How dependent on others are you?
 

I think I'm just feeling sorry for myself today. I haven't been able to drive for years, we live in a very, very small town and I have to depend on my DH to take me everywhere. I am sick of it and want to be normal again and I can't. My kids are not real close and they are busy anyway. We are talking about moving, but he wants to move to waterfront property so he can fish all the time and there is no town there, I think I'm just mad right now, we are retired and have nothing to do, but he likes to fish alot. I just don't know how to handle this right now and need to vent. So what I say probably doesn't make sense right now.

I hear ya, Poochie.. I haven't driven, since my DH died and now I'm alone and get nowhere..grrrrr.

Most of the time that's OK, but like you, I'd like to be normal again and just jump in mah little buggy and go go go..:mad:

I have a Doc's appointment next week and it will be the first time I got out, since my appointment last year..:eek: On the other hand, I'm thankful I have been well all that time.

When you move to a retirement village, it should be a place you both can enjoy....fishing for him and easy for you to scooter around here and there, to visit, shop or just enjoy yourself..:hug:

I'm so sorry Poochie and Sally :hug:. I can still drive on good days but I am dreading the day when that changes. :(. I was just thinking about this the other day because I absolutely hate having to ask for help.

I was thinking that I would love to be able to start some kind of program for mser's that would help with these problems. Isolation is an awful thing for social people. This board helps a lot but it's not a great substitute for a real social life. Sigh. No wonder so many of us are on antidepressants. I swear i'm gonna find a solution once I get my own crazy life straightened out :).

As this point I am not dependent on anyone. But I do not know that there is not anyone I could really depend on if I needed help long term. That is why I will probably end up in assisted living if I reach a point where I can not be independent.

I am also sorry Poochie and sally. While I like my alone time, I do not I could handle that much isolation.

So sorry you're feeling low, Poochie...
it's so difficult when you don't have the means to get around. You definitely need to either be in a place that has transit service, or a city where you can use public transportation. It can't help everything when you can't get around anywhere...:hug:

I hear ya Poochie and Sally. Been stuck in this chair for around four years now and haven't had a car in two.....so it's been about two years since I've been in a store or anywhere except doctor's appointments and in the hospital twice. Thank goodness I found two sisters who come to the house, clean, shop, take me to appointments after a major "wrestle" into the car. Of course I have to pay them. My closest adult kids are about an hour away with one in Arizona. Lately I've been thinking about possibly down-sizing and moving closer to my son and DIL, but that's easier said than done.

Yes, it's really depressing sometimes especially being alone. Been divorced for 19 years (same year as MS diagnosis) which was fine while able to get out and about, but now everyday is a struggle and sometimes it's hard to find a reason to get up and going. I agree with what was said earlier, your retirement should be a shared time with enjoyable things to do for both of you. If you're in an area like me (small town), there isn't any transportation available and not much except Walmart nearby. Isolation is a terrible thing, week after week of no contact other than my two helpers every Wednesday.

Seems like there should be assisted living type places for people who aren't 90 years old and needing a nursing home. Hopefully I'll get there someday, but not yet and that would be even more depressing having to live under those conditions.

It's really a tough situation. Don't know what the answer is, other than that elusive CURE!!! :)

I get what you're saying.

:hug:

Sometimes it feels like they are more dependant on me than I am on them.

:rolleyes:

I still drive, but I have limits as to where and how long. Not because there's something wrong with me, I've always been a weenie like that.

I do not work though, so am dependant in that way. Hate that too. Feels like asking for an allowance, everytime I want something. Have to explain, justify why I'm spending money.

As for you, what the others said is right on. There has to be some happy medium. Some place close enough for him to fish - he does not have to live in a fishing camp, for pete's sake if he can drive.

:p

And yet close enough for you to get around, too. And there ARE places like that.

My dh and I had a similar power struggle with this FL move. He wanted to be off the radar, but I like walking down there, the parks, the beach all that.

We compromised, mostly to his side, but I am not too far from shopping, real close to two really nice state parks, and not too far drive (I can handle) to ocean. And *our* place has enough of what I want and enough of what he wants that neither feels like we're settling for less thatn what will make us happy.

This is huge for us, a compromise. We battle a lot, lol. If we can do it, there is hope for anyone.

:D


I hope you can find something like that too, and maybe with some public transport, so you don't have to rely on him everytime you want to get out. Love that about FL, is set up for older folks. Don't get buses and taxis where I am in OH.

ok, your hubby wants to move, so he can fish. Ask him to help YOU research what is in that town for YOU to do while he is out fishing, other than sit home and wait for his catch to be cleaned. Retirement is a two way street, but too often the women who put in 40 or 50 years of service find that once the hubby retires, the real work begins. He is under foot all day, and needs direction. Hobbies are a good thing, but you need hobbies too. Perhaps living in a small city wont be so bad, so you have a bus line, and he has a short drive to the lake? maybe the taxes will be smaller, and you will have more things at your feet to do, other than sit at home. Even if you chose to sit at home, it would be a choice, and not feel like a sentence.

We moved to the back woods of NH. I expected privacy out here on the lake. What I got was isolation! be careful not to fall for the same trap. Its beautiful out here, but Oct thu April this place is icy cold and dead. Snow by the foot, and nothing but grey skies for months. We have decided to look for other places to go to.

Make sure to sit and tell your hubby how you feel. communication is so important.

I envy Wheelchair Kamikaze, he lives in NY - sidewalks, elevators, food, bagels, pizza, museums and more. We live on a hill in MD, beautiful trees, snakes, etc. but I don't drive, am in a chair, seldom get out, can't wheelchair anywhere except down drive. I loved this house, now can't go upstairs even. It took 9 years of not working 1 in a chair (that year did it) - I'm bored. Never expected this, was so happy and loved my freedom and life until now. MS sucks. Some days DH is te only grownup I see. Next year both kids go off to college. Empty nest and MS!

Oh, thanks all, I was really feeling sorry for myself. Things are better today, I just jumped to conclusions and should have know better, he is very good to me and I am thankful for him. I know he won't take me anywhere I don't want to go.
We will move, but he is looking for a weekend getaway, which sounds okay.
I am very fortunate that I do as good as I do and get around, no more complaints. Thanks for letting me vent.