get that close again, because the pain of loss was too great.

but after reading your post Momma, I will try to BE a better friend, and start letting friendships blossom, instead of being so stand-offish.

thanks for the *poke* Momma!

:Poke::Tip-Hat::Poke:

Thanks Momma, why is it you always seem to do Daily Insights on just the right subject... you certainly are a wonderful momma to us all! :hug:

I too have a very good friend, we have been friends for over 30 years now. We call or see each other every 3 or 4 months but if one of us needs each other in the mean time we are there for each other. We used to have a pac when we were in high school - if we were out with friends and got into a fight (cause we always did) we always made sure the other made it home safe and were again best friends! Always have been always will be.

FFM, I agree with Momma if this person is truly your friend she/he will be able to understand and accept your choice. You are a pretty smart adult, you know in your heart what is right and what you need. FFM needs to think of FFM! :hug:

Thanks Momma! Can I have a cookie now? :rolleyes:

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LOL, Char, I'm pretty sure that FFM's friend got the message loud and clear. Shoot fire, there's nothing that says, "you suck!" quite like a good, old-fashioned, public lynching!

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I always enjoy your common sense and down to earth way of saying things. Simple eloquence. always enlightening and thought provoking.

Funnuy too that you picked this topic, because I was just going to pick up the phone and call my best friend.

This woman and I would seem to anybody else too different to even be friends, much less be like sisters for almost 35 years. But we're alike in the ways that count. We've been known to go years without talking - not due to a falling out, just life getting in the way - only to pick up right where we left off. And other times, we can't go a day without a call or 5 emails.

:D

She could pick out the perfect handbag for me, and I know where she buys her bathroom ensembles, and which style and color. Our husbands don't even know these things about us.

I have a lot of other friends too, some I couldn't tell you their kids' names. That doesn't mean I don't care too much. Just that I don't know them as well yet.

All of these people bring something to my life, and I wonder what I have to offer them. But then, I look at my dog Rudy. He had a rough life. But he came to me wide open, ready to try to trust and open to love. Always by my side. Not much he can do but be there, be goofy. That's all I ask (that, and NO peeing on the floor :p). And he's one of the best friends I ever had.

So if I can be half the friend my dog is... I can be there, be goofy, maybe cheer somebody up. That's all I would ask of my friends.

A simple thing like that makes the world a lot better.

And no peeing on the floor., please.:D

I'm sure hat you are not as old as I am, Momma, but wiser in many ways..:hug: Thanks.