Until we get it right....
 

Chapter One

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost...I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in...it's a habit...but,
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter Four

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five

I walk down another street.
__________________

(Alffe) thanks for this -- in my confusion, I was not seeing that there may be a different path than back down the deep, dark hole. After 5-6 days of highly unusual energy, optimism, engaging in "normal" activities of leaving the house, going to the store, talking with people on the 'phone and face-to-face (ack!), I was hit with the thought that this entire period may be a fluke, a manic phase. If so, that means my normal must be just down the road.

Yesterday I went to see the dearest lady, a friend of my parents, a beacon of light and love from my small childhood church, the mother I would have chosen -- she said that she was so happy to see me leaving my house, looking healthy, happy. She had come by to see me several times over the months, but I didn't hear her knock -- even if I had, I wouldn't have gone to the door.

Building that solid wall to keep everyone out is a defense mechanism that is destructive and feeds my depression. Isolation can't be healthy. Not seeing another soul for weeks-on-end serves no good, constructive purpose, does it?

I am going to try to find another path, a different street, so that if this current "euphoria" is indeed the mania that is so difficult to not embrace, I perhaps can not return to the same, familiar darkness but rather find some new direction that may be more balanced. Forgive my grammar -- one thought ignites another.

BUT -- awareness may be an essential key. And I do not want to go back "there."

from my *heart,
reyn

You already know my response dearheart....the antidote to depression is to surround yourself with people who care. :hug:

I'm so so happy to hear of your beacon of light...angels come in all sizes and shapes. Please don't go "back there". :hug:

I was just thinking about that story yesterday Ms. Alffe. Thanks for posting it again.

And look who it brought in. (((Reyn)))

Doody:hug:

Alffe:hug:

((Reyn)) It is so wonderful to hear the hope in you :hug: Very inspiring and insightful. It is easy to close ourselves inside the walls we build isn't it? I keep going back to ((Moi's)) thread about windows.... it seems too difficult a task to tear down our walls, but cutting out a window, even if it is tiny at first seems doable and less frightening. I hope you can build many windows ((Reyn)) :hug::hug: