Thank you...
 

I want to thank you for the support and encouragement. One never knows how much it means until one needs to lean for awhile. Although it is extremely difficult to put into words what despair one can experience and it is even more difficult for me. I was told when younger,' Pride goeth before a fall.' I never truly understood until I was a young adult.

I knew that if I didn't get it all out, there would not come even a tiny sliver of peace. I have never told my friends or family what I have written to you, people that I have yet to meet. Yet, you are as precious to me as any family member. I did mention to my SM that I would not commit such an act considering I know what it leaves behind.

I am slowly gaining some sense of normalcy, if that is what it can be called. I had to make some very tough decisions, the despair I felt already added to the overwhelming feelings of just being done. One might not understand the difference between despair and depression. I've had depression for about five years, I can deal with that feeling, I know it will pass eventually, hopefully.

The feeling arising from events happening in one's life can cause such deep darkening despair that even depression looks happy.:) These events seem to overshadow the good, even when good tips the scales more often than not.

I thank you, for your support, your encouragement and for the kind words I received. I made it through the rough time, and I'm sure there will be others, and I will get through those also, because I know all of you are standing there unseen, quietly understanding.

My grandmother will be 101 tomorrow and I will still be here to call and tell her HAPPY BIRTHDAY... you are now officially older than dirt. (its our little joke together)

Now, stop and take five minutes to find something to enjoy...you might have to look extra hard, but it could be something so tiny you have to look hard to appreciate its value. I'm watching this tiny bug crawling across my screen, how huge this space must seem to such a small creature. Yet, it is slowly moving, not giving up...making progress as it goes.

I will be the bug, I will make progress as I go...and I hope that you do also.
Sending you all many:hug::hug:

I'm so glad you're feeling better.

Your grandmother is 101! See, quitting just isn't in your DNA. Eat a big piece of birthday cake for me.

(((COK))) You have a wonderful way with words.

Despair vs depression? Yes, despair is somewhere many of us have been on a few occasions, and it has to be the ultimate worst feeling in the world. It is hard to deal with alone and you know well enough to reach out and grasp whatever help you can, be it a kind word or a hug.

You are an amazing woman! Thank you for sharing with us. :hug: