So alone...
 

Sometimes it feels good to be alone. With the TV off, with the music off. With all distractions turned off. I was always afraid of silence. Now I embrace it. I want to be alone.

Alone to feel alone. Alone to feel the personal hurt that I feel and don't want to project to my loved-ones. Alone to be able to conquer this myself. Alone to will myself to "get over this" and "suffer through it". Alone to will myself past this beast and be there for my kids and their highschool achievements. Alone to just feel what I feel. To just hurt sometimes. To just feel joyous moments. To just feel...

I want that freedom...

To Just Feel.

Hi Kim,
 

My Dr. told me for a person to be ok with being alone they had to be ok with their self. Like you I relish being alone. I know I'm not alone because of the loved ones in my life but I like being alone.

There are times I want to lock my door and not let anyone in and just enjoy the peace and quiet.

What I have learned to is how to put on a front for my kids. I am most always laughing around them. I don't want to burden them with my pain.

We all have each other here also so we know we are not alone.

Ada

No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never Leave you nor forsake you .Be Strong and Courageous
You will be prosperous and succesfull. Meditate on his Word nite and day,,Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, the Lord your God will be with you where ever you go.
Joshua 1:5-9

Hi Kim, and you deserve that freedom. With this disease, as mothers and wives, etc, we do everything in our power to hide our pain from our loved ones. During the alone time is when we can really hear our inner voice and try to reason with this beast. It is during this time that we can feel what we feel without any judgment or timelines. We can cry, pray, do whatever we need to do to make peace within our body, mind and soul. I believe with every breath I take that I will make peace with this. Fighting it has served me no good, taking care of oneself should be top priority. I will pray for your freedom. For me I would love to just go fishing, I can actually picture me sitting along side the river all day, of course a warm day just fishing.

God Bless, may you have all the freedom and quiet time that you need.

Jeanie

I so understand how you feel, although I don't want to be alone all the time. The over stimulation of just and ordinary day makes me want to fly apart. My alone time is usually now after everyone has gone to bed and the long hot epsom salt baths that I take....everyone in my life is beginning to learn about how sounds, stress, and drama effects me. My 2 year anniversary of this disorder is coming up and my daughter wanted me to celebrate. I don't know why, but she thinks that this disorder has opened a new chapter in my life and I had to have a way to slow down.....I think she's wrong and I will not celebrate RSD. I am getting used to living differently, but until my meds get situated, then I'll celebrate. Solitude is a better word for alone....everyone needs some kind of solitude. :hug:

Thanks, my friend...Needed this.

[QUOTE=Wilbyfree;633453]Hi Kim, and you deserve that freedom. With this disease, as mothers and wives, etc, we do everything in our power to hide our pain from our loved ones. During the alone time is when we can really hear our inner voice and try to reason with this beast. It is during this time that we can feel what we feel without any judgment or timelines. We can cry, pray, do whatever we need to do to make peace within our body, mind and soul. I believe with every breath I take that I will make peace with this. Fighting it has served me no good, taking care of oneself should be top priority. I will pray for your freedom. For me I would love to just go fishing, I can actually picture me sitting along side the river all day, of course a warm day just fishing.

God Bless, may you have all the freedom and quiet time that you need.

Jeanie

Thank you Jeanie.

I want to express my gratitude to you. I, like you, love nothing more than to fish. My Husband is a guide. Eastern Shore of Maryland and Delaware. I love to just be out there on a flat day and see the wonders that we are lucky to behold.

Thank you for this.

Kim

I think people mistake two words for each other. Lonely and alone. We could be in a huge crowd of people that we know and feel very lonely. But we could be by ourselves and be alone and feel contentness with ourselves. I think the problem comes when we choose to be alone by ourselves more than we want to be with people. So alone time is good to gather our thoughts, calm our inner spirit, to pray, and sometimes just to cry at the unfairness of life. So I think embrace your alone time to strenghten yourself for the time that you spend with other people. Society wants everybody so busy all the time, so for someone say they need to be alone they don't know how to handle it. Scripture say "Be still and know that I am God". Christ also went to be by himself t pray and to gather strength in what was coming so we could follow His example and do the same

Thank you, Kim

I really like this post..It is meaningful...You are cauing me to think and I know deep inside that since my RSD..I feel cozy and safe inside while I am alone...it's my chance to think..feel and recharge myself in order to be excited to with others again..I can handle noise, activities and trully appreciate others more after I've had the time to relax and feel...Seems I have to reaquaint myself with my new self every once in awhile, which I am sure you all can relate to this...My illness has changed me, for the good actually I have become so much more appreciative of those free small things..and I need them..I love your fishing idea...if it is okay with you I will wave to you from afar while I sit on my mountain!!

I needed this post...Thank you all!!
Love, Kathy:grouphug:

[QUOTE=kim ames;633474]Hi Kim, and my gratitude goes to you as well. I have to agree with KS, your threads always inspire us and give us an opportunity to go deep within ourselves. I think these things in my head, but I can't say how I feel. You just throw them out there and I think that is great. Now I can throw a heck of a cast, actually last time I went fishing I snagged some guy's waiters, he was on the other side of the river. LOL...he did not find it real funny, he was with his buddies...they all found it funny. Anyhow, I like you too, keep posting your feelings, you have a healing spirit about you, by sharing your thoughts you have touched many hearts, and that is using your pain for the good of all mankind!!

Jeanie