Wow, does anyone have a supportive spouse?
 

Mine is not. He gets mad at the smallest things then says its my falt. HE gets me wondering if I really am crazy and it is my falt? TOnight he was in the freezer pulling stuff out and putting it on the floor, I asked what he was doing and he snapped, "What does it look like I'm doing?" I asked why he talked to me like that and he blew.. I guess he asked if we had any tortillias and I didn't hear him. Then he called me an idiot and I have plumeted into a dispare..I think I need away from him, I just don't know how.

dear Pam
 

that indeed does NOT sound good at all. but it goes well beyond being "unsupportive" and into verbally abusive. HE has a problem. now question is, is it a persistent one, or is this a phase.

is his behavior with you commonplace, or recurrent? Does he drink? What about mental health issues of his own?

Or is this unprecedented behavior on his part? If this is the case, do you think he could be having a tough time with something you don't know of - say, stressing about something at work - and taking it out on you? Again, if this is not a common behavior... perhaps you approach him and try to talk when he is calm?

have you guys ever been in counseling together, or considered it?

(btw, no, i don't have a supportive spouse... i don't have a spouse, period. :cool:)

hang in there. :hug:

~ waves ~

I have to admit we go through stages. But its more that my husband
has problems too that he gets depressed. He also has thoughts that
he can just do what he wants at times. But that is the way he was raised
and I've always known that. So I just deal with life the way I do.

I am just learning to live a different way again, my husband has done a 360
just recently. Its so weird.

Donna

We have been married 33 years. the first 10 were terrible. He was verbally and physically abusive. Then, with church, he became more peacefull. Temper flairups did not escalate to that point but he is scary when he gets mad. He has slowly gotten worse the last year. I don't know if its my diagnosis or the economy(he owns a store that is struggeling) or a combo of the two, but he is to a point now that I feel like I am walking on eggs. He says everything..all fights are my falt, he never appologizes, The verbal abuse is starting again, the name calling etc. I try not to let it hurt me but it does.He is unreasonable and will not EVER see that he plays any part in our problem. I really want to just dissapear and would if not for my grandchildren who I adore..I just don't know how much I can take. I would have to trick him into a counseling session... not sure if he would come to one with me or not. I see a pdoc Monday to discuss meds, maybe I can say something then. As to his own mental issues.. no one can be this mean and be right mentally. I am a little afraid of him.

HIstory sounds like it is repeating itself.
You put up with 10 years of abuse verbally and physically....so now he is doing it again ......no wonder you are feeling afraid.
I feel afraid for you.
Definately talk with your pdoc and then get a tdoc for yourself if you don't have a therapist yet and get some help.
You don't deserve to be treated this way.

keep posting we are listening.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

(((((dogodlvr))))) :hug:

Well, I think that your husband might be having stress problems, or, tired... sometimes I react like that with my mother and, it is not that I dont love her, it is just my... bad and pathetic character... :rolleyes: I think we dont have excuse, but... what seems to be a rude manner or non supportive attitude, might be only, bad mood... due to, several things...

Dont take it personal. Dont pay attention. :hug:

We are here for you.

:grouphug:

Hi,
I wonder if he has been to a medical doc for a check up lately. Lots of things could aggravate the anger.

Can you get him to go back to church since that seemed to work?
Maybe he can get one of the leaders to counsel him.


M.

i second everything Beth has said. actually i would look into getting specific counseling... a domestic violence counselor - for yourself. i can see how you would feel afraid in this situation. like Beth, i feel afraid for you.

as far as Church helping... did something change in that situation... is he still attending? if i do some arithmetic 33 years of marriage of which 10 were bad leaves 22 which were... ??? ok? good? ... until this recent year when you describe his gradual worsening again. but those in between years... just how good did it get? were you still afraid of him?

i ask because it is statistically very unlikely for abusers to change... unless tied to alcohol or drugs where the person makes a successful recovery from the addiction. however, statistics don't tell individual stories. so if the Church made a dramatic difference with your husband, it could again.

Anyway, domestic violence counselors are specifically trained to help with these kinds of issues, and to help you gain insight.

i hope you will be ok... sending prayers. :o

~ waves ~

Please get help.

Donna