hurting
 

Hi everyone,

Just thought would update everyone quick or I don't know how long this will be.

I am in my apt. and I like being alone, no one to answer to and don't even have to leave if i don't want to except for all my appts. this week. The move went well but one in things got hectic. The cable got screwed up and didn't work for 5 days after I got back and then couldn't get the internet hooked up right, that's my fault though. But anyways am online again.

I went camping and it was ok. Had pretty good weather except for the rain storm that came one night and drenched everyone's tent. My brother basically gave me the riot act while there telling me that I need to get off my butt and get a good job, a career is how he put it and stop worrying our dad. I just sat there and took it. He told me to stop making excuses and that my psychologist can't tell me that she doesn't think I shouldn't get a job, it's not up to her. He told me to find work that will pay for schooling so I can be something. Didn't really need to hear that, cause I already knew/know what a loser I am and how unsuccessful my life is.

While gone a friend of mine died unexpectedly and another friend of mine ended up in the psych unit. I haven't really talked to many or anyone since been back about any of this. I told my dad about my brother and what he had to say. He didn't say much but said he has his own problems which is true.

My brother from my mom's side of family was put in the hospital Sunday because his back went out and now he can't move. The docs don't know what's wrong yet and I am worried about him. I live about 20 min. away but have no vehicle to go see him or be there to see if he needs help. (this is not the brother that I went camping with)

I saw my T today, didn't go well and wanted to just walk out. I was so angry and still am, don't know why I am angry at her or even if I am angry at her. I just know am angry.

Anyways, I am back and just wanted to update u. Not too many good things right now.

Hugs,
jen

Hi Jen

welcome back! :hug:

i'm sorry for the loss of your friend.

i hope your other friend in the psych unit and your brother both get better soon.

as to the brother who read you the riot act, what can i say. those are hard things to hear and spoken by someone who obviously does not understand. true, your T can't tell you you should or should not do, but neither can he. and there is no reason he would know any better than your T. your T is on your side... it doesn't sound like he is. subtract yourself from his judgment. you didn't ask to be ill.

keep posting, we are here.

~ waves ~

wow jen the move and then the camping experience...you survived both!
glad that you have your internet back....you can post here and we will listen to you
(((HUGS))))
bizi

Dear Jen,

Your apartment is a new beginning for you. :)
I am happy you are settling in.

I hope that your brother in the hospital is getting good care. It's ok that you cannot be with him.

Your camping brother is inconsiderate and self-important. Ignore him.

M.

Jen

With all the hectic first, then irritating from the one brother.

Then sad from friends.

Then I imagine you are really upset not being able to see if you can
help the brother.

And then just plan mad because you can be at the T-doc.

I think you handled it well. Keep up the good work

We are here.

Donna:hug:

Thanks everyone for the encouraging words. I really do appreciate everything you have all said and done for me.

I am not feeling well both physically and mentally. Actually am coming down with something so I am trying to just relax and feel better.

I went to my brother's house today...a different brother than the one that said the things camping. He was in the hospital for 4 days because his back went completly out and an ambulance had to come and get him. He is doing better, but my mom and I went to his house and cleaned it and did laundry for him. So that was good.

I am getting a car. My dad has gotten it for me and I am paying him back for it. It's going to be nice to be able to not have to rely on other people for rides anymore. It's a very nice car and we know who the owner was. It's nice I did go see it today and was able to sit in it and will be able to drive it monday.

Well, that is really all for now. Not feeling much like talking and saying much right now.

Hugs,
Jen

Dear Jen,

I don't feel like talking much either, but I do want to post and say hello and that I am thinking of you.

Actually, when I post to you late at night like I am now I hope that you are sleeping.


Enjoy your car and your new place.

M.

That I can identify with.

Also, while handling aggression, tale a decision on the fight or flight mode.
I prefer the flight. Being confrontational destroys my calm - unless it is an issue worth fighting for. Otherwise, nothing is important enough to make oneself feel polluted.

Take care.

Dear Jen

that was good of you and your mom to go and help out your brother! :) i am glad you were able to see him also.

great news about the car... it's awesome not having to depend on others for transportation all the time!

as far as posting - don't feel pressured ... just drop in when you can. take care of yourself, i hope you feel better soon. :hug:

~ waves ~

Hey Jen

just thinking 'boutcha... wondering how you are....

:hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~