Suicide is different...
 

"Suicide is a different kind of death and only survivors understand. Other kinds of death are treated with sympathy and compassion. Ours is treated with reactions of horror, questions and distancing, blank stares. Our challenge is to mourn without understanding, without knowing why and learning to live without answers.

An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal. I'm not sure that some Mental Health Counselors who have not gone through this would approve. A therapist I know thought there was something very wrong with her client because she was still going to the cemetery six months after her child had died.

Sometimes, when survivors seek professional help, they may be expected to grieve within a neat time frame of one or two years maximum. It does not help to hear that. It might, in fact, put that already vulnerable survivor in yet a more vulnerable position to ask, "What is wrong with me that I'm not getting on like my counselor says I'm supposed to?" As survivors of suicide, we do not fit the models of grief that are found in psychology books. Our grief is life long. Our task is to learn how to live with it and to become able to resume a meaningful life. This will take a very long time, longer for some than others. Being in the physical presence of other survivors has therapeutic value beyond any other way of resolving grief for psychologically healthy people."

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JoAnn Chavez excerpted from Surviving Suicide Newsletter..Spring 2005
published by The American Association of Suiciodology

A Theory: The Accumulation of Pain

In this author's observation, suicidal depression is pain that seems to "accumulate" from many experiences.

While most people find ways to cope with life's common difficulties, the suicidal person - while seemng to move past each setback, loss, and misfortune - continues to carry pain from each trauma with them throughout their lives.

With each new hurt both great and small, a little more pain is added to this tragic cargo until it becomes unbearable.

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author Jeffrey Jackson SOS Handbook for Survivors of Suicide

Doody posting about her deep depression made me reach for Kay Jamison's great book "Night Falls Fast". In the chapter A Half-Stitched Scar -Those Left Behind- she quotes Arnold Toynbee,

"The sting of death is always less sharp for the person who dies than it is for the bereaved survivors. This is the capital fact about the relation between living and dying. There are two parties to the suffering that death inflicts; and, in the apportionment of this suffering, the survivor takes the brunt."

Ms. Alffe...that's just so very true. ((hugs))

Doody, that's why the beast called depression is such a formidable foe...you are in a fight for your very life.

Our dear Pter battled it most of his life...and won.

It's why I have such admiration for people who struggle every day to overcome it. :hug: :grouphug:

It's so true Ms. Alffe. A fight for your life. Dysthymia, chronic depression, is something I remember dealing with since I was a child. But when you start having major traumas, it easily transforms into your first major depressive disorder. And once you've had that, you're likely to have it again, and then again, and then again, and each time seems harder to surmount. Just as you said, traumas, big and small, just keep adding up until the cork pops!

I think that's why so many people with depression land in here from time to time. That major depression is so difficult, but then...you know that all too well my dear friend.

And yes you're right, it is like a fight for your life and that fight is difficult to maintain when you're in the throes of the depression. Add that to any family history of depression and anxiety, suicides and voila.

It's difficult to literally drag yourself to an appointment with a therapist, but I think therapy is a lifesaver. You just have to keep looking until you find that gem of a therapist. And remember there are people who love you. And that everything will be alright. :hug:

I agree with you about therapy being so important and Doody... many of us love you..please remember that. :grouphug:

MANY of us love you Doody :) :hug:

Oh yes,many of us love you.
And some of us is ME!
(((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))))))

I love you all too. :grouphug: