Feel Like An Idiot
 

I feel like a complete idiot. Whenever I open up to anyone: In person/on the computer- I get rejected. No, I don't insult people. DH tells me I'm just too brutally honest. He is right. It turns people off.

That is why I have no friends and is why family ignores me. My health: is a complete mess: mentally/physically. Just want to climb in a hole and hide.

You can hid all you want. But its not necessary to hid here.

We are hear to listen.

Donna

Dear Coffeegirl

i don't think you are an idiot.

i remember your post about the "distraction" problems lately... were you able to schedule a neurologist visit?

how have things been?

i am sorry your family doesn't provide the support you need and that you have run into problems online too.

~ waves ~

tell us more, vent write post what ever you want to ....we will listen.
sorry that you are feeling badly....I wish it were easier for you. and don't be so hard on yourself, we did not ask to have mental health issues!
bizi

so many families are not supportive and most people can't deal with the truth and i think there are just a few of us that get upset if we don't hear the truth..you are safe here. please start posting....
bobby

I'm not doing okay. Just called a mental health hotline just so I could vent and ;hysicall talk to someone- not because I'm freaking out- just needed to talk. My therapist is out of town for a week and I can't get in to see my pdoc until Tuesday. No family help. Very, very depressed. Very very depressed. Not pity upon self. Just extremely depressed.

This week I lost four pounds. Not sure if it is due to neuro issues or depression. Yes, I'm currently seeing two different neuros. Regular and a specialist and then going to another specialist sometime late this fall. I'm suppose to have a neurological exam- four hours worth in a few weeks. When I discovered that the test results came back with something wrong last week I freaked out. Then when I read the paperwork last night that the 'memory test' was actually a 'neurological exam'- and looked up what that meant I went off the deep end. Look up what it is. You will understand why I am really upset with why they ordered it and why they did not tell me the truth about my test results/then discovered that there is something 'wrong with me'. Very scared and wondering what is going on.

This past weekend DH accidentally messed up and said my e-mail password outloud in front of some family members. Ironically one- who is at home all day- has been trying CONSTANTLY to get into my e-mail!! I know this because when I sign in it kicks me out telling me that I am not able to get in due to 'error messages of incorrect password and trying numerous times'- LOL!! They think I'm that stupid!!! I've had to change the password numerous times over the week to prevent them from getting in. This really ****** me off.

Dear Coffeegirl

i feel so bad for you. i am sending you some hugs right now. :hug::hug::hug:

i am fortunate in that, although i live in very close quarters with my parents, they are both very respectful of privacy. while i do worry about private things being inadvertently seen, if i leave them out and visible, they would never go through my stuff or purposely pick up an already-open letter, and read it... LET ALONE try to read my email. that is so sad. i am sorry you have to deal with this lack of respect for your space and your privacy.

as for the tests, there are a variety of neurogical examinations... well the initial exam tries to sort out IF there are problems, and subsequent testing is to figure out the degree and scope of the problem. when things are wrong with our head, i've noticed doctors start being very wary of what they tell us and worried about our reactions. most likely, their not telling you was an attempt at protecting you from being scared of preliminary findings which are still probably vague. they sometimes do this with other illnesses, especially where there is an "it could be serious, or it could be really simple" situation - they don't want to scare the person unnecessarily.

i would be very upset too - because i like being told things up front. one of the most upsetting things that happened to me was to be refused psych records. but i guarantee it isn't a form of disrespect, and it's probably not even a question of competence. i am sure they want to have a better idea of what is going on first, so that they can tell you something they are more certain of. you might want to let them know that their not informing you was so upsetting and that you'd prefer to be kept in the loop from now on. because not telling you things is only going to upset you more.

was the help line person helpful? it can make such a difference to hear a comforting voice.

i am so glad you came back to post. please come here and talk to us as often as you like.

:hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

well that was really awful of your dh....and very unsupportive.
I think you should keep your pass word to yourself from now on.
Have your own account if you don't have one yet.
Those exams are frightening, I have had to take them inthe past, they take all day...to document my memory issues from menigitis back when I was in the military. The internet can be a wonderful tool to obtain information, it can also scare us to death.
Be careful what you read and try not to hurry this process. Be mindful of what you spend your energies on be careful to not overwhelm yourself with activities. I would avoid the news at this point, too much stimulus.
keep posting...we are listening.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Coffeegirl, do you also post on an MS forum? There my handle is "newlyb12def."

I had a neuropsych exam done recently. I requested it. I know I have cog. problems, and wasn't surprised by the doc's summary. But I got a copy of the whole report, including an assessment of different functions with ratings. I felt so dejected after seeing how low I rated/scored at certain functions.

I'm trying to focus on my strengths from the report. Basically, the doc found that my cog. problems were due to MS but made worse by fatigue/depression/anxiety. The good news is the things I excelled at are not expected to get worse over time.

You always have friends here. I've found everyone here to be very understanding and supportive. If misunderstandings arise, don't be afraid to clear things up. It's easy to misunderstand the written word, because we can't rely on facial expressions or body language.

((((HUGS)))

-Kay

Coffeegirl

I definately want to ask you to please make sure you ask your doctor
to explain the test. And if at all possible to take someone that you
trust to listen when he explains them.

I know from experience how hard it is to understand neuro testing. I've
had this testing since I was a child. But have had some things I never
had as a child as a adult. And got some interesting results. I thought
it was lots worse than it really was.

I also have a daughter-in-law that is having to go through testing right
now. Specifically to learn why she is having very severe migraines.
But because it was obvious that she is very weak on one side of the
body. And also has some other issues. The doctor also ran some
balance test. Which I had already had done. But she swore they
were fine, she didn't react to the test. It turned out she has
very severe problems, with this test. And after the VEEG is finally
done. I wont be surprised if she doesn't have more answers and isn't
sent for special therapy.

But then so was I when I did this testing.

Donna:grouphug: