You know you're a nurse when...
 

Not being a mom, I can't relate to the mom thread...

But I can relate to this !!

You know you're a nurse when...

You believe some patients are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

You recognize that you can’t cure stupid.

You have seen more moons than the Hubbell telescope.

You own at least three pens with the names of prescription
medications or laxatives on them.

You never get into arguments with an idiots because they only
bring you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

You hope there’s a special place in Hell for the inventor of the call bell.

You believe that saying, “It can’t get any worse” causes it to get worse just to show you it can.

You wash your hands before you go to the bathroom.

You’ve ever thought a blood pressure cuff would be an excellent
gift for Christmas.

You’ve ever spent more money on a stethoscope than on a car payment.

The ER is a mixture of can do, can’t do, and why the hell not!

You consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil.

You know it’s a full moon without having to look at the sky.

Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.

You’ve been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form
of birth control.

You KNOW you are a nurse when You believe that all bleeding stops ... eventually.

You find humor in other people's stupidity.

Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.

Your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.

You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants.

You plan your dinner break whilst lavaging an overdose patient.

Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than most computers.

You believe chocolate is a food group.

You have the bladder capacity of five people.

Your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.

You have your weekends off planned for a year in advance.

You believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet isn't it".

You threaten to strangle anyone who even starts to say the "q" word when it is even remotely calm.

You say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers at the grocery store.

You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there".

You think that caffeine should be available in I/V form.

You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.

Your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 hours / days / weeks / months / years)?".

You have ever had a patient control his seizures when offered some food.

Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell??
It took her two weeks to realize she wasn't at work!

You may be a nurse if..... You believe that every patient needs TLC...
Temazepam, Lorazepam and Chlorpromazine.

You believe not all patients are annoying, some are unconscious.

Your kids get their presents in TED stockings and hospital pillowcases.
And their presents are wrapped with Micropore tape.

Almost everything can seem funny ... eventually.

When asked by the doctor what color that patient's diarrhoea was, you
show them your shoes.

Every time you walk you make a jingling noise because of all the keys, scissors and clamps in your pocket.

You use bladder lavage bags to drip water onto your plants when you're
on holiday.

You avoid answering the phone on your day off in case anyone from the hospital is trying to call and beg you to work.

You've been telling stories in a restaurant and made someone at another table throw up.

You notice that you are using even more 4 letter words than you did before you started nursing.

You've seriously considered catheterising your children before a long car journey.

You don't get excited about blood; unless it's your own.

You live by the motto "to be right is only half the battle, to convince the doctor is more difficult"

You've basted your Christmas turkey with a 50ml syringe.

You've told a confused patient that your name was that of your co-worker and to shout if they need help.

Eating crisps out of a clean sick-bowl is perfectly normal.

Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.

You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table on your dinner break and are not embarrassed when you wake up

You avoid unhealthy looking people in the shopping centre for fear that they will drop dead near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.

You throw a farewell buffet for a co-worker and use a bed sheet for a tablecloth and bedpans to hold the nachos.

Your finger has gone into places you never thought possible.

You've seen more penises than any prostitute.

You've sworn to have "Do Not Resuscitate" tattooed on your chest. Soon.

You believe when dealing with people, if it felt good saying it, it was probably the wrong thing to say.

To you the phrase "divide and conquer" means getting two co-workers to help you change the bedsore dressing in the crack of a 400 pound patient.

You ever, secretly, wanted to mix crazy glue into the lube while inserting a foley on a patient that has pulled out three catheters on your shift while restrained.

You no longer have a gag reflex.

You think Real friends help you move dead bodies.


You believe experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong and if nothing has gone wrong, you've obviously don't understand the situation.

So True
 

Being a "nurse" and a "mom" I can relate to both threads!!

I can assure you my kids are the only kids who ever looked at the color of their urine or the color/consistency of their stools or nasal discharge!:eek:

My youngest was away at a football camp and was not permitted to participate one afternoon, because of a severe headache possibly due to dehydration. While on the phone I was quizzing him on how often he was urinating, what color was the urine.....when he replies "MOM, My roommate is here." He called me back later to answer my questions. Turns out his helmet was just a little too tight.

Even though my kids are all grown up, they still talk about the 'odd' conversations we had at the dinner table. DH is a nurse anesthetist, so they got double doses of med-speak!

Not a nurse, but I come from a family of them. (my dad, his late brother, his brother's widow, at least two of my cousins and my dad's father were all nurses) We've also got paramedics and x-ray techs in the mix too. Oh...and my mom was an ambulance attendent in the Army in the 60's. (basically she was an escort for female personnel...no real medical training)

We had interesting conversations at thanksgiving and christmas dinners.

When my MS isnt picking on me, I've been trying to go to school for medical transcription (switching to coding and billing tho) and I had to take medical terminology classes. I was surprised at how much I already knew from just being around all the nurses in the family.

amen to us nurses.
35 yrs of helping save lives and taking abuse.
i once had a surgeon throw something at me in the OR. i walked out.
i was a student at the time. my instructor read me the riot act and took HIS side. umph!

needless to say i went into OB.
and did i mention that my first yr as a student i got a locked male psych ward rotation? i was so naive and innocent and those guys chewed me up and spit me out. needless to say i never went into psychiatry either.

Thanks, these are great..lol Although, some I couldn't relate to as I worked as a charge nurse in a nursing home and a nurse supervisor in a home for the mentally and physically disabled.

So very true, thanks!

I see myself in all of those ideas! :eek:

I was a nurse forever and a day.

You call everybody "honey" or "sweetie" even if they are as mean as a snake, cussing and spitting at you. "awww, honey, Im sorry you are having a bad day. Lets see what we can do to turn this around." Even if you want to bean them with their own bed pan.

thanks for the smile.