heartbroken for my brother and sil
 

Hi,
My little brother married a women with kids (basically grown now). Each of member of his instant family had/has medical problems. He is their physical care taker. And he does the worrying for all of them.

I feel sorry for him.
The family is in a new state of crisis at the moment so I called him today and reminded him to take care of himself, blah, blah, blah.

We talk infrequently.
He and the sil will be vacationing a few hours from me in August, but I am pretty sure that I am not going to visit them -- for many reasons, mostly because of work.

I'm sad for my brother.
I wonder how we end up in the lives that we live.
How do we get here?


M.

YOur brother is a good man!

I am glad to hear that they get to take a vacation....

Could you and your hubby take one too?
maybe you could rent a beach villa....:)
bizi

Give that brother of yours a hug and tell him he's wonderful. I am sure he wouldn't be where he is if he didn't want to be. Don't feel bad for him. I always wonder why people feel bad for caregivers. We do what we do because we can and want to out of love. It's as simple as that. Hugs.

Thanks, Sandy,

I worry about him. But maybe that says more about me than about him.
I have not been able to "warm up" to my sil.

My brother is a happy-type.
He likes to fish. Also to cook. Also, he loves to tell stories and make people laugh.

M.

Awwww, sounds like he's a good guy. I have a SIL I haven't warmed up to as well. You just love him and wish the best you know? In the end if he's happy that's all that matters.

Mari

I can totally relate from both sides of this.

One I've been married to my husband for over 25 years. My MIL disowned, him, wouldn't talk to me, and much more when we first got married. Just
because he married me.

But he loved her, and he wanted to be part of the family, I didn't let him give up on that part of his family. And I never stayed home when he went to see her and his dad. Then when we moved even closer, I did even more visiting
because he did. By then it was a few more years, the only real change at first was she had slipped and acknowledged me as a person. So I had a name, and was a person. My kids were still only his. Till a few years later,
when she started siding with me in the fights about them.

And know she lives next door, and I too do things for her. But never will I be
her favorite daughter in law. I used to think I'd never even be reckonized as
one. But I've received a card or two with the title. And I am noted as such
to strangers, but she still at times thinks more highly of a ex daughter in law, of my BIL's first wife than me. But mainly because she was a farmers wife,
and that is so close to the same as my mother in law.

Know my one like daughter in law, doesn't warm up to me. Doesn't really like
me. Its not mutual, I think very highly of her because she has made my son that was the hardest to raise happy. And has made a good mother for my
grandson. But I can't get her to do things with me. And I know that more
than anything she is a loner. But she goes to spend time with my MIL as
a companion once a week. When she wants too, but I'm not allowed to
anymore. So it means that she and my MIL get some kind of connection
I don't have. But that is okay. They are having a bond and I am happy.

She will let me know if she needs my help and she knows that I am here.
She is my husband's favorite and he is her favorite. So I will live with
that.

My other daughter in law like, is some one I relate to a lot. And she
is one my husband is having a hard time understanding. But he is finally
trying. So it takes time sometimes. And patience. But I can tell anyone
sometimes it takes years.

And sometimes it never seems like its going to happen.

Donna

I know you probably have mixed emotions about this Mari but your brother sounds like a fantastic man and I'm sure he wouldn't have it any other way :hug:

Mari, care giving is very rewarding as I cared my my terminally ill neighbor last year. I was my mom's care giver.

Donna, it makes sense what you say and it made me almost wished I would have tried harder with my husband's family. What I went through though however; was more like abuse. Things like being left home alone all day Christmas Eve and Christmas Day so my ex could be with his family because I was too sick to go with him 70 miles away. My in-laws even told me to stay home because they didn't want to catch my cold. Another Christmas I spent 6 hours alone in a cold flooded basement at my ex's mom's house because my mother-in-law made my time upstairs hell. My ex stayed in a warm kitchen with her. Sorry but when I hear about in-laws it brings back some pretty bad memories of my husband's family.

befuddled2

THat sounds awful....
you deserve to be treated well.
Glad that those people are no longer abusing you.
bizi

'
it sounds as if you kids were the adults in childhood and your parents were the kids....at least they produced lovely people even if they don't know how to take care of themselves
Bobby