Compassion
 

I got my SOS Newletter today and there were several excellent articles in it....one written by a Volunteer Facilitator who used the analogy of fog while doing his usual soul searching..(it's a time of year thing that survivors do..*grin)

He quoted Carl Sandburg..."The fog comes on little cat feet. It sits looking over harbor and city on silent haunches and then moves on."

"We are familiar with two metaphors involving the fog. One is the warm and fuzzy cat as a metaphor for the fog, the other is the fog as a metaphor for a confused mental state. Our lost loved ones, if they were in such a fog, were easily disoriented, lost, frightened, and even hopeless. Although we did the best we could at the time, we may not have even been aware they were in a fog."

"Compassion is sometimes an elusive concept. One author I read defined compassion as the ability to enter into someone else's pain without being consumed by it. The fog metaphor gives us and others a possible entrance into the pain of our loved ones. In an unpleasant situation, we will often resort to humor. We sometimes do this as a form of compassion. Other times we use humor rather than exercise compassion. Humor can be our way of alternately acknowledging and denying the unpleasant state, in ourselves and in others. Acknowledging the fog-like state gives it less power over us. When we think we have a choice, it might seem safer to deny than to acknowledge. Denial might appear to do away with the risk of being consumed, but we know it doesn't really keep us safe in the long run.

As survivors, we could say we have been compelled to use compassion when other options have evaporated. Rather than getting angry at others who are not in a similar situation, can we gently (for ourselves as well as them) point the direction for them?"

Author...Dennis Gates SOS Volunteer Facilitator Newletter from Mental Health Center of Dane County

Consider This - "They Died By Suicide"
 

Stigma surrounding suicide remains; although it has lessened over the years. The terms and language used to talk about suicide often continue to contribute to stigma. When we become survivors we may feel that we have little control over many parts of our lives as vulnerability becomes a part of our being. It may feel like stigma engulfs us. References to suicide seem to surround us. We are strongly affected by the words we hear and we may struggle with the words we say.

For those of us who survive (continue to live) after a suicide loss and for those who care about survivors or provide services to them, it is within our power to take small steps to change attitudes. There are options available to reduce stigma.

Throughout history the term "committed suicide" has been used to describe a self-inflicted death. Today the term is outdated. It heightens the stigma attached to suicide and accurate words are available. We think of commiting a crime, committing adultery, committing a multitude of sins. We now know that suicide is the result of an illness, a desperate act to end psychological pain.

The AAS annd AFSP along with other prevention organizations have offered guidelines to the media for the use of language when reporting a suicide. One guideline states, "....it is preferable to describe the deceased as 'having died by suicide,' rather than as 'a suicide', or having 'committed suicide.' The latter two expressions reduce the person to the mode of death or connote criminal or sinful behavior."

.....In your own conversation think of using alternate words which might apply such as "He died by suicide, "He took his own life", "His depression sadly ended in suicide".

When others use the words "committed suicide:, consider, if you have the energy, seeing it as a teachable moment. They can be given a gentle reminder that you feel saying "died by suicide" seems more accurate.

*************by Jeanne Moren (Adams) SOS Volunteer Facilitator in Jan. 2010 SOS Newsletter

Memory
 

Now if I can just remember that!

There was an article in todays paper about Death, and how many family members don't want it mentioned in an obituary!! They will avoid the D word at all costs.....:confused:

They say things like...he was called home, crossed over, left us suddenly, passed over to his reward, returned home, went to sleep peacefully, budded on earth, blossomed in heaven, his spirit has soared off to a new adventure.....and the article suggests that if you feel strongly about this, you write your own obituary while you are still able. :o

So maybe it isn't just suicide, but any death!

Shakes head, climbs on pony, rides around boat....:D

looking for something else and found this....bump

The Cup Analogy
 

"There is a cup of water sitting on a table. It is so full, it is rounded
at the top. One of two drops of water are added to the cup and it spills
over. What caused the water to spill? We want to blame the last one or
two drops, but in an empty cup it would not spill.

