NeuroTalk Support Groups - Momma's Inward Insight...

Hello my sweets, it has been a very long time since I have written an insight, especially a 'self' one.lol I believe we are all flawed, yeah, I know, get past it, you are flawed, sorry, you were not made to be perfect. It is time to stop trying to be, nobody is going to care, that you didn't make your bed. You don't have to let them see the bed...get over it, it ain't that important.

I also know, we all get angry enough to chew up penny nails and spit out sewing pins, yep, we are not perfect...we were not made to be. We are going to get angry whether we have a chronic illness or not, whether we are in pain or not. Yes, I know its hard not to kick the dog, beat the cat and smack the spouse at times, but that is just the way the cookie burns and crumbles...that's what kisses and hugs are for, unless you want to stay angry.

I have found I am more out spoken, if possible, than I was. I don't do as much for friends or family as I did...oh, I will still cook a huge family meal and clean up. I will keep my grandson every time he wants to come, but other things I don't volunteer any longer. I found out I need to take care of me a little bit more and NOT FEEL GUILTY for doing so. I still will mend a shirt, take up a skirt or make jeans into shorts...but on my call not someone else's.

I realize that just because I expect certain things of those around me, doesn't mean I should rant, get bent, and rave because they don't understand. I need to explain it once, maybe twice, and let it go...either they get it or they don't...it really is all about me. lol I can't make them believe a dx when they hear a quack say it isn't so...yeah, well, you want to play doctor...you get to come with me to the doctor. It doesn't matter what others say or believe, you know what the tests results are, what the specialists tell you.

I have to believe that no matter how rough things are, things could be worse, I'm breathing, living each day, enjoying my favorite things when possible and hoping for brighter days. I look for the beauty in nature, like a beautiful yellow butterfly and that it reminds me of Nikkey's dad that she loved and loved her. I look at the blue birds in the yard until my Sheba barks and they fly away, she is just being a dog and I have to smile at her confusion.

I don't have a choice, days of confusion are part of the illness, days of fatique seem to go on forever and slowly things have to be replaced with other activities. That is a choice, not giving up, finding new things each day to replace old favorites.

Recently, I attempted to draw one of my grandsons. It took me over three hours. I sent a copy to my DD, pretty good, who did it? I did, was the reply. The goatee is a little too long was the statement. Its ok, we are not perfect, nothing we do or attempt is going to always turn out perfect. WE WERE NOT MADE PERFECT.

So, live your life for you, not those around you. You will never please those in your life all the time, it is not being selfish to sometimes say no to requests. It is ok to take time for yourself, unless you want a really high stress level and more health problems. It is ok for dust to be under the bed, if you bothers you, put the mattresses directly on the floor...no more dust under them.:)

The absolute is to look inward, if you are satisfied, then you are one of the few. If you are not, think about what needs to be satisfied and set the goal and go for it. My goal is to slow down a little bit, to do more things I do like...and not to beat the dog, kick the cat or hit the spouse with a skillet. One's self is the one in control...even when you live in someone else's world.lol

Like sketching..