too many scary experiences for me
 

I have for this week and a half had some very scary experiences.
I got my head stuck in the subway train door today. The people were trying to help me out by pushing me free and pulling the door open. I reported that train.

Next today I witnessed a two year old mother allowing her child to hit her with his toy. She said like father like son. I told her that you are mom! Just take away the toy. He can not do nothing that way and it is a punishment for misusing his toy. She thanks me then starts smacking the child acrossing hands and grabs him by the arms harshly. She then screams at him in her native tongue and continues beating him. Now I wish I said nothing.

Last week, this Jewish man followed me. I noticed him staring at me across from me on the train. Decided to study and not pay any attention to him. Next time I look up and is standing in front of me. Then he asks where I lived and where I worked and where I was from. I lied the whole conversation. Well when my stop was up and I had to get off the train, He lift his arms up so I could not go anywhere. He blocked me so I could not leave the train in front of a crowded train. I told him to move!
He move and got off the train with me. Then I asked him why he did that? And he said he was sorry. Then he went up stairs as I glared at him. Then he watched me from upstairs. He was waiting to see what train I was getting on so he can follow me again! So I went up stairs and he ran across the station to another set of stairs and went down them and I chased after him at this rate because I was so mad and tired of being so nice. I want to physically harm him. I thought it is about time I show people how truly dangerous I can be when I am threatened. The first person I hurt will be my complete transformation of the new me. I am done with being nice to strangers. I will no longer be vulnerable to manipulation. I will be the manipulator from now on.
Anyways, he got away by jumping on a random train. So I let him go. Well monday this week I was sitting on the train when all of the sudden I see him again. He saw me too because when he walked in he saw me and walked right out and waited for another train. That made me feel good to know that he is afraid of me. He's the victim now. I win.

This is wrong but what can I do?
Sorry if I upset my friends I will not hurt you!

Hi,

Be careful of your head!

Perhaps you are in a place you did not grow up. You are not accustomed to the ways people get around in the big city.
Maybe stay away from people as much as possible until your learn cues better.

I thought that people on the trains often try to ignore other people as much as possible. For example, they don't make eye contact, . .

I suspect this it not true of everyone.

I would have left that woman alone because I feel vulnerable and anxious to start with. I don't have enough energy to deal with strangers. Maybe you are in a similar way right now. In that case, save your emotional energy.


Also, I really really hate when a stranger says something helpful or nice to me. I look at them weird, mumble and move on. I don't want to engage with people. I'm not a weirdo -- I'm not. But I'm having a hard day and I don't want any interaction. Other people I suspect also do not want a complete stranger talking to them. Try leaving people completely a lone for a few weeks and see if things are better.


Do you have any one (female) who can travel with you on a train and give you feedback about how you are sending out signals?

Here is a good book about following your instincts, staying in close touch with yourself:
The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker
http://www.oprah.com/relationships/T...Save-Your-Life

M.

This is a great book!
My dad is friends with the author!
I am sorry that you had these scarey things happen to you.... getting stuck in the door sounds just awful....I am glad that other people helped you!
bizi

Thank you Mari!
I will get the book ASAP! Looking forward to reading it.
I will be more careful.

Hugs

Sharla :)

Sharla, you did have a lot going on didn't you? I hope today was better.

barbara

train incident # 2!
 

So the same train from yesterday did the same thing yesterday but to other people. I am so upset no one can get out or in and adults and childrens hands and arms were closed on. People had to fight to get their arms and hands from the doors. I hope this is just a train malfunction. I can not imagine some train tendant doing this on purpose. I reported this incident to protect the public.



I just got off work. I am looking forward to getting home and hiding in my room for the rest of the day in bed. The warehouse men whistle and holler at me and I am not wearing anything to get that attention. One try to say hi and I just pretend no one is there. I want to call in sick tommorow. I miss Michigan.

:(

Sharla

Sharla
Your last post was much better acting.

I think its a normal reaction for the guys to be whistling and things.

Ignoring them is hard, but good. You did a great job.

I think you will do great.


Donna:grouphug:

Dear Sharla,
Trains might do that even though they are not supposed to.
Keep watching out for yourself.

There is an old Sex in the City episode with Miranda getting fed up with those men. I tried to find it on youtube but could not.

Men do that. It has nothing to do with what you are wearing. You are female. They are in a group and feel extra obnoxious. Ignore them. Practice ignoring them. You will get good at ignoring stuff.

Yes, stay home in your room. Relax tonight.
Be ok.

M.

I feel so stressed. I hope I get used to this madness soon!
Thanks Donna,

Hugs Sharla

I want to have better days. But New York is insane. It is as if I have to hold my breath where ever I go because everything has been intense lately. And I am homesick.
I pray tommorow is better.
Thanks Barbara