Calling All Caregivers!
 

http://www.ehow.com/how_5800334_cope-aging-parents.html

I was reading this article on how caregivers can help their family member with a disability or an aging parent. It got me to thinking?

What can we "the person in need" being doing now, along the way, to make our caregivers' life easier, more fullfilling, etc.????

I know, I often wonder, how my husband and children feel about my MS. And what I could do to reassure them or help them. Or what DOES your family member in need already do for you that helps you out SO MUCH!?

We have some WONDERFUL caregivers here at NT. Do any of you have any ideas????

Thank you!:hug:

I clicked on this site because my DH and I are the "overseers" of his parents, who are in independent living. It's been difficult to know how to discuss various issues with them, since they are loathe to give up their independence, even though FIL is blind and has Parkinson's and MIL has Alzheimer's.
This gives me added perspective in terms of MS and how my children regard me. I had to allow my kids to make Thanksgiving dinner this year due to surgery the week before; it was frustrating at best; I have to say I'm an excellent cook and make a mean spread;)
The lack of control was maddening, and I'm fairly healthy, compared to my inlaws. It has given me new perspective on their lives, and I am reading up on how to talk to them and give them autonomy...
MS can be a life teacher...if I let it.

First Day as caregiver
 

My 85 year old mom with a bad heart valve and bad arthritic knees just came home from rehab...

My brother is "In Charge?" and has had to do everything twice due to his poor follow through personality.

I am frustrated because I am a very thorough person and can see three weeks ahead....

I do not know where I fit in to this caregiver role because I had expected the task to be totally in my hands.

Now I pushed out of the way while my mom falls through the cracks...I stepped aside last time and she almost died due to poor management of her health.
I live directly next door to her and care for many animals...I can not let her fall into neglect again.

How do I approach her on this problem when she seems content to rely on a son who is less concerned with her health then control of her checkbook???

helps to laugh
 

dad laughs at my cartoons and we debate the existence of Dog. he gets it.

I love my Olhipie and would do anything for him to make his life easier...however I also need to let him know he is needed also. My 86 year old Mom lives with us as well so I'm doing double time.

Everyday he will ask what he can do to make my life easier? Most of the time I tease and say, "the best thing you can do is stay out the way", he knows I'm joking.

Most of the time I will give him a basket of laundry to fold with me. It's easy and warm and something not to tricky...fold his socks...sometimes I give him a dust rag and have him dust all he can reach. We have a huge library so sometimes I put him in charge of making them look right!

Most of the time when he asks what he can do for him...I answer...love me and be patient with me.

Hope this helps...blessings on those we care so much for!!

http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/j...s/ac6dbca5.jpg

If you his wife, why is the brother in charge? I went thru a simeler situation but went to court, they appointed a Guardian who handled Finances,etc. I took over day to day care, but had NO control over finances. This was for the best - no question of financial gain on my part, fine with me, and I got to take care of my father with no one thinking I had a "Agenda". I loved my dad, he passed peacefully. God be with you - go to court - do not let your brother or anyone else take over the situation.
Blessings
Love and Light
A.

back seat driving
 

one thing my dad could do for me and doesn't is to be less abusive with backseat driving.

he is usually wrong in his instructions as he gets older, and besides, it is a family tradition that getting lost is like exploring. when he is right he denigrates me and when he is wrong he denigrates me. how about not sweating the small stuff?

i know i should be more understanding. it seems like the world he sees is not the same as mine. its hard for me to imagine his shoes.

I understand where you're coming from. Unfortunately the only thing I can suggest is that you do as much as your parent will let you, love them and pray alot! No matter how you slice and dice it, it's a difficult situation and one that more and more people are having to deal with. Have faith. At some point they will realize how important your help is. For now....patience. Best of luck to us all!:hug:

We have an interesting situation in this house. I'm 53, have some minor health issues and work part time; my grandmother (who owns the house) is 97 and still doing pretty well, all things considered -- she often still cooks, and recently made nearly a dozen quarts of vegetable relish, does her own laundry, and generally takes care of her own end of the house; and then there is my youngest daughter, who is 30 and autistic, and has lupus (or something approaching lupus).

Grandma needs a little more help than she'll accept. She's very touchy about keeping her independence. My mother, who lives an hour away, comes here and goes with Grandma to Dr. appointments now because Grandma wouldn't always mention everything that needed to be mentioned, and wouldn't remember everything the Dr. said -- and Grandma didn't really want me going in to the exam room with her! I pretty much just try to be here in case Grandma does need something done, drive her wherever she needs to go, cook if she's not feeling up to it, and so on.

My daughter functions on the level of a three-year-old, having temper tantrums (horrible angry screaming fits) if she isn't feeling well or if she's upset about something. Unfortunately, Grandma seems to have a knack for upsetting her....DD is on a couple of medications and supplements that have helped tremendously but haven't totally eliminated the problem. DD can't read, does talk some but not always clearly, can usually dress herself, but needs assistance with bathing and personal hygiene. Grandma 'babysits' so I can go to my part-time job, but of course she isn't always going to be here to do that, so I have to consider how to manage when that time comes.

What can 'the person in need' do for me in my situation? Well, DD loves me! That's about all I get from her, and it's enough. Grandma not only watches DD so I can get away from the house for a few hours each week, she also allows me to have my dairy goats, chickens, rabbits, and a dog and cat. I wish that she didn't try to micromanage things as though I was still a small child, and sometimes she grumps a lot (probably why DD has issues with her -- she's VERY sensitive to moods and tones of voice), but all in all, we manage to rub along pretty well together. (I told my mother once that I can't think of anyone else in the family who would have been able to tolerate Grandma's bossiness for very long, so I guess it was ordained that I would be the one to take care of her during her final years!)

At this point in time, looking after my daughter and Grandmother is more rewarding than wearing; I suppose that could change as their health changes. I pray that God will give me the strength and good attitude to deal with whatever the future brings.

Kathleen