NeuroTalk Support Groups

Hello all!

I'm having a horrible time right now. I wasn't trying to go away, my computer died. I knew I would never be able to afford to fix it, and when I realized that I couldn't come here, my only source of human contact, I had a breakdown. My parents paid to have my computer fixed, (even though they couldn't afford it either), and I thought I would get it back before I had to move out of my house. But life likes to brutally crush any meager hope I may have, so it took five days longer then it should have, and I didn't get it back until after I'd moved into my new appartment, and it would take at least a week before I could get internet. Now most people wouldn't worry much about not having internet access, but most people also have friends to rely on and interests to occupy their time. Without internet, not only have I lost all meaningful human contact, but I'd also lost 90% of my ability to kill time. I wanted to go buy the book Alffe recommended for me, but I couldn't remember the name or author. I tried to read some books that I already had, but I ended up reading for 10 or 20 minutes and then loosing intrest. So I spent the last two weeks of my life trying vainly to find something to hold my intrest, and ending up staring off into space and being forced to contemplate my miserable life.

As for my new apartment, I finally gave in to the badgering and nagging of my parents, and moved in with some random stranger from craigslist. I've only seen her a couple of times, and she hasn't moved in yet, she's only spent one night here, and on that occasion she was up talking to one of her friends until 4:30 in the morning when they finally fell asleep and the snoring kept me awake until I gave up and went to work at 5:00. Maybe this wouldn't bother most people but, once again, life hates me and made me the world's lightest sleeper, then gave me an apartment with paper thin walls. I WANTED to live alone because I knew I was incompatable with every other person on Earth, but in my parents' minds I guess saving some money on rent is more important then happiness or comfort. Now I'll be stuck here for a year, and worst of all, I'll have to go through the hell again in a year, except it will be WORSE because it will be even later in the summer, which is the only time apartments are available. I barely made it through this move and I never want to do it again but, thanks to the shortsightedness of others, I'll have to do it all over again. For once I was actually going to take the right step, but was forced to go in the opposite direction.

I hate my job, I hate getting up at 6:00 every day, I hate trying to summon the energy to try when all I want to do is lay down and die. I've been close to suicidal a few times since I lost my computer. So many problems happened at the same time. I had to move and get a new roommate, I have to get used to a new job, my computer died, my credit card and debit card both expired and I've been unable to buy anything, I've had numerous problems trying to get them renewed, and I just got the new modem for the internet today and it was defective, so I spent over an hour on the phone trying to fix it, and they said I'll have to wait a week, pay them $40, and have them send someone out to fix it, I said f*** that, and spent an hour forcing my newly fixed computer to do things it didn't want to do, and eventually got the new system to install.

*pant, *pant

I've missed you all so much, I've been having such a hard time without you, and I was so touched to find a thread dedicated to me. I long ago gave up hope on ever being remembered, that way the disappointment hurts a little less. Hopefully I can get caught up soon on what's been happening here; sorry about the really long post.

Thank you all for thinking about me. :hug: