the ups and downs
 

rite now i am feeling down again bcuz my mom just made me feel like ****. telling me i look stupid and im acting stupid and im dressed stupid

so that just triggered this feeling of being alone bcuz i dont got en1 to talk to and hopeless and all that horrible stuff.

im confused i dont know when i am "up" if i am just fooling myself and lying to myself. if i am suppressing all the bad stuff and i don't deal with any of it bcuz i really don't have en1 to talk 2.

i know ppl if i tell them...im upset bcuz my mom said something bad to me...they will be like...oooo that's no big deal just get over it. i dont want ppl to think i cant handle criticism because i can. sometimes i become so u know...up that i start trusting ppl and opening myself up and putting myself out there.

but its like when i do i get hurt and it starts all these bad feelings...

does en1 else ever feel this way?

Dear Mel

i am sorry your mother is treating you this way, causing you to feel ashamed.

it is possible she is trying to protect you... if you have been 'up' maybe you are dressing in ways which are unconventional or doing unusual things... she may be trying to point that out, but doing so in a derogatory way.

criticism delivered that way hurts. it doesn't matter if there is good intent or any intent at all - it still hurts. and it is perfectly 'normal' to have negative feelings ensue, and want to be alone. evne if you don't really want to be alone, just to protect yourself from others being mean.

when i am too up i too am more outgoing, and put myself 'out there' - sometimes people are very friendly and other times they seem to get weirded out.

i don't know if when you are up you are suppressing the bad stuff. some people do do it as a defense mechanism, but other just go through up and down moods. either way, it is not a conscious thing.

maybe you could talk here about the things you fear you might be suppressing at times.

i am sorry you are having a hard time. :(:hug::hug:

we are here and can listen.

~ waves ~

Yes the ups and downs are hard to deal with.
If you are getting criticism at home then I would try to find other support systems. Do you have a friend that you can confide in...or an older sibling?
many towns have support groups for people with mental health issues, your local hospital may have a list of sites...our small town does.
There are support groups thru churches too...you don't have to be a member to go to them.
I don't know if you have a therapist but anyway you could get your mother to go with you so that you could talk about your feelings and try to gain her support?
She sure sounds hurtful.
and your anger turned inward is depression.
Don't hurt yourself.
keep posting we are listening.:hug:
bizi

I agree with the others.

We are here and listening.

Donna:grouphug:

I hope you come back.
we are here, we are listening to you.
bizi

Dear Mel...

how are you doing?

we are wondering about you....

hope you will feel like dropping us a note :hug:

~ waves ~