It was not the water in the cup prior to the drops being added, because if
left alone, it would not have spilled. It was a combination of all the
drops of water in the cup that came before and the last one or two drops
that caused the water to spill.

In a person's life, the water in the cup is symbolic of all the hurt, pain,
shame, humiliation, and loss not dealt with along the way. The last couple
of drops symbolize the "trigger events", "the last straw", the event or
situation that preceded the final act of taking one's own life. Often we
want to blame the trigger event, but this does not make sense to us.

Like the water, these events all by themselves would not cause someone to
end their life. It is the combination of everything in that person's life
not dealt with and the last one or two things that caused our loved ones to
lose hope.

For us, we must find a way to pour out the water along the way. This may be
through talking it out, writing it out, sometimes yelling it out, whatever
works for you. We must learn to deal with our pain in a way our loved ones
could not.

This analogy does not give us the concrete answer many of us are looking for
but I know it makes sense for me and has been helpful for many survivors.
It allowed me to let go of the search for "why", and to find a different way
of dealing with my pain."



***This explanation came from Iris Bolton, the Executive Director of The Link
Counseling Center in Atlanta, GA,

You bless and inspire
 

Hello my friend Alffe

Thoughts from back then, when darkness filled life space....

mind was crowded beyond capacity
with trash
wanted gone with, well, just me.

Gotta tell ya, that cup which can overflow brought to mind a coping skill for making it through a day. Sharing it here -

Another Day
Mark56 20140407

Offer some to sup
Never know when thirst comes
One may feel as dust
Life rush may be tympanic drums
Just rest for a bit
Take a load off
Forget the fit
Time is now, prayers aloft
Simple care will congeal
Hurried rush gone
Emotions heal
Overfull now half done
Mind find peace
Hurts away
Tamed the beast
Whew, another day.

Hugs for the room and any who need to feel closure on another day successfully..... :grouphug:

"tamed the beast"....so true Mark and talking about the beast always brings Pter to mind

Peters' words regarding suicidal thoughts
As to the thoughts, I will be the first to say they are exhausting and, as I have said previously, they tire us to a point where we honestly believe suicide is the only solution. It is not. BEFRIEND and TALK. These thoughts are a part of you, for better or worse. I believe strongly in a physiological connection with suicidal thoughts. Our fear of the thought stimulates a negative physiological reaction which appears to give the negative thoughts enhanced power over us. Step back for a moment and place yourself in an imaginary situation. You see a child running into a busy roadway...you run quickly to save this child from oncoming cars...feel the reaction rising in your body. The adrenaline pounding throughout your body and brain. Now the rescue is over, you're alone, feel the exhaustion of your body and mind.

You are rescuing yourself daily, hourly, every few minutes. Each thought evokes a physiological reaction with the end result being exhaustion. Befriend this thought. Treat it as you would the child who ran into the pathway of cars. Hold it, talk to it, teach it that there is another way to walk the roads of life. Post it here and allow others to comfort it. Do not be ashamed of it. What is it really but a thought that wants attention. Understand now, I did not say a PERSON who wants attention but a THOUGHT that wants attention from that person. It is the fight against the thought that tires us and makes us vulnerable to enactment of the thought.

I cannot give you a reason to live. I can, however, take away your reason for dying. An untrained unaccepted thought is not justification for death

**********************

Hugs for the room.

It is exhausting indeed!!!! This is from one who has been fighting these thoughts since I was very young (first serious attempt at suicide, I was 12). I still deal with them, it gets to be a habit of thinking when the mind decides there is no other way out of the pain we feel. You have to re-train the mind to see options and also do what Pter says here, it does help. Been away so long... :grouphug: for the room. Fighting again :eek: It can be like a roller coaster ride through life.....everyone has problems to deal with and personal pain, it's how we decide to deal with them :rolleyes:
New job and have to work, I will try to be around some...

another bump and a hope for a better tomorrow for those struggling to live!

And another bump for the cup analogy! :grouphug:

In a person's life, the water in the cup is symbolic of all the hurt, pain, shame, humiliation, and loss not dealt with along the way. The last couple of drops symbolize the "trigger events, the last straw, the event or situation that preceded the final act of taking one's own life. Often we want to blame the trigger event, but this does not make sense to us. Like the water, these events all by themselves would not cause someone to end their life. It is the combination of everything in that person's life not dealt with and the last one or two things that caused our loved ones to lose hope.

For us, we must find a way to pour out the water along the way. This may be through talking it out, writing it out, sometimes yelling it out, whatever works for you. We must learn to deal with our pain in a way our loved ones could not.

This analogy does not give us the concrete answer many of us are looking for,, but I know it made sense for me and has been helpful for many survivors. It allowed me to let go of the search for "why", and to find a different way of dealing with my pain.

National Resource Center for
Suicide Prevention and Aftercare

Link Counseling Center

Hopeful News!
 

Very insightful and full of hope. :D

I agree with this theory. I have been adamant about dealing with matters when they arise, rather than avoiding them while hoping they will go away. I am often met with resistance on this. Yet, I know how important this is to my well-being. Too often, issues don't just go away. The difficulties tend to compound with time. The burdens continue to compound and feel too big.
The cup overflows.

If we understand this, we then know how to limit the burdens, how to keep the cup from becoming so full it overflows. We can help ourselves, and others also feeling overwhelmed, by taking a look at what's already in the cup and managing the contents in a healthier fashion.

Thanks so much, Alffe!:hug:

:grouphug:
DejaVu

Asleep
 

Sometimes we go through life just doing all the motions. Asleep in fact. I was like that in my not so good old days. Staying awake and listening to that little inner light is profoundly awakening. No matter how grinding the days get remember that you can focus on that inner light in all of us and get through it. Recently I heard someone berating a friend of mine because she would not take time off work for some occasion. I had to remind him that her father is dying and she used up her vacation days to say goodbye to him. Another wise friend told me that you never know what someone is going through by looking at their outside. So look inside of them and then you can be truly compassionate. We all have an inner beauty.

Just awesome
 

You my dear beautiful Spirited Woman Mother
Want to say to You
AAAWESOME STUFF
may your days be bright
Thank you for helping me in
the "why"
Even after leaving a letter to us
Still blaming to the very end
Beautiful lady
That's who you became
Love
Me

Whatever the heck is going on
 

Where is the compassion
Where is ones heart when watching a man bleed to death
To hear the child call out to her mother
I'm here for you mommy
If she was five
If just that age
Why
Oh why
To have our fellow humans
Be treated in such an inhuman manner
We are hunting each other
For what
What is the end result of such increadible hateful racist behavior
Why did that child sit and be worried about her mommy
The men are dead
In two days
Just like that
And not any officer to help him not bleed out
What is wrong with the police in this country
I worked along side many of them
For many years
And there is the unspoken behavior
The rules in house
Rather then follow the books
The law as they were taking that test
Then the ones who by putting on the uniform
a change happens
And not for the better
I have heard in certain groups
Especially during my waitress years
And in the end working for my then town of fourty six years
I live in a predominatly Hispanic and dark complex not necessarily black live in fear
My history growing up as a child
Born in South Africa Durban
Exposed to separate ways for the black and white
Nothing has changed
Strip us all of our color
We are human
Here to love and be loved in return
We cannot do that
We are judged by our color
Weight
Smell
Status
Religion
Beliefs
Money
Money
Money
Age
Mental illness
The sick
When the child is born
What does that child need to make it
The love of one another
Will we ever be at a place where love rules
Not hate
But love rules
Where is the compassion
They are born into what is taught
This time I don't think it's going to be that easy
Sadness so deep
Done
Me

Dallas police chief David Brown said it so well at this morning's press conference it was beautiful and heartbreaking ! ❤